For those confused as to what bullying is....

pistolpackinmomma · March 2014

I know it's been a while since we've been called bullies but I ran across this today and had to share.

NorthernGal248 · March 2014

Am I missing something? A link?

Nikkidoll15 · March 2014

I know I keep checking back to see if anything has been added. OP are we missing a link?

cbrust · March 2014

perhaps it's supposed to be this article? a friend just shared it on facebook.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/signe-whitson/bullying_b_2188819.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

pistolpackinmomma · March 2014

Thanks @cbrust‌ that's it! I swear I had it put in there. Bump must be drunk tonight.

NorthernGal248 · March 2014

yes! Yes! YEs! YES!!! << me getting super excited lol

I love this article! I wanna kiss the author! Thank you so much for sharing!

britab · March 2014

Parents need to read this. Anytime there is a disagreement among kids at school parents call bullying to try and get their kid out of trouble. It's frustrating because real bullying does happen but being rude or just mean isn't bullying.

LoveIsAll25 · March 2014

I know this is not the same thing..since its from Parenthood (TV Show) but I watched this last night and it broke my heart.

https://www.hulu.com/watch/611376#i2,p0,d1

(

pistolpackinmomma · March 2014

britab said:

Parents need to read this. Anytime there is a disagreement among kids at school parents call bullying to try and get their kid out of trouble. It's frustrating because real bullying does happen but being rude or just mean isn't bullying.

Or like the example of the mom talking to him in the supermarket about a boy throwing leaves at her daughter and her daughter throwing them back. Ummm I read that as the kids were flirting with each other. I just hate how often the word "bully" gets tossed around.

Junebug060609 · March 2014

LoveIsAll25 said:
I know this is not the same thing..since its from Parenthood (TV Show) but I watched this last night and it broke my heart.

https://www.hulu.com/watch/611376#i2,p0,d1
(

As a mom of a young kid on the spectrum, knowing there will likely be moments like that for my son as he grows...it scares the shit out of me.

I'm newly hooked on that show, watching back episodes lately, mostly bc they show sides of autism and of raising an autistic child. Thanks for the link:)

andoll8 · March 2014

like many concepts usurped by popular culture, "bullying" has become a generalized and vague word tossed around with such cavalier presumption, so it's hard to really discern when it actually occurs.

thanks for sharing this article. i hope more parents read it and learn from it.

spacepotatoes · March 2014

Thanks for sharing! I wish I had this article to refer to when I got my first long-term teaching contract. One of my students had started picking on another and it progressed from rudeness to meanness. I had to call that student's parents for something else and mentioned that there seems to be a conflict between those two that is beginning to concern me. The father asked if it was bullying and I said no, but I wish I could have articulated why not as clearly as this article does. That conversation felt so awkward. The dad seemed a little puzzled as to why I was mentioning it if it wasn't bullying but the behaviour did stop so he must have spoken to his son about it.

pistolpackinmomma · March 2014

spacepotatoes said:
Thanks for sharing! I wish I had this article to refer to when I got my first long-term teaching contract. One of my students had started picking on another and it progressed from rudeness to meanness. I had to call that student's parents for something else and mentioned that there seems to be a conflict between those two that is beginning to concern me. The father asked if it was bullying and I said no, but I wish I could have articulated why not as clearly as this article does. That conversation felt so awkward. The dad seemed a little puzzled as to why I was mentioning it if it wasn't bullying but the behaviour did stop so he must have spoken to his son about it.

I'm glad it stopped. There's a chance that it would have progressed to bullying had you not said anything. It tends to escalate like that.

awc1986 · March 2014

Great article. While bullying exists, kids also delight in winding each other up. That's why we call such behaviour in adults "being childish". It's important to remember the difference.

Kaylee524 · March 2014

Great article - really helpful in identifying the semantic difference between being rude, being mean, and bullying.

I do think though that there also needs to be recognition that different interactions hit different kids in different ways. Growing up, a very dear friend had epilepsy and ADD. His epilepsy resulted in absence seizures - he would basically lose all recognition and come-to later not knowing what had happened. That, combined with the ADD, made it difficult for him to focus in school or sports and made him a target of what this article would refer to as "meanness" from other kids. Because there was no diagnosis until later, he just felt stupid and friendless, and it caused him to become nearly suicidal at some points. I don't know that he was bullied, but it caused a profound impact to his mental and emotional health.

Thankfully, he grew out of his epilepsy and has learned to control his ADD, and he's doing great now as a successful engineer with plenty of friends and family. But the scars are still there - even if it wasn't technically "bullying."

iqwedding3 · March 2014

Awesome article. This is a topic that's always confused me, so I'm happy to have it cleared up.

