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March 2014 Moms
LiFeIsAmIrAcLe
member
LiFeIsAmIrAcLe has been MIA. Warning: LONG birth story. Finally got it typed out.
LiFeIsAmIrAcLe
member
My little Skylee is 9 days old and I'm just now getting to typing this birth story out. Let me just start by saying It's been a very overwhelming 9 days. I was very naive about recovery after the birth, and about how hard breastfeeding was going to be for me. Before I get into the birth story, though, I just wanted to touch on some of the things I've been struggling with the past week.....hoping maybe others relate and I'm not the only one.
The first couple days after having her were wonderful. She really is the most perfect baby I could ask for. Probably about 4 days into having her, I started crying all the time. For no unexplainable reason. I just start bawling at the drop of a hat. And I didn't get super emotional while pregnant. So I have no idea where this is coming from. Skylee is all that I've ever wanted and dreamed of but for some reason the reality of being a mother is hitting me hard. I feel like all I have done the past 9 days is feed her. I've made my husband and I late to EVERYTHING we've tried to get accomplished. I'm falling over baby things in our bedroom. My nursing school is on spring break this coming week, but I am FREAKING OUT about how I'm going to manage having her and keeping my grades up. I thought I had everything under control.....until she got here. :'( Guess I just need to grow up and get over it. Also, I feel disconnected from my husband. And I have no idea why. He's been the perfect Daddy. And he's trying to do everything right. He's supportive, affectionate, tells me how great I look still.....and yet I feel 1000 miles apart from him. :'( I'm so overwhelmed by all these different emotions and just hoping it gets better......
Breastfeeding has been absolutely terrible for me. She's latching great. My supply is fine. But it hurts. SO VERY BADLY. To the point where I cry when I see her little mouth starting looking for the boob because I know the pain that's coming. My nipples are two giant open sores pretty much. I have barely any skin left on them. They bleed every time I feed her. I'm not trying to whine.....I know most of you are probably going through the same thing! Just hoping to get some insight on what makes it better. Right now I'm trying something new.....I'm feeding her exclusively on one side, and pumping the other, to try to let the side being pumped heal. And then I plan on switching......Idk what else to do. I've tried all the nipple creams and compresses and hot showers. I'm absolutely miserable and I hate it because she's only this small once :'( I want to fully enjoy her.
Okay.....my pity party is over. Now to her birth story. SORRY THIS POST IS SO SUPER DUPER LONG.
Her birth story is quite a book in itself, so if you're reading this you may want to grab a snack or something first. You're gonna be here a while. 
On Monday, March 10th, (her due date), I went to my clinical shift at 7:30 like normal. I contracted all day while working in the hospital. About 4 p.m., I started timing, and they went from 8-10 mins apart, to about 5-6 minutes apart. I continued timing through the evening, and also went on a walk with Mom, my sisters, my mother-in-law Patty, and my sister-in-law Eba. I think Mom walked me about 4 miles. The walking made the contraction intensity pick up, so I began to consider going in to get checked. I texted DH (who was still working at the time), and we decided for me to time it another hour while he got off work, and then he'd come take me in. Around 9:30-10 pm, we headed into the hospital. Contractions were still coming at a steady 5-6 minutes. They hooked me up to the monitors, watched the baby for a while, and then came to check me. My cervix was VERY posterior. The nurse couldn't reach it, and had to call someone else to check me. Those checks were extremely uncomfortable for me because of my cervical position. Anyhow, they told me I was "fingertip dilated" and about 70% effaced. Around 1-2 a.m., they came in and told me that I was in the early stages of labor and would be more comfortable laboring at home in my own setting. Mom and MIL both figured with my contractions being so steady that I'd be back into L&D within hours. That made DH nervous, so we stayed in Mom's room with her that night. The contractions continued coming, and I was awake for most of the night. Around 8 am, the contractions started to subside, coincidentally right before my 9 am prenatal check up. I had fully expected to be missing that appointment and be close to having my baby in my arms by that time, so I was a little bummed out. We got to the doctor's office and they hooked me up to the NST machine to check on Skylee. I was still contracting but irregularly. Skylee wasn't as reactive as they wanted her to be, so they had me eat something, and then they got the reaction they were looking for. The nurse then came in and told me that my doctor was still out doing a c-section, so there was no one there to check me. She gave me the option of waiting to be checked or just going home, and I opted to go home. I was very discouraged at that point, and I felt like there was no reason to be checked because I obviously wasn't making any progress. My contractions started to pick back up in a regular pattern. We went and walked 4 miles again, and then I came back home and took a nap. I was exhausted from contracting all night. When I woke up, I spent a couple hours on my birth ball, trying different things to get myself to open up and dilate. By around 5-6 p.m. Tuesday, I was over everything. I told Mom that I was done trying things to start my labor. Obviously she wasn't coming until she wanted to, and I was only depressing myself with everything I tried that wasn't working. I decided to just go home that night. When I got back to our condo, I did all of our laundry and cleaned the whole house from top to bottom. Having my house clean and smelling nice put me in a better mood, for sure. I continued to contract all night, regularly, but was able to sleep better than I had the night before.
