Faith Friday

schulme2 · March 2014

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:16-17).

Did you attend church regularly before your loss?

Do you attend more or less than before?

How do you feel before/after attending?

Any new struggles/revelations this week?

ikrystal · March 2014

Did you attend church regularly before your loss?
Yes, we attended my church (I am Catholic and my husband is Lutheran). But after I learned that the Catholic Church shakes its head at IVF, we started going to my husband's church. I am so glad we did. His pastor (the one who married us) was the only person present for Conner and Ben's birth, and he baptized them as soon as they were born. I never had that kind of relationship with anyone at my church where I could just call a priest up and they would sit in my L&D room for days with us, waiting for our boys to be born (and pass away).
Do you attend more or less than before?
About the same. We go weekly. But lately, I missed a couple of services because every time I go to church I start bawling and making a scene soooo.. yeah. I am planning on going tomorrow, though. The church band named two stars after Conner and Benjamin, and we are going there to thank them.
How do you feel before/after attending?
Sometimes I feel better. But sometimes I feel so angry. I hear all these wonderful things about God and how He will pull us through but He did not save my boys. I am conflicted when I go, which is often why I am so emotional.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?

I read the Bible to the boys every night, hoping they hear me. I am trying to really understand the scriptures instead of just reciting the words. I feel as though it doesn't count if I read to them and am not really getting the message through to myself.

Noethola · March 2014

Shulme2 thank you for being so faithful with this!

Did you attend church regularly before your loss? Yes.

Do you attend more or less than before? Same. I attend weekly. I have been invited ti the grief share group that just started too, but I dont think the timing is right for us right now.

How do you feel before/after attending? Generally I feel fine, but there are days. Baby dedication Sunday really gets me, but its only once a year. And this year I decided we will donate flowers for that service each year so that we can recognize all the babies not there. We will do pink and blue carnations for pregnancy and infant loss.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? Been talking with a local friend who had a late term loss in Nov. She and her DH really want to get pregnant, so we have been talking a lot. It brings it all back for me too. Trusting, in spite of losing.

diamante1181 · March 2014

Did you attend church regularly before your loss?
Not really, but we did attend every so often.
Do you attend more or less than before?
We attend a little more now, I definitely pray a lot more that's for sure.
How do you feel before/after attending?
I do feel sad at times while at church, just because of seeing so many babies, it really does make my empty arms ache for my babies.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
My only struggles right now are literally medical. I had an u/s today that revealed proliferations in my endometrium. Total depression, I feel like I can't catch a break. But on the grief side of things, I don't have new struggles. I get choked up sometimes, I break down some times, and I'm okay sometimes. I'm just rolling with the punches.

LyndseyTS · March 2014

Did you attend church regularly before your loss?
Yes - we are also involved in a few things. I used to run the VBS program. That is no longer happening, at least for now.

Do you attend more or less than before?
Probably about the same.

How do you feel before/after attending?
I feel anxious. I know that everyone means well and we really are surrounded by an amazing group of people there, but I don't feel like me and I feel like I'm letting everyone down by letting myself grieve. I'm almost certain these are just my own expectations, but it's frustrating nonetheless. I also feel angry at times, but sometimes a sense of peace. All over the map, I guess.

Any new struggles/revelations this week?
Trying to figure out how I fit in. I was really involved with children's ministries and though I know and love each of the kids there, it's really hard to be involved without breaking down. I'm trying to figure out what that looks like for me and instead of feeling badly about what I "should" be doing (we are volunteer-strapped), trying to really figure out what makes sense for me.

dadalou · March 2014

Did you attend church regularly before your loss? Yes.

Do you attend more or less than before? The same. We missed one Sunday when I was in the hospital after Nathaniel was born, but have attended every week since.

How do you feel before/after attending? I'm fine before and after church usually. It's during church that I lose it most weeks. Everything seems more meaningful to me now. I think I've only made it through one service without crying at some point. Usually it's during a song (or every song), but sometimes it's the sermon.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? I want to get back into serving, but I don't know if I am really up for it. I used to help in the nursery, sing/play on the worship team, and run the graphics for the service. I have been taken off all of my duties until at least April. Maybe that is soon enough to try and get back into it. I at least want to get back on the worship team. I don't know if I am up to the nursery yet, but there aren't usually any babies, there are kids in the nursery, mine being one of them, but that's because there is no other place for the kids under 5 to go during the service.

dadalou · March 2014

@LyndseyTS Your loss is still so new. Give yourself time to grieve. People will understand. I openly cry in church nearly every week. Everyone there knows what's going on. I am constantly told how strong I am and I certainly don't fell very strong most of the time.