LoveIsAll25 · March 2014

Junebug060609 said:

I know this is not the same thing..since its from Parenthood (TV Show) but I watched this last night and it broke my heart.

https://www.hulu.com/watch/611376#i2,p0,d1
(
As a mom of a young kid on the spectrum, knowing there will likely be moments like that for my son as he grows...it scares the shit out of me. I'm newly hooked on that show, watching back episodes lately, mostly bc they show sides of autism and of raising an autistic child. Thanks for the link:)

It's a great show. I'm not sure how you are watching earlier episodes, but, Netflix has seasons 1-4 available for instant streaming.

IBackBevo · March 2014

Thanks for sharing!

I like the part that says:

"Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power."

Experts agree that bullying entails three key elements: an intent to harm, a power imbalance and repeated acts or threats of aggressive behavior.

I think that the imbalance of power is key here to understanding why most of what goes on this board is not bullying. Two consenting adults on a chat message board do not involve an imbalance of power. An adult woman can always freely remove herself from the chat board if she doesn't like the way she is being treated. That isn't the case in most true bullying situations.

iqwedding3 · March 2014

IBackBevo said:

Thanks for sharing!

I like the part that says:

"Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power."

Experts agree that bullying entails three key elements: an intent to harm, a power imbalance and repeated acts or threats of aggressive behavior.

I think that the imbalance of power is key here to understanding why most of what goes on this board is not bullying. Two consenting adults on a chat message board do not involve an imbalance of power. An adult woman can always freely remove herself from the chat board if she doesn't like the way she is being treated. That isn't the case in most true bullying situations.

It may be rude or mean though

IBackBevo · March 2014

iqwedding3 said:

IBackBevo said:

Thanks for sharing!

I like the part that says:

"Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power."

Experts agree that bullying entails three key elements: an intent to harm, a power imbalance and repeated acts or threats of aggressive behavior.

I think that the imbalance of power is key here to understanding why most of what goes on this board is not bullying. Two consenting adults on a chat message board do not involve an imbalance of power. An adult woman can always freely remove herself from the chat board if she doesn't like the way she is being treated. That isn't the case in most true bullying situations.

It may be rude or mean though

Perhaps. But I would also put some of the stuff that gets "called out" here on TB in the category of rude, too. By way of example, coming back to bump a long-dead thread just to say, "Nanny-nanny, boo-boo! My lyfe is so much better than yours because I go to hAWaii and get push presents."

pistolpackinmomma · March 2014

iqwedding3 said:

IBackBevo said:

Thanks for sharing!

I like the part that says:

"Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power."

Experts agree that bullying entails three key elements: an intent to harm, a power imbalance and repeated acts or threats of aggressive behavior.

I think that the imbalance of power is key here to understanding why most of what goes on this board is not bullying. Two consenting adults on a chat message board do not involve an imbalance of power. An adult woman can always freely remove herself from the chat board if she doesn't like the way she is being treated. That isn't the case in most true bullying situations.

It may be rude or mean though

I'll fully admit to being rude or mean to some people. I blame it on my low tolerance to bullshit.

iqwedding3 · March 2014

IBackBevo said:

iqwedding3 said:

IBackBevo said:

Thanks for sharing!

I like the part that says:

"Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power."

Experts agree that bullying entails three key elements: an intent to harm, a power imbalance and repeated acts or threats of aggressive behavior.

I think that the imbalance of power is key here to understanding why most of what goes on this board is not bullying. Two consenting adults on a chat message board do not involve an imbalance of power. An adult woman can always freely remove herself from the chat board if she doesn't like the way she is being treated. That isn't the case in most true bullying situations.

It may be rude or mean though

Perhaps. But I would also put some of the stuff that gets "called out" here on TB in the category of rude, too. By way of example, coming back to bump a long-dead thread just to say, "Nanny-nanny, boo-boo! My lyfe is so much better than yours because I go to hAWaii and get push presents."

I don't know, we went to Las Vegas for a weekend for our babymoon, and even that short trip was super uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to go to Hawaii

Jillzy86 · March 2014

pistolpackinmomma said:

britab said:

Parents need to read this. Anytime there is a disagreement among kids at school parents call bullying to try and get their kid out of trouble. It's frustrating because real bullying does happen but being rude or just mean isn't bullying.

Or like the example of the mom talking to him in the supermarket about a boy throwing leaves at her daughter and her daughter throwing them back. Ummm I read that as the kids were flirting with each other. I just hate how often the word "bully" gets tossed around.

I read that as the kids flirting as well. Thank you for posting. We do a lot of bullying vs. rude/ mean thoughtless behavior, at school with our students.

Tnpeach · March 2014

I feel enlightened now, since I know m14 is full of "mean" and not "bully". Right on!

No, seriously, I love this article. Thank you for sharing!!

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For those confused as to what bullying is....

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