The next day, DH and I ran some errands, and washed both of our vehicles. I stuck to my decision of not trying any more "tricks", and tried to go about my day in a normal way. Around 4 p.m., my contractions really started picking up in intensity and regularity. Around 8, we decided for me to call the doctor and see what he wanted me to do (even though I was discouraged and felt like there was no point in calling. I was destined to be pregnant forever.) My doctor was 100% jerk when I called. He told me to go ahead and go in to get checked out, but "if you're not in labor, we're not keeping you, so consider that before you go in." I almost let that statement deter me from going.....I was tired of playing games. But, ultimately, I had been contracting for three days and we really just wanted to make sure Skylee was okay and not getting stressed out. So back to the hospital we went. They hooked me up to the monitors, and my contractions were still coming at a steady 5-6 minutes apart. My BP was extremely high for me, I was very swollen, and they found protein in my urine. All of that combined caused my doctor to decide to monitor my BP every 15 mins for 2 hours. It continued to slowly rise, so they decided to keep me overnight to monitor and then discuss what we wanted to do in the morning. I told everyone to go ahead and go home because there was no sense in them sitting in an uncomfortable hospital room for no reason.
They got up to start getting their things together, and about that time my nurse came in and asked me to turn over to my left side. She said, "I think our machines are detecting your heartbeat instead of baby's, so let me adjust you." I didn't think anything of it...just turned over and did what she asked. All of the sudden two other nurses came in, and things started happening very rapidly. One nurse put an oxygen mask on my face, one nurse started initiating an IV, and the other one spread my legs and immediately started checking me. I was terrified. I very quickly figured out that Skylee's heart rate had dropped drastically. DH held my hand and tried to soothe me, but I will never forget looking up into his eyes and seeing the same fear that was very quickly overwhelming me. After what seemed like an eternity, they got her heart rate back up, and left me on oxygen for an hour just to make sure she was getting the oxygen she needed. That moment was probably the scariest thing I have ever been through. I'm very thankful that we decided to go get checked despite my discouragement. After a couple hours things settled back down and everyone went home. DH and I attempted to get some sleep, although neither of us slept very well.
