Shower Close to Due Date

chevronseven · March 2014

Ok so my husband's aunt and her daughters have graciously offered to throw me a shower and of course I accepted their offer! My only worry is that she wants to have it RIGHT after the baby is born so that my MIL and SIL will be in town for it. I'm concerned about this. She has it set for 5 days after my due date, and all I can think about is how it's perfectly possible he won't be born on time and might come the day of the shower. OR even if he does come on time, I can't stop worrying about whether I will be in any condition to enjoy a social gathering of any kind that soon after giving birth. I don't want to be rude and ask that it be a different time, and I don't want to decline the offer since I'm so touched that they extended it and I know they're eager to celebrate since this will be the first baby on that side of the family.... I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that I won't be so sleep deprived and hormonal as to make it a stressful event for myself.

FemShep · March 2014

I know this is not what you want to hear, but I would decline. As you've said, there's no way to know that your LO will have been born at that date, and it's entirely possible that you'll still be in the hospital. Even if LO is born right on time, there's no way I would have felt up to a party at 5 days old, and I wouldn't have wanted a bunch of people passing around LO either. I'd simply thank the relatives for their kind offer, but tell them you're uncomfortable with a shower so close to your due date since babies rarely keep schedules.

jf198400 · March 2014

Yea I agree with @FemShep‌ there is just no way in hell I'd be up for a shower then. I was a week late with both of my kids and would not feel very social at 41 weeks pregnant, plus that gives you no time to prepare- exchanging gifts, washing and assembling items, writing thank you cards, etc. if your baby is born by then you will be even less up for a social event. Immediately postpartum I was BFing every hour, I was a sweaty hormonal mess, going to the bathroom was a 20min ordeal involving peri bottles, and getting a shower was my huge achievement of the day. There's just no way. These women are delusional if they think it's a good idea.

IveGotWhateverItIs · March 2014

I agree with PP's....completely ridiculous that they would offer to throw you a shower after your due date to accomodate 2 people. They should be accommodating you, the guest of honor. There is no way I was prepared to leave the house 5 days after my first child was born, let alone put on a pretty face and pass around my baby to numerous people. Hello, GERMS! Unless it's like a small intimate group of 5 or less people and they are willing to come to you I would decline.

It is not rude to request that they do it earlier. I understand being gracious but that doesn't mean you should let them inconvience you. You are probably stressed out enough. I would suggest date at least 3 (I would do 6) weeks prior to your due date or 4 weeks after. Sorry if MIL and SIL can't make it. (My own mother will not be attending my shower because she'd rather fly in after to meet the baby. Her choice. My feelings arent hurt at all.)

And as far as gifts go, unless you have, or will have, everything you need for a newborn, you can use that as a suggestion in your reasoning aside from all that's listed above from PPs.

Helenahhandbasket · March 2014

I would absolutley decline a shower that was scheduled 5 days after my due date.

My DD was born 9 days before her due date, and there's no way in hell I was emotionally or physically ready for a party when she was 2 weeks old.

My best friend (a FTM) just had her baby boy at 41 w, so it's quite possible your baby won't even be born yet.

I mean, does your aunt have any kids? She seems to not understand how this works.

chevronseven · March 2014

Thank you for the advice! Yes, she has three kids which is why I thought maybe she knew something I didn't about recovery time, but after your stories I see I am right in my reluctance. What is a good way for me to politely ask that it be held a few weeks earlier?

Sam Buttons · March 2014

Most first time moms are late, I believe the average first pregnancy is 41 weeks 1 day. That said, as someone who has gone over a weke late both times - there is no way I would be up to being pleasant and social 5 days after my due date.

Especially with my first, I don't think I think I consistently kept my shirt over my boobs for any length of time during the first week home - between getting the hand of breast feeding and leaking everywhere. I honestly remember going for a walk with a friend like two weeks out and noticing part way through that my shirt was pulled down below my nursing bar the entire time! Aka there is no way I would be up for a party.

Ask them to have it a different date, if they won't decline.

VOR · March 2014

I can't really say anything different than the others. First - I went 6 days past my DD. Second - the first 2 weeks were just hard. HARD. And I had an easy pregnancy and recovery. But I just wasn't functioning well the first 2 weeks.

Plus, YOUR schedule matters. YOURS. Not your MIL or SIL. Yes, it would be nice if they could be there, but to HELL if their attendance is more important than yours - OR your COMFORT.

Disneygeek77 · March 2014

" Thank you so much for your kind offer. I truly appreciate it. However, the date won't work for us. Please let me know if another date is available."

If she tries to keep pushing you on the same date, just keep repeating yourself "It won't work." Don't give details as to why because common sense should dictate why and she would just argue with you anyways.

Michelle N · March 2014

Nope, nope, nope, NOPE. There is just no situation where this would be pleasant for you.

A&DPritchett2be · March 2014

With any shower there is a chance of missing the shower due to child birth. This happened for my cousin. The shower was planned two months before the due date, however baby had other plans. My aunt and other cousin (ones hosting the shower) got a call hours before guests would arrive. We all showed up, had a party, enjoyed the company of others, and left our gifts to be picked up later. It all worked out and was a good time, plus we had a new healthy baby to celebrate!

jtmomma13 · March 2014

Nope. I would decline and my LO came early. While I liked having A guest or TWO over after LO was born- I would not want to be going to a party in my honor 5 days after the birth. Nope. I had a planned section which turned into an emergency section and was in the hospital for 4 days. There is NO WAY I'd be out and about that first day home.

chevronseven · March 2014

Update: They changed it to a month before my due date :-) I am SO excited now!

kimberlymautz · April 2014

I think I'd have to decline having a shower so close to my due date. I had my shower at 32w and it was perfect because I knew what I still needed to get and had more than enough time to still get it. Plus, you really won't want to be at a huge social event that soon after giving birth, or you could potentially miss it and still be in the hospital!

Shower Close to Due Date

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