Last week a woman who usually ends up sitting behind us told me that she feels unworthy to sit behind me with her family. I don't know if she meant because she has 4 boys and I lost one or something else.

LyndseyTS · March 2014

@dadalou Thank you. I think that I am probably hardest on myself and the biggest thing is that I feel so different. Being involved was something that really mattered to me. I just don't think I can do it. Maybe you're right. I've taken to sitting at the front of the church so that people would have to walk "backwards" to say something to avoid tears. Maybe I just shouldn't be avoiding them. I have also heard people say that I am strong (and appreciate it), but boy do I feel like I'm just hanging on.

Thank you for putting it in perspective. I'm not sure what that woman means either, but I would trust that it's positive. Sometimes people just don't know what to say, I guess.

stefuge · March 2014

Did you attend church regularly before your loss? Yes.

Do you attend more or less than before? About the same, although we have missed a couple weeks lately. Our church is full of young families, and there are pregnant women and newborns everywhere. No matter where I try to sit to avoid it, they still end up sitting right in front of us or next to us and it makes It hard for me to focus on the service. My jealousy and bitterness lately is at an all time high, and i leave church feeling worse. It has been tough lately. I love being there to worship and hear the sermon, but I sometimes feel like, emotionally, I would be better off going to the park and spending time with family and reading my bible on my own.

How do you feel before/after attending? See above.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? See above. I am contemplating giving my therapist a call because I really don't know how to work through the jealousy and bitterness I have been feeling lately. I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know how to make it go away or how to process it.

@LyndseyTS @dadalou - I too cry during almost every service. Our church is, well, huge, and only a handful of people at our service know about our loss, but still, I cry almost every week. The crying is healing, being there is healing, and letting yourself feel whatever you are feeling is important. ((Hugs))

LyndseyTS · March 2014

@stefuge Thank you for the reminder that crying can be healing. Sometimes I try to hide it so that I'm not inconveniencing anyone. It sounds silly even as I type it, but it's always been my role - to be the tough one that holds everything together and picks up the pieces after a crises. I'm just not up for it right now.

I think that it would be really hard to have a big church and those who are unaware and may accidentally say something that triggers. The park and bible sounds great and I might even try it once we lose the snow (soon I hope). Maybe it would be helpful to do it in addition to church (if there is time for that).

schulme2 · March 2014

LO mentioned...
Thank you all for sharing your stories. We really started attending church consistently every week during the year we were really trying to get pregnant and then through my pregnancy. Since I've had the babies we've only gone once. I would love to go but with my surviving twin being a micro-preemie, we can't leave the house until RSV season is over and really... I don't know that I'm up for it anyway. Our church is huge and in a way nice that I could just get lost in the crowd if I wanted to, but the amount of babies and pregnant women terrify me. @stefuge‌ I too have been in a very jealous, bitter mood so I just don't want to subject myself to that right now.

For anyone else who isn't up for being around people, our church has all of their services online. https://northridgechurch.com/talks/picture-this/the-bibles-true/
I find watching them when I need to has really helped.

I hope we can get back to going because I do always feel moved when I'm there but I'm not up for being around so many triggers.

stefuge · March 2014

Thank you ladies, for sharing. It's nice to know that I am not the only one who struggles with church. We ended up not going again today, more cause MH needed a day off since work has been crazy for him lately, but I didn't argue. We told ourselves we are going next week, so hopefully I will be in a better place nest week and pray that God will help me focus and avoid the triggers.

jonahsma · March 2014

Did you attend church regularly before your loss? no, I had been going on and off for a while.
Do you attend more or less than before? I am attending more than before, I feel like I am going to crack if I dont go.

How do you feel before/after attending? Before: excited to hear the message God has for me. I always bawl my eyes out every Sunday especially during praise and worship. After church I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? Ineed to find a good devotional , i need to read my bible.

LyndseyTS · March 2014

@jonahsma I've had a really hard time reading my Bible lately. I used to be fairly consistent with it, but with all of the everything that came with losing Serenity, I've just "fallen off". Here's hoping that we can both make some progress. Thank you for bringing it to mind.

stefuge · March 2014

@jonahsma @LyndseyTS - a friend gave me the daily devotional "Jesus Calling" shortly after our loss, and I find it to be a good source of comfort. The main focus (so far, at least) is on focusing on God rather than worries and stress, finding peace in Him. It has been a good source of encouragement and led me to many verses that I find very relatable to life these days. Just a suggestion!

Want a personalized experience?

Faith Friday

Re: Faith Friday

Choose Another Board

Search Boards