Everyone came back in the morning, and my contractions were still regularly occuring. Around 9:30 my midwife came in and told me they had decided to start a pitocin drip and get my labor moving, because of all of my pre-eclampsia symptoms. At 10 am they started the pitocin. When they checked me, I was still "finger tip" dilated, and about 70% effaced. Because of the protein in my urine, they wanted to do a 24 hour urine check and I had to have a Foley catheter placed. That made me completely miserable. After it was placed, I had the sense of urgency that you get if you haven't peed in like 24 hours! It was a constant feeling of misery. The nurse came in and adjusted it because I was so miserable, but it didn't really help anything. Then she brought in some Dermoplast numbing spray, and while that didn't make it go away, it made it at least tolerable. It didn't take long after the pitocin drip was started for my pain level to drastically pick up. I also began to have terrible and unbearable back labor. Because of complications with the baby's heartrate, they made me stay on either my left side or my right side. I think that was the hardest part of my labor. I had originally planned to be as mobile as possible, and also to use my birth ball to relieve the pain. I wasn't really able to move, so my only option was to focus on breathing through the pain. My Mom warmed up heating pads for me and placed them on my back. She and DH massaged my hips and placed pressure on my back during each contraction. My sister rubbed my hair and softly touched my skin. I know having such a great support system is the only thing that got me through labor. The pain was unreal. Around 5:30, my midwife came in and checked me. My cervix was much more reachable, but I had only dilated to about 1 and 1/2 centimeters and was now 80% effaced. She told me not to be discouraged, that sometimes "these things" take up to 3-4 days. She said she was very happy with the progression I had made. Imagine how utterly defeated I felt to have been in such horrible painful labor for 8 hours straight (not counting the three days of regular contractions) and not to have progressed very far at all. I was ready to give up. My contractions really picked up in intensity after that. I didn't know how I was going to make it. At that point, I probably would have taken the epidural if I even had the option (they wont give it till 3-4 centimeters). They offered Demerol again, and I had been previously declining because I didn't want to feel loopy. At this point, I just needed some kind of relief, so I took 1/4 dose of the Demerol. Just that small amount of the meds made me where I could barely keep my eyes open. I'd say the drug gave me relief through about 3-4 contractions, and then they were back full force. About that time the nurse came in and said "Hailey, the baby is talking to us on the monitor. We want to check you again." I found that strange, but at that point I didn't care who did what. She checked me, and then said "Do you mind if I have one more person check you just to makes sure we're all on the same page?" Again, I didn't care. So the second girl checked me, and then they both agree that I'm at a 7. WHAT?????? An hour and a half ago I was told that I should get comfortable, it could be several days......and all the sudden I'm at a 7?? My Mom and MIL both jumped up and started making phone calls to the rest of the family that they should come sit in the waiting room. About 15 mins later, I felt the need to push and they checked me again, at which point I was a 10. My midwife had already left for the night, so she was en route back to the hospital and they weren't letting me push. They tilted my bed to where my legs were elevated above my head. And the nurse held my legs closed and told me to breathe through the contractions and not push. They also had me get up on my hands and knees but the pain was so unbearable that I couldn't hold myself up in that position. My midwife got there very speedily, and I began to push. It was completely awful. I was so exhausted, in so much pain, and the Demerol was still making me not be able to open my eyes very much. I honestly think at that point, had it not been for DH standing next to me whispering that I could do it, and wiping my face with a cool cloth, and putting oxygen on me every couple minutes......I would have given up. My body was just done. Multiple times my midwife had me place my hand down and feel Skylee's head trying to come through. I'm assuming that was supposed to be an encouragement, but every time I reached down and felt how big her head was trying to come through, I felt like this was never going to be over. After about an hour of pushing, I finally was able to push her out and I will never forget the feeling of her being placed on my chest and the utter relief of the worst part being over. Right before I pushed her out, I tored pretty badly. So while Skylee was being weighed and cleaned up, my midwife was stitching me up. She said it was a multilayer second degree tear. I'm not sure how many stitches it ended up being.....it took her about 45 minutes to sew me up. She weighed 8 pounds 4 ounces and was 21.5 inches long. NO WONDER I had such a difficult time pushing her out. After they got me cleaned up, they brought all of my family and DH's family back to see her. I was utterly exhausted at this point, but felt so peaceful and content watching her be passed around to so many loving family members. I'm so blessed that all of our family got to be there. I don't think I could have done it without the support of everyone. DH was absolutely amazing through everything. He was sick that day with a fever, but he never complained. I'm so thankful for the husband and family that I've been blessed with.
