Looking for child care... again (Rusalka)

adoxyinherear · March 2014

This is not ranty, exactly, but this is certainly me about to sigh all over the internet. My apologies in advance.

I felt good about our choice when we selected the family child care provider DD is with now, but my confidence in her has waned greatly in the last month or so. When I stopped sending food with DD, I started coming to pick her up only to find she was having teddy grahams for her afternoon snack instead of, you know, real food like yogurt or fruit or whole wheat crackers that might actually tide her over until dinner time. Also, when we originally chose her, she made it a point to tell me how she took the children to the library every week, but now I feel like they never go - she has new children in her program, two of whom are infants, and I guess she feels like it's too much. But given this is her new normal, and I really wanted those weekly outings to be a part of DD's experience, I'm kind of bummed.

And now that we're expecting another baby, and I've seen how the babies in her program are handled - almost always in a bouncy seat in the living room in front of the television - I know this is just not going to work out. I know the level of care that DD is going to receive in a program is never going to be exactly what she gets at home, but the idea of having to "settle" for how she's going to spend 15 - 20 hours a week is just not okay. So I'm going to suck it up and pay for a month of Care.com because the family child care referrals in my part of town are APPALLING. And I just, this kills me.

Am sorry to splash silly anxiety all over.

BootsOrHearts · March 2014

That is really stressful. I hope you can find something better soon. In the meantime can you start sending food with her so you know what she's eating?

SockMonkeySam · March 2014

I struck gold with my daycare center. I feared the big public licensed ones that's what they would be doing all day just sitting in cribs orr on mats.. barely getting attention. I toured only 1 licensed daycare (the anexity of doing that after Z was bad enough) and i fell in love with the place.

They do crafts, i get daily reports.. they sing, and go outside.

I hope you can find a place like that that truely love children. Or you can move to NH and join my daycare.

PittPurple · March 2014

Good luck with making a decision, it's so hard! We're moving in May so we're switching daycares and I'm super anxious about it. I love our current one and I know I'm going to be nervous all over again when we switch.

Mom2anAngel2 · March 2014

I have had the same experience as @SockMonkeySam with our DC center. I love them. He started at 12 weeks and would come home once a week with a craft the "he made." Weather permitting, they go outside as often as possible. They have a fenced in area with artificial grass that gets power washed regularly and the babies get to sit, crawl or walk all over it. While indoors they sing songs, read books and play games. DH and I have picked DS at random times and have seen them doing these activities.

DS will be moving to the toddler room in a week or two. He has already tested out the toddler room a few times and loves the indoor and outdoor gyms. He is so excited to switch rooms.

FmrAFBrat · March 2014

I love my daycare. Like PPs said I get a daily report with what they did...things like books they read and songs they sang. They do a ton of art projects and since the center is Montessori style learning they have a lot of cool things like a sensory table in the toddler room. DS1 gets to play outside when the weather is nice, but they also have a gym. They have parties and the fire department will be visiting this spring.

Honestly I looked at care.com but I am funny about other peoples houses (that I don't know) and other people in my house. Plus you never know what is going on. Do you have a university/college system in your area that has daycares and affiliated daycares? You may find nice places that aren't advertised. I like that their not only licensed but sometimes they get "help" from some of the students at our local universities and community colleges.

misternmiss · March 2014

I SAH, but when I was teaching and had summers "off" and when I took a year off from teaching after loss #2, I provided in-home care for families I found through our university's online job board. University students studying education, nursing, social work, etc look here to find job opportunities. Both times, I connected with some great families, the kids got individualized care, and it was free to use the job board. Does your area have something like this? Can you ask around to other moms how they found care? I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but you are definitely doing the right thing.

4legsRbest · March 2014

RusalkaSings said:

And now that we're expecting another baby, and I've seen how the babies in her program are handled - almost always in a bouncy seat in the living room in front of the television - I know this is just not going to work out. I know the level of care that DD is going to receive in a program is never going to be exactly what she gets at home, but the idea of having to "settle" for how she's going to spend 15 - 20 hours a week is just not okay. So I'm going to suck it up and pay for a month of Care.com because the family child care referrals in my part of town are APPALLING. And I just, this kills me.

