Late Term and Child Loss
schulme2
member
Faith Friday
schulme2
member
"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:16-17).
Did you attend church regularly before your loss?
Do you attend more or less than before?
How do you feel before/after attending?
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
Did you attend church regularly before your loss?
Do you attend more or less than before?
How do you feel before/after attending?
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Faith Friday
Yes, we attended my church (I am Catholic and my husband is Lutheran). But after I learned that the Catholic Church shakes its head at IVF, we started going to my husband's church. I am so glad we did. His pastor (the one who married us) was the only person present for Conner and Ben's birth, and he baptized them as soon as they were born. I never had that kind of relationship with anyone at my church where I could just call a priest up and they would sit in my L&D room for days with us, waiting for our boys to be born (and pass away).
Do you attend more or less than before?
About the same. We go weekly. But lately, I missed a couple of services because every time I go to church I start bawling and making a scene soooo.. yeah. I am planning on going tomorrow, though. The church band named two stars after Conner and Benjamin, and we are going there to thank them.
How do you feel before/after attending?
Sometimes I feel better. But sometimes I feel so angry. I hear all these wonderful things about God and how He will pull us through but He did not save my boys. I am conflicted when I go, which is often why I am so emotional.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
Do you attend more or less than before? Same. I attend weekly. I have been invited ti the grief share group that just started too, but I dont think the timing is right for us right now.
How do you feel before/after attending? Generally I feel fine, but there are days. Baby dedication Sunday really gets me, but its only once a year. And this year I decided we will donate flowers for that service each year so that we can recognize all the babies not there. We will do pink and blue carnations for pregnancy and infant loss.
Any new struggles/revelations this week? Been talking with a local friend who had a late term loss in Nov. She and her DH really want to get pregnant, so we have been talking a lot. It brings it all back for me too. Trusting, in spite of losing.
Yes - we are also involved in a few things. I used to run the VBS program. That is no longer happening, at least for now.
Do you attend more or less than before?
Probably about the same.
How do you feel before/after attending?
I feel anxious. I know that everyone means well and we really are surrounded by an amazing group of people there, but I don't feel like me and I feel like I'm letting everyone down by letting myself grieve. I'm almost certain these are just my own expectations, but it's frustrating nonetheless. I also feel angry at times, but sometimes a sense of peace. All over the map, I guess.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
Trying to figure out how I fit in. I was really involved with children's ministries and though I know and love each of the kids there, it's really hard to be involved without breaking down. I'm trying to figure out what that looks like for me and instead of feeling badly about what I "should" be doing (we are volunteer-strapped), trying to really figure out what makes sense for me.
Thank you for putting it in perspective. I'm not sure what that woman means either, but I would trust that it's positive. Sometimes people just don't know what to say, I guess.
Do you attend more or less than before? About the same, although we have missed a couple weeks lately. Our church is full of young families, and there are pregnant women and newborns everywhere. No matter where I try to sit to avoid it, they still end up sitting right in front of us or next to us and it makes It hard for me to focus on the service. My jealousy and bitterness lately is at an all time high, and i leave church feeling worse. It has been tough lately. I love being there to worship and hear the sermon, but I sometimes feel like, emotionally, I would be better off going to the park and spending time with family and reading my bible on my own.
How do you feel before/after attending? See above.
Any new struggles/revelations this week? See above. I am contemplating giving my therapist a call because I really don't know how to work through the jealousy and bitterness I have been feeling lately. I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know how to make it go away or how to process it.
@LyndseyTS @dadalou - I too cry during almost every service. Our church is, well, huge, and only a handful of people at our service know about our loss, but still, I cry almost every week. The crying is healing, being there is healing, and letting yourself feel whatever you are feeling is important. ((Hugs))
I think that it would be really hard to have a big church and those who are unaware and may accidentally say something that triggers. The park and bible sounds great and I might even try it once we lose the snow (soon I hope). Maybe it would be helpful to do it in addition to church (if there is time for that).
Thank you all for sharing your stories. We really started attending church consistently every week during the year we were really trying to get pregnant and then through my pregnancy. Since I've had the babies we've only gone once. I would love to go but with my surviving twin being a micro-preemie, we can't leave the house until RSV season is over and really... I don't know that I'm up for it anyway. Our church is huge and in a way nice that I could just get lost in the crowd if I wanted to, but the amount of babies and pregnant women terrify me. @stefuge I too have been in a very jealous, bitter mood so I just don't want to subject myself to that right now.
For anyone else who isn't up for being around people, our church has all of their services online. https://northridgechurch.com/talks/picture-this/the-bibles-true/
I find watching them when I need to has really helped.
I hope we can get back to going because I do always feel moved when I'm there but I'm not up for being around so many triggers.
Do you attend more or less than before? I am attending more than before, I feel like I am going to crack if I dont go.
How do you feel before/after attending? Before: excited to hear the message God has for me. I always bawl my eyes out every Sunday especially during praise and worship. After church I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.