Need advice about daycare

JSS1002 · March 2014

So, we love -- LOVE -- our daycare. The teachers are great and clearly love LO a lot -- they go out of their way all the time to tell me that he's their favorite and we're their favorite parents... maybe they say that to everybody,but point being - they are nice, good people.

I only have one issue but it is kind of turning into a big one.
LO is on a pretty regular sleep schedule -- on the weekends. And at daycare, when they follow it, everything is great -- but when they don't, he comes home a total mess and we are miserable - he goes to bed too early, and then wakes up too early, and everybody is unhappy.

I have talked to them about this many many times -- in a kind way -- he goes down for nap #1 around 10 or 10:30 and nap #2 around 3 or 3:30. Both naps are usually 2 hours. Then, he goes to bed for the night around 8 PM. Usually before his naps he is so tired he's rubbing his eyes, leaning over in my lap,arching his back,etc-- so it isn't like I'm just putting him down arbitrarily, he's TIRED.

So it is hard for me to believe that he's not showing similar evidence of being tired at those times once he's at school. I believe that they might be putting him down and he resists or cries for a few minutes,but they just say he won't go down for his afternoon nap. I'm not a fly on the wall so obviously I have no idea... and obviously it isn't the same experience as at home, because there is noise, lights, and other kids around.

But sometimes it feels like they aren't even trying. Like today, he got up at 6 AM, and then didn't nap until 1 PM. And tonight was a fucking nightmare, and he went to bed at 7, and I'm sure he'll be up at 4 AM.

I am frustrated,and I don't know how to address this again with them without sounding like a total bitch, but I sort of feel like he's getting ignored. He's such an easy going kid and usually so happy that I always worry he's not getting as much attention as he should (ie, squeaky wheel gets the grease), and I just hope they're not paying more attention to the higher-maintenance kids at the expense of him getting his needs met too.

Any advice on this? I'm at my wits end.

JSS1002 · March 2014

melandjames14 said:

DS isn't in daycare but of my friends that are, they all nap completely differently at daycare/home. One friend says her DD will still take 2 naps on the weekend but will only take 1 at daycare. I think it's 2 things. 1) It's so different with the noise and distractions. 2) He's at the age that he could be working on dropping a nap. And the transition to 1 nap is haaaarrdd! Some days DS acts like he can't survive without both naps and some days it's pulling nails to get him to take them both! And that obviously throws off the rest of his sleep.... I guess my opinion is that it's normal for his sleep to vary by location AND this is the normal age for him to be in a sleeping transition anyway.

Okay thank you, that is good feedback. I thought maybe he was getting ready to drop a nap,but he just so clearly NEEDS that second nap when he's home that I am surprised he isn't acting the same way at school.

suedell · March 2014

I say be a bitch. Advocating for your child is not comfortable sometimes but if you are upset, it has to be done. It is a little early for 12 month olds to be on one nap, as much as we would like them to be! The situation at your daycare would make me insane, too.

MKC12/22/2006 · March 2014

You could talk to them, but it might just be different for him at daycare. Leif naps way differently anywhere besides our house.

PepperBug · March 2014

I went through something similar with my son. I started with gentle requests and reminders, then not so gentle reminders, and then spoke with the director. It was awful, and I realized my options were stay or pull him out and send him somewhere else where it would likely not improve.

What I wound up doing after talking with the director (again) was moving him up to the next room the day he turned one (it otherwise would have been a month or two). In that room, all kids took one nap at the same time (in a quiet, dark room). Instead of taking one nap in the morning, he would nap for 2.5 hours at noon.

While he took two 1.5 hour naps at home until he was 18 months, the one 2.5 hour nap at school was much better than the one short morning nap.

If that's an option, it could be worth trying.

arschm02 · March 2014

Will completely refuses sleep at daycare. I know he's tired. At home he will take 2 two hour naps. Daycare is anywhere from 25-35 minutes. We have tried absolutely EVERYTHING! Also, it's pretty common at this age for babies to go through this. Too young for one nap but the action of the room energizes them enough to fight sleep and rest. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to miss any of the action at school. We skip the morning nap at school because if he takes the morning one, he will refuse the afternoon one. Evenings tend to go a bit smoother when he naps later rather than earlier.

JBDamonM · March 2014

If its making things this difficult at home definitely say something to them. Don't worry about being a bitch - at the end of the day we pay good money for daycare, that gives us the right to speak up sometimes. The only thing I could imagine is that he is overstimulated so he's not showing the same key signs of being tired. Sometimes with M - she's actually happy, laughing etc when we keep her up late at night....it's all good until we go to out her to sleep and then it's a disaster. Not sure if that makes sense.....

ClandestineX · March 2014

Connor isn't in daycare, but he cannot nap or go to bed for the life of him when his four cousins are here during some weekends. Even if he is in another room, them playing and being loud just makes him super awake. His eating habits are also affected because of all the stimulation (I can't feed him downstairs because he doesn't eat when people are walking back and forth, in and out of the kitchen.)

Though, I would most definitely talk to them more stern about naps. That is one thing I am an ass about with anyone is naps. I take them very seriously.

elbou · March 2014

As a SAHM, I have no experience whatsoever with daycare, however I did think of a couple things as I read your post and everyone's comments.