Am sorry to splash silly anxiety all over.

Do what??? Parked in front of the TV? Oh, hell no. It makes me think she would do it to my toddler too. I am a weirdo about that though, I chose a center that doesn't even have TVs in any room, it is a requirement of mine.

Finding good childcare is hard, I do not envy you there. I think your DD is getting to an age where a center may be a good idea. MY DS (15 months) has the most amazing vocabulary and his environment is very structured, it is perfect, for us, that is. He brings home a new skill every week and I really attribute that to his center's environment. We get the menu a month at a time and if I don't like what is being served, I bring a replacement snack, it is easy. Infant care is different though, so that is a difficult choice. I am a fan of one-on-one under 9 months, but think strict schedules and group learning are necessary after 12 months and I don't trust an in-home sitter with appropriate teaching skills, much less the time to do it, especially when they have an infant to deal with. I know there are some highly qualified people, it is just out of my personal comfort zone.

I hope you find something more in-tuned with your expectations, and soon, it is stressful but when you find someone you can trust, it is almost like having another spouse helping out

ravenclaw1 · March 2014

I feel like big daycare centers get a bad rap on TB, but we have had an amazing experience with the place we're taking Alice. It's at a synogogue, they do all sorts of fun activities, it's very structured, the women who work there genuinely care about the kids, she's always so happy at drop off and pick up.

Go do some center tours and I imagine you'll be pleasantly surprised. Good luck!

JulyMomma2U2 · March 2014

FWIW.. we had a good experience using care.com. Also, google it! I found a coupon and was able to get a 3 month subscription for the price of 1 month

It didn't take us 3 months to find someone.. but, it was nice to have that buffer just in case..

I'm sorry you're finding yourself in this position

adoxyinherear · March 2014

Thanks, all. I definitely wouldn't mind sending DD to a child care center, but we only need care three days a week, and the cost is prohibitive - or they don't even offer part-time care. There are some great family child care environments and I believe that what DD needs most of all is the opportunity just to play, read stories, and sing songs. I thought that was what we were getting, and while it certainly is a part of her experience, I just don't feel confident anymore. I don't know how to make this work and it's making me miserable.

I did start sending her snack with her again, but if all of the other kids are eating crap, she's just going to want what they have

adoxyinherear · March 2014

Omigosh, feeling so relieved. There's a highly rated Montessori program that offers part-time care and would be comparable in price to where she is now. I'm going to get a call back from the director and hopefully take a tour soon. I really think DD would thrive in a Montessori environment, too. She's terribly logical for a toddler.

MickeyM04 · March 2014

I am so sorry you are having to look for new childcare! We recently went through a change as well, and I must say, there are some great centers out there. And I will echo a couple PP's that there seems to be a lot more oversight and structure in a center than at home daycares. Just in my experience that is. There are also centers that are very specifically tailored to a certain crowd. Like the one we are at now is very centered at making sure the kids have a lot of outside time, teaching them to grow gardens, teaching them conservation, etc. and there are no TV's in the whole center and two computers and they are both in the school-aged kids room. The menu I'm not the HUGEST fan of, but DS eats very healthy at home and I kind of let that go based on all the other positives of this center. There was another center we went to that did have TVs and things like that, but their menu was 100% organic. I liked the menu a lot but I didn't like that every room had a TV in it. I think you just decide what your priorities are and what's most important for DD, and then I am certain you can find it out there somewhere (or close to it). But you'd be surprised once you start looking. GL to you! I know it sucks royally!!!!

cmumama · March 2014

I just started taking ds2 to a daycare center. It's the same one I took DS1 to before I became a sahm. I only take him one day per week and it has been wonderful. He loves going and is learning a lot. I love the structure they provide. They don't watch tv. They have a huge gym to play in and when the weather is nice, they have a great space to play in outside.

I'm going to have to find a nanny starting in the summer though once ds1 is done with school. Also once baby3 comes, with our schedule a nanny just makes more sense. I'm actually sad to have to leave the center.

Sorry You're in this situation though. I hope you find a solution that works soon.

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