On Monday, March 10th, (her due date), I went to my clinical shift at 7:30 like normal. I contracted all day while working in the hospital. About 4 p.m., I started timing, and they went from 8-10 mins apart, to about 5-6 minutes apart. I continued timing through the evening, and also went on a walk with Mom, my sisters, my mother-in-law Patty, and my sister-in-law Eba. I think Mom walked me about 4 miles. The walking made the contraction intensity pick up, so I began to consider going in to get checked. I texted DH (who was still working at the time), and we decided for me to time it another hour while he got off work, and then he'd come take me in. Around 9:30-10 pm, we headed into the hospital. Contractions were still coming at a steady 5-6 minutes. They hooked me up to the monitors, watched the baby for a while, and then came to check me. My cervix was VERY posterior. The nurse couldn't reach it, and had to call someone else to check me. Those checks were extremely uncomfortable for me because of my cervical position. Anyhow, they told me I was "fingertip dilated" and about 70% effaced. Around 1-2 a.m., they came in and told me that I was in the early stages of labor and would be more comfortable laboring at home in my own setting. Mom and MIL both figured with my contractions being so steady that I'd be back into L&D within hours. That made DH nervous, so we stayed in Mom's room with her that night. The contractions continued coming, and I was awake for most of the night. Around 8 am, the contractions started to subside, coincidentally right before my 9 am prenatal check up. I had fully expected to be missing that appointment and be close to having my baby in my arms by that time, so I was a little bummed out. We got to the doctor's office and they hooked me up to the NST machine to check on Skylee. I was still contracting but irregularly. Skylee wasn't as reactive as they wanted her to be, so they had me eat something, and then they got the reaction they were looking for. The nurse then came in and told me that my doctor was still out doing a c-section, so there was no one there to check me. She gave me the option of waiting to be checked or just going home, and I opted to go home. I was very discouraged at that point, and I felt like there was no reason to be checked because I obviously wasn't making any progress. My contractions started to pick back up in a regular pattern. We went and walked 4 miles again, and then I came back home and took a nap. I was exhausted from contracting all night. When I woke up, I spent a couple hours on my birth ball, trying different things to get myself to open up and dilate. By around 5-6 p.m. Tuesday, I was over everything. I told Mom that I was done trying things to start my labor. Obviously she wasn't coming until she wanted to, and I was only depressing myself with everything I tried that wasn't working. I decided to just go home that night. When I got back to our condo, I did all of our laundry and cleaned the whole house from top to bottom. Having my house clean and smelling nice put me in a better mood, for sure. I continued to contract all night, regularly, but was able to sleep better than I had the night before.
The next day, DH and I ran some errands, and washed both of our vehicles. I stuck to my decision of not trying any more "tricks", and tried to go about my day in a normal way. Around 4 p.m., my contractions really started picking up in intensity and regularity. Around 8, we decided for me to call the doctor and see what he wanted me to do (even though I was discouraged and felt like there was no point in calling. I was destined to be pregnant forever.) My doctor was 100% jerk when I called. He told me to go ahead and go in to get checked out, but "if you're not in labor, we're not keeping you, so consider that before you go in." I almost let that statement deter me from going.....I was tired of playing games. But, ultimately, I had been contracting for three days and we really just wanted to make sure Skylee was okay and not getting stressed out. So back to the hospital we went. They hooked me up to the monitors, and my contractions were still coming at a steady 5-6 minutes apart. My BP was extremely high for me, I was very swollen, and they found protein in my urine. All of that combined caused my doctor to decide to monitor my BP every 15 mins for 2 hours. It continued to slowly rise, so they decided to keep me overnight to monitor and then discuss what we wanted to do in the morning. I told everyone to go ahead and go home because there was no sense in them sitting in an uncomfortable hospital room for no reason.
They got up to start getting their things together, and about that time my nurse came in and asked me to turn over to my left side. She said, "I think our machines are detecting your heartbeat instead of baby's, so let me adjust you." I didn't think anything of it...just turned over and did what she asked. All of the sudden two other nurses came in, and things started happening very rapidly. One nurse put an oxygen mask on my face, one nurse started initiating an IV, and the other one spread my legs and immediately started checking me. I was terrified. I very quickly figured out that Skylee's heart rate had dropped drastically. DH held my hand and tried to soothe me, but I will never forget looking up into his eyes and seeing the same fear that was very quickly overwhelming me. After what seemed like an eternity, they got her heart rate back up, and left me on oxygen for an hour just to make sure she was getting the oxygen she needed. That moment was probably the scariest thing I have ever been through. I'm very thankful that we decided to go get checked despite my discouragement. After a couple hours things settled back down and everyone went home. DH and I attempted to get some sleep, although neither of us slept very well.