1) As others have said, this is a transitional time, and it can be tricky. He could be way to excited to sleep (DS can't even nap in the playpen in the living room...he has to be in his crib and alone to nap) and his teachers are telling the truth. Or maybe you're right and they're not trying hard enough.

My thought is (if you haven't already) ask them for details when they say he won't go down for his afternoon nap. Ask them to walk you through what they did to put him down...if he cried, how did they respond...did they give him a few minutes to settle or pick him up right away...if they let him cry for a bit, how long did they wait...what time was it...etc. Hopefully, this will give you enough information to know where the problem lies, and you can sort out what to do next.

2) In the meantime, on the days he doesn't have his afternoon nap, is it possible to put him down for a short nap as soon as you get home? For example, if you get home at 6, you put him down and wake him at 7 for dinner...then let him play for a couple hours, and put him to bed around 9.

If he tends to be really grumpy when you wake him up, it may not work. But if you can usually wake him without too much fuss, it may help avoid the going-to-bed-too-early bit and ease him back into his regular routine. Tweak the times as needed to fit your situation. I suggested 2 hours between wake-up and back-to-bed because my kids would never get tired enough to go back to sleep in an hour. James may be fine with his regular bedtime.

Oh, just thought of something else...if all that fails, maybe pushing his first nap back to 11 will give him time to realize how tired he is, and he may fall asleep easier.

MsAmeera25 · March 2014

I would talk to them but keep in mind every baby reacts differently in different enviroments and with different ppl. For example my nanny had Ethan on a 10am and 2pm nap everyday when he is home with mw he doesnt nap the same and in fact will stay up all day if he thinks he is having fun. He started daycare 1 day a week and stayed up all day playing. So depending on what James is doing ie playing with kids, eating at a different time, the music etc he just may nap differently. Maybe trying putting a 30min nap in when he gets home then he can go to bed a tad bit later

megandscott07 · March 2014

suedell said:

I say be a bitch. Advocating for your child is not comfortable sometimes but if you are upset, it has to be done. It is a little early for 12 month olds to be on one nap, as much as we would like them to be! The situation at your daycare would make me insane, too.

This isn't necessarily true. My son has only taken one nap since 9 months. On the weekends or when I have a day off, it's 2-3 hours, but usually only around one hour at daycare (my mom's), unfortunately. He absolutely refuses a second nap, so I've given up trying at this point.

nearly_klo · March 2014

Daycare is totally different, they may be doing everything you ask and would like them to do. I'd have a good chat to them, especially since it sounds like you have a great relationship.
The suggestion of a short nap when you get home might be worth trying too.

JSS1002 · March 2014

Thanks all. WE do a short nap when he gets home if he hasn't taken a second nap, but "a short nap" doesn't really exist and he ends up being asleep from 5 until 7, waking him up is awful because he just wants to stay asleep. I'm frustrated, but it sounds like it is normal to have different habits at home vs. school. I don't want to be a bitch because 1) that's not my nature, and 2) I don't want to sacrifice the good relationship we have with them - I feel like that would damage things in the long run.

I know that not all kids are on 2 naps at this point but he seems like a kid who still needs his second nap. I'll let you know how it goes.

kgs0505 · March 2014

Daycare can be different, but since my kids are there 5 days a week, and 2 days on the weekend with me, I try to follow daycares schedule. It kidn of came on naturally anyway. With babies, since my daycare is an at home, they just slept whenever, they didn't have specific naptimes necessarily. As they get older, everyone naps or has quiet time from 12-2pm. This has now become the norm in our house on the weekend too. However, all 3 will sleep much longer than 2 hours (2-4 hours depending on the child/day/cold/teething/etc).

With your daycare, I'd probably see if they can get him to sleep for a nap around 11am. Maybe he'll sleep for a few hours then. Then at home, maybe you can do the same. If he has the same schedule in both places, it should help. But if daycare is putting him down at all different times, it's not helpful. Now that he's almost 1, scheduling is so much more important than when he was say 4 months old.

I will reiterate though, that my kids sleep so much more on the weekends, particularly Saturdays. They are just spent from a hard week of daycare.

bibby32714 · March 2014

JSS1002 said:

Thanks all. WE do a short nap when he gets home if he hasn't taken a second nap, but "a short nap" doesn't really exist and he ends up being asleep from 5 until 7, waking him up is awful because he just wants to stay asleep. I'm frustrated, but it sounds like it is normal to have different habits at home vs. school. I don't want to be a bitch because 1) that's not my nature, and 2) I don't want to sacrifice the good relationship we have with them - I feel like that would damage things in the long run.

I know that not all kids are on 2 naps at this point but he seems like a kid who still needs his second nap. I'll let you know how it goes.

We almost always have a short nap at home in the evenings...depends mostly on if she sleeps in the car on the way home. I will let her sleep for an hour when we get home then get her up. It is tough, she is sometimes very grumpy. But once she gets awake, the rest of the evening and night sleep go much better.

JSS1002 · March 2014

The pics / notes from daycare (app) today are all smiles and laughs... he hasn't napped yet. I'm guessing he will take one nap this afternoon, and then we'll nap him right after work.

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