Mean girls in kindergarten?? (Long)

karich · March 2014

So DD1 is in kindergarten. Loves it. Has never once complained about going. She always talks about this one little girl and refers to her as her "best friend". I know that at this age, "best friend" doesn't mean much and it can change daily but we have consistently been hearing about this one girl since Sept.
Last week, DD started coming home and saying that this one little girl has been telling her they weren't friends anymore. It's not really clear what happened to start this. I basically told DD not to sweat it, that things will cool off over the weekend and everything will be back to normal by today.
This am she was crying that she didn't want to go to school, which she has never done so I know she was stressing out about this situation.
She comes home today and tells me that she ate lunch alone and played at recess alone because this girl told the other girls not to play with DD. WTF? Already with the mean girls???
So, what would you do? Let it ride for a few more days? Contact the teacher?
I told DD to speak with her teacher privately about what was going on.
My heart breaks for DD and I kind of want to go all mama bear on this kid (but I obvi won't).
What would you do?

Shelovesaginger · March 2014

I'm not much help because I don't have kids, but I'll try!

If I had a daughter, I would tell her that little girls aren't supposed to act like that and she should find a new friend to play with. I would stress the importance of continuing to be nice to this girl because you don't know why shes acting like that, but that it is okay to stay away from kids that act that way. I wouldn't go to the teacher with it yet but that's just me. I'm sure it's just kids being kids.

karich · March 2014

Shelovesaginger said:
I'm not much help because I don't have kids, but I'll try!
If I had a daughter, I would tell her that little girls aren't supposed to act like that and she should find a new friend to play with. I would stress the importance of continuing to be nice to this girl because you don't know why shes acting like that, but that it is okay to stay away from kids that act that way. I wouldn't go to the teacher with it yet but that's just me. I'm sure it's just kids being kids.

Thanks for the input

It doesn't really bother me that this one little girl is being mean, because kids can be mean and this is life. But, the fact that she's telling other kids to exclude DD is just so shitty!

Shelovesaginger · March 2014

karich said:

I'm not much help because I don't have kids, but I'll try!
If I had a daughter, I would tell her that little girls aren't supposed to act like that and she should find a new friend to play with. I would stress the importance of continuing to be nice to this girl because you don't know why shes acting like that, but that it is okay to stay away from kids that act that way. I wouldn't go to the teacher with it yet but that's just me. I'm sure it's just kids being kids.
Thanks for the input It doesn't really bother me that this one little girl is being mean, because kids can be mean and this is life. But, the fact that she's telling other kids to exclude DD is just so shitty!

No problem, GL!

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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marchbaby · March 2014

I would email the teacher. I have had to contact my sons teacher about a few things that were being done at school that upset him. I asked her if she could have a general "hey guys, we don't tease other kids or call them names" kind of speech at morning meeting. I didn't want my son singled out while trying to resolve the issue (he already has severe anxiety) but its such a struggle for him already to make it through a school day that he is unable to get past even a small issue. She said she was glad I brought it up and planned a lesson around it the next day.

flyingsaucer · March 2014

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. DS started Kindergarten this year and had a hard time at first with some of the other kids hurting his feelings. I irrationally wanted to punch kids for him. I know how much it can hurt to watch them go through this. I promise you though, they get over it much faster than we do! I would definitely call the teacher and maybe even the school counselor to get some help/guidance. I am sure it will work out soon. I wish you luck. Being a kid is tough (and so is being a parent)

allrightmeow · March 2014

Talk to the teacher off to the side. My DD's teachers are really good at catching this stuff and really like to nip it in the bud asap.

pandaglitter · March 2014

Kindergarten fucking sucks. Elementary school fucking sucks. Junior high fucking sucks. High school fucking sucks. But college is fun.

I foresee myself having strong relationships with all of my daughter's teachers because it's necessary. Kids learn everything they see, and unfortunately there are a lot of shows and older siblings that demonstrate that behavior. It breaks my fucking heart.

My daughter is to the point where she doesn't want to wear certain things in case other kids won't like them. It's a struggle. It shouldn't be this complicated. So definitely talk to her teacher, get their perspective and see if they have any tips. I've had to have a lot of "if they were really good friends, they wouldn't treat you like that" talks and a lot of "sometimes people are mean, but it's important to forgive them if they're sorry and are nice again" talks.

I'm at child therapist level now, though. I have no idea how to help her best. Talking to the teacher is important in my opinion, though.

karich · March 2014

DD and I talked again.
I told her to see how the next few days go. If nothing improves, I would talk to her teacher.
In the meantime, try and be nice to the other girl, even though she is hurting her feelings right now.
This parenting shit IS hard. And I feel like we've only just begun.
Thank you, everyone, for your help!

Drea926 · March 2014

That's sounds like a good course of action. The only thing I was going to add was that I agree with letting the teacher know - even just casually. I'm a teacher and we like to be privy to those sorts of things even if they seem like no big deal. That way we can keep our eye on certain kids and can watch out for further incidents.

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Mean girls in kindergarten?? (Long)

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