Everyone came back in the morning, and my contractions were still regularly occuring. Around 9:30 my midwife came in and told me they had decided to start a pitocin drip and get my labor moving, because of all of my pre-eclampsia symptoms. At 10 am they started the pitocin. When they checked me, I was still "finger tip" dilated, and about 70% effaced. Because of the protein in my urine, they wanted to do a 24 hour urine check and I had to have a Foley catheter placed. That made me completely miserable. After it was placed, I had the sense of urgency that you get if you haven't peed in like 24 hours! It was a constant feeling of misery. The nurse came in and adjusted it because I was so miserable, but it didn't really help anything. Then she brought in some Dermoplast numbing spray, and while that didn't make it go away, it made it at least tolerable. It didn't take long after the pitocin drip was started for my pain level to drastically pick up. I also began to have terrible and unbearable back labor. Because of complications with the baby's heartrate, they made me stay on either my left side or my right side. I think that was the hardest part of my labor. I had originally planned to be as mobile as possible, and also to use my birth ball to relieve the pain. I wasn't really able to move, so my only option was to focus on breathing through the pain. My Mom warmed up heating pads for me and placed them on my back. She and DH massaged my hips and placed pressure on my back during each contraction. My sister rubbed my hair and softly touched my skin. I know having such a great support system is the only thing that got me through labor. The pain was unreal. Around 5:30, my midwife came in and checked me. My cervix was much more reachable, but I had only dilated to about 1 and 1/2 centimeters and was now 80% effaced. She told me not to be discouraged, that sometimes "these things" take up to 3-4 days. She said she was very happy with the progression I had made. Imagine how utterly defeated I felt to have been in such horrible painful labor for 8 hours straight (not counting the three days of regular contractions) and not to have progressed very far at all. I was ready to give up. My contractions really picked up in intensity after that. I didn't know how I was going to make it. At that point, I probably would have taken the epidural if I even had the option (they wont give it till 3-4 centimeters). They offered Demerol again, and I had been previously declining because I didn't want to feel loopy. At this point, I just needed some kind of relief, so I took 1/4 dose of the Demerol. Just that small amount of the meds made me where I could barely keep my eyes open. I'd say the drug gave me relief through about 3-4 contractions, and then they were back full force. About that time the nurse came in and said "Hailey, the baby is talking to us on the monitor. We want to check you again." I found that strange, but at that point I didn't care who did what. She checked me, and then said "Do you mind if I have one more person check you just to makes sure we're all on the same page?" Again, I didn't care. So the second girl checked me, and then they both agree that I'm at a 7. WHAT?????? An hour and a half ago I was told that I should get comfortable, it could be several days......and all the sudden I'm at a 7?? My Mom and MIL both jumped up and started making phone calls to the rest of the family that they should come sit in the waiting room. About 15 mins later, I felt the need to push and they checked me again, at which point I was a 10. My midwife had already left for the night, so she was en route back to the hospital and they weren't letting me push. They tilted my bed to where my legs were elevated above my head. And the nurse held my legs closed and told me to breathe through the contractions and not push. They also had me get up on my hands and knees but the pain was so unbearable that I couldn't hold myself up in that position. My midwife got there very speedily, and I began to push. It was completely awful. I was so exhausted, in so much pain, and the Demerol was still making me not be able to open my eyes very much. I honestly think at that point, had it not been for DH standing next to me whispering that I could do it, and wiping my face with a cool cloth, and putting oxygen on me every couple minutes......I would have given up. My body was just done. Multiple times my midwife had me place my hand down and feel Skylee's head trying to come through. I'm assuming that was supposed to be an encouragement, but every time I reached down and felt how big her head was trying to come through, I felt like this was never going to be over. After about an hour of pushing, I finally was able to push her out and I will never forget the feeling of her being placed on my chest and the utter relief of the worst part being over. Right before I pushed her out, I tored pretty badly. So while Skylee was being weighed and cleaned up, my midwife was stitching me up. She said it was a multilayer second degree tear. I'm not sure how many stitches it ended up being.....it took her about 45 minutes to sew me up. She weighed 8 pounds 4 ounces and was 21.5 inches long. NO WONDER I had such a difficult time pushing her out. After they got me cleaned up, they brought all of my family and DH's family back to see her. I was utterly exhausted at this point, but felt so peaceful and content watching her be passed around to so many loving family members. I'm so blessed that all of our family got to be there. I don't think I could have done it without the support of everyone. DH was absolutely amazing through everything. He was sick that day with a fever, but he never complained. I'm so thankful for the husband and family that I've been blessed with.
