The cruelty of a child (Rant and vent, need suggestions)

Cocoasushi · March 2014

*I've posted this in a couple of different places, looking for suggestions wherever I can find them.*

A little backstory first: I live with my husband and our daughter. His brother, our niece, and his brother's girlfriend rent the upstairs of our home. We rent it out very cheap to them, let them use the downstairs kitchen and bathrooms freely, I even cook their dinner since I'm the only unemployed of the four adults in the home. The catch is that he has to go to school full time. He was a young single father who dropped out of highschool and got messed up in drugs, joined a band, and got a groupie pregnant. As long as he stays in college his family is welcome to stay here. My daughter (4) is respectful to all adults, does as she's told, and plays nice with her cousin. Her cousin (5), who I'll call "T", is another story. She is defiant, constantly in trouble, and downright mean.

Tomorrow will make 3 weeks since my son was born sleeping. He was born at 19 weeks and had severe spina bifida and hydrocephalus. We named him Link as that's what our daughter had nicknamed him months ago. Everyone knew we were expecting, including the kids here in our home, so the loss was devastating to the whole family... except "T". When I came home from the hospital, we explained to her that I was no longer pregnant and that her cousin was very sick and didn't survive. She giggled and skipped off. I am left babysitting her as, like I said, I'm the only one of the adults who is unemployed here. I know I'm not ready to keep her by myself because she's so hard on me, but I get left with her with very little notice so there's no way I could find someone else to keep her. Some of the things she says to me are horrible. She looked at me a few days ago and said, "Hey Ena (my nickname), I sure can't wait to have a baby! How about you? Can you wait to have a baby? Oh, that's right, yours DIED!!!". This morning she and my daughter were watching a video of a Mario game being played on youtube when she stood up, looked me straight in the eye and says, "Oh no!!! Mario's baby is dead! THE BABY IS DEAD!" and smiles. There was no baby in the video...

If I'm here alone with her, I can't send her to her room. While she's upstairs alone, she doesn't stay in her room. She will sneak into her father's room. She climbs dressers, destroys things, cuts her hair off and hurts herself. If she is upstairs alone in my care and gets seriously hurt, I have no way to get her to a hospital because my husband and I share a car, and I refuse to be responsible for her getting seriously hurt. I thought that maybe I was being overly sensitive, but her father's girlfriend also lost a son at 19 weeks a few years ago and has never heard "T" say anything like this to her. She doesn't say these things to anyone but me. She has been put in timeout, we've explained how these things hurt me, she's even had her butt busted. Nothing gets through to her. I'm at my wits end.

Have any of you ever had to deal with a child like this? I really don't know what to do. If it weren't for the fact that she lives with me I wouldn't be around her at all. She only sees her mother every other weekend, and can't stay with her for longer than that legally, so her going somewhere else isn't an option. If we kick them out, he will have to leave school and work full time to afford an apartment. No form of punishment works on this child at all for anything. She's been seeing a child psychologist, but it's not doing her any good. I have no clue what to do...

veetveet · March 2014

They'd be out of my house so fast....I don't care. Sorry you have to deal with that.

I'd talk to the dad first thing and tell him to find another sitter.

MCH77 · March 2014

I'd call the psychologist and let them know what is going on. The psych is not legally be allowed to talk to you about T, but could listen.

That is so hard. I'm sorry.

erinel · March 2014

I don't have any advice, but I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, it sounds awful.

Monotonetwo · March 2014

This is awful. Having a 5 yr old son, I can say they are extremely cruel sometimes because they haven't learned empathy or how words can hurt and def do not understand death or how it effects your emotional state. I would get a sitter for this child and explain to her father what is going on so he can deal with her his way. She obviously has some emotional issues. Maybe focusing on positives with her and working with her on empathy will be beneficial. I wish you the best!

ikrystal · March 2014

I don't even know what to say. I am speechless. I am so sorry you have to go through that. I know its tough, because she is so young and its not like you can tell her off like you can to an adult. But I agree with everyone else - you need to find other arrangements. As much as you want to help your family out, you need time to grieve as well without having to put up with that crap. Best of luck.. keep us posted.

KBowen715 · March 2014

Behavior modification techniques- ignore the behavior. Every behavior serves a purpose, and in her mind, she is being reinforced for these behaviors.

What a crummy situation.

shandorfml2 · March 2014

Yuck.Im a child therapist and this is really concerning. Id reach out, or have Dad reach out to her psychologist. I would ignore the behavior as well, as she is looking for a reaction from you. That sure would be hard though.... (((hugs))))

milb11 · March 2014

I don't have any advice but I wanted to send hugs your way. I can't imagine being in your shoes.

diamante1181 · March 2014

I'm absolutely flabbergasted by your story! I agree with pp, that perhaps you or her father should reach out to the therapist/psychologist, and let him/her know what's going on. Idk how long she has been going to therapy, but if it hasn't been long they have probably not gotten down to the 'issue' of what is causing her behavior, especially if she is inherently mean/poorly behaved. Ijs.