I'm attaching some recent pics of our perfect little angel. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: LiFeIsAmIrAcLe has been MIA. Warning: LONG birth story. Finally got it typed out.
Check out my blog: http://blondheimtwins.blogspot.com/
Im so sorry that you had to go through all of that and that you're still having a hard time.
You did an amazing job, Mama! And she is absolutely adorable!!
Keep your head up. Baby blues make you do crazy things...I cried all the time, sometimes for no reason. That's considered "normal". I'm actually still having super emotional moments 5wks PP and had to go talk to a counselor. I can assure you, it does get better!
Being a mom is incredible and life altering. Everything changes; your outlook on life and everything that used to matter, doesn't anymore.
We are here for you!!!!!
But those pics!!!! She is so precious!!! It makes all the pain and emotions worth it, doesn't it?!
Emma Rose
Born 3.11.14
8lbs 14oz, 21.5 in
I'm sure you really have tried everything, but I thought I'd mention Earth Mama Baby Angel nipple butter. I swear it totally saved my nips and I loved that it didn't need to be wiped / washed off like lanolin. I used it the first several days and Baby was totally un-phased by it.
I really hope you get some relief soon - creepy internet hugs and lots of good thoughts your way.
Your breastfeeding experiences sound very similar to mine when I had B. I would cry everytime he would cry to be fed because I just couldn't handle the pain. I couldn't bond with him because I had so much anxiety around feeding him and was too stubborn to call it quits.
To heal took a while, focus on your latch! Latch is key, if she isn't latching properly you will never heal and she won't fully empty you which can cause engorgement and infections!
Also keep your nipples exposed to air as much as possible and I would rinse them with saline after each feed and walk around stay topless for a few hours a day if I was alone.
It will take a while but it will get better! Also I had thrush and didn't know so even after I healed I was still in pain until we both got treated for it!
I'm sorry you had such a long labor with zero progression. You obviously did great and it may not seem like it now, but you will forget the pain.
Skylee is beautiful! Congrats, mama!
Me: 28 DH: 27
Congrats on Skylee and I hope everything keeps getting better
As for your feelings, you're not alone, you're not crazy, you're not a bad mom... The first few weeks are the hardest. You will get into a routine, your baby won't eat as often, you'll get the hang of things. But if you ever feel like it's too much, like you're too sad and overwhelmed, talk to your doctor and don't feel ashamed. Internet hugs!
Now, congrats on your beautiful baby. Life really is a miracle
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Kari~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Married my love 6/11/11 | MMC 10/11/11 | Eliza Frances born 9/18/12 | Rhett Garland born 2/24/14
Married : ** 09/09/2011 ** BFP : 07-18-13 ** Baby #1 is a GIRL , Born 03/12/14 **
** BFP 2 : 01- 05-15 ** EDD 09-11-15 **
And as far as the crying- I've come to the conclusion there will be good days and then there will be days I cry. I've found calling someone helps- just to hear that what I'm feeling is normal
Congrats on your beautiful little girl. Your story was incredible!