did you tell people when you were TTC?

catwine · October 2013

H and I decided to TTC in a few months and we were so excited that we told our best friends (but not parents). my friends didn't seem very excited, which was a bit discouraging:( Did you tell people?

Dr.Loretta · October 2013

Um, no.

"Hi, I just wanted you to know DH and I are having sex with a purpose."

Yeah, I can see why they weren't excited. They might have been weirded out actually.

And it's exciting for YOU, but it's just not going to be as exciting for them. Your wedding, your pregnancy, your baby are always going to be WAY more exciting for you than anyone else.

ETA: if it takes you a while to get pg, you run the risk of people bugging you about it, offering unsolicited advice, or assuming you're pg every time you don't feel well or pass on a glass of wine

And your friends may be TTC and it's not working out so well.

Keep your reproductive plans to yourself

PruePhotos · October 2013

There are a couple of very supportive friends who know, but by and large we aren't telling anyone.

em01092 · October 2013

We told our parents and a few of our closest friends. It's not like we just announced it to them one day, although I did pretty much just tell my grandma (mom figure) and best girl friend. As for the others, either they asked or it came up somehow.

1982Babies · October 2013

I did, just so people knew in case they wondered why I wasn't drinking at girls nite out or something... even while just trying, I'd veer away from alcohol.

Amatadei16 · October 2013

I had to tell people because we were undergoing fertility treatments and, as a teacher, I had to ask colleagues to cover classes for me until I could get to work on monitoring days (and running that practice by my admins). We also told some friends and my parents just for moral support.

Amatadei16 · October 2013

But I should also say next time around, we'll probably keep it as quiet as possible. Once you invite people into your personal life like that, there's a lot of invasive questions and demands to know if you're pregnant yet.

PinkKEL9 · October 2013

I told my 2 best friends but we're very close and we tell each other everything. I also told my aunt who I'm really close to because we had a conversation one day and she asked if we wanted kids anytime soon. I didn't see a problem with it but thats just me.

MrsMac613 · November 2013

I just told my two best friends. They have both been very supportive and excited.

AnnaKaie · November 2013

I told my mom we stopped bcp because I knew that would stop the constant talk about grand kids.

I told a few of my girl friends cause we talk about EVERYTHING.

hazeleyed · November 2013

Nope. As far as everyone knows, we plan to stay childfree for the foreseeable future. I'll wait until we are past the first trimester before I tell people who had been TTC.

LSN8308 · November 2013

ppl are nosy! lol.. i had to tell we were TTC after constant badgering by family just so they wont think we didn't want any kids. and then when we had the IF issues come up we kept our treatments to ourselves for about 3 yrs, after the 2 failed IVFs and 2 failed FETs. DHs family is especially interested in every aspect of our lives so they know and my family knows, but we made it very clear we don't want to hear any questions because we're going thru enough already, even though they just mean well. all we said was, "when theres something to tell, you'll be the first to know"

indianaalum · November 2013

We are keeing it to ourselves, though I assume all of our family/friends assume we are trying based on our age

theholmanherd · November 2013

"DR" Loretta, if you're not a doc, then why have that as your name? Also, your true friends would be happy to know you're trying. My best friends have been supportive of our trying since the beginning, even through the heartbreak of fertility problems. My aunt also knows, in fact she encouraged it before we even made the decision. I don't think it's weird. In fact, it was nice having someone to talk to that actually knew me on a deep level when we were unable to conceive. I also have a close confidant in my church that prays with me about our fertility. So, it's just a matter of picking the right people to support you.

Dr.Loretta · November 2013

theholmanherd said:

"DR" Loretta, if you're not a doc, then why have that as your name? Also, your true friends would be happy to know you're trying. My best friends have been supportive of our trying since the beginning, even through the heartbreak of fertility problems. My aunt also knows, in fact she encouraged it before we even made the decision. I don't think it's weird. In fact, it was nice having someone to talk to that actually knew me on a deep level when we were unable to conceive. I also have a close confidant in my church that prays with me about our fertility. So, it's just a matter of picking the right people to support you.

I am a doctor, just not a medical doctor

My friends did not need to know the details of our sex life. I am a very private person, and sharing those details were not something I felt comfortable discussing. Some friends just weren't at that level of friendship that the status of my uterus was fair game for conversation. I also had co-workers offering to slip me fertility drugs, asking flat out if I liked children, and putting me on the spot in other ways, which made me even less comfortable. Clearly the OP had a similar situation, since the friends she told were more or less put off by the conversation.

I'm very happy that you had people to discuss this aspect of your life with. I did, too, I just didn't go around making a general announcement. It's just not my style. Strokes and folks.

And we're not trying. You clearly don't know my story. Which isn't surprising, it's a New to the Bump board.

Bythenines · November 2013

We told noone besides friends going through the same thing.

toribrite · November 2013

We have told our group of close friends (3 other people), my mom, one of my cousins (because she is excited and asked), and my grandparents know it's coming soon but I don't talk to them much about it.

TickledPinkOrBlue · December 2013

We aren't telling people (except 1-2 close friends), but not family. Everyone's reaction when we say we want kids soon- is a shocked or rude "why!?" or they try and tell us all the negatives. After a while it got annoying, we know they are looking out for us (maybe) but it's our personal decision. Plus I feel like family is sometimes judgmental or may feel that we aren't ready, but I've heard that nobody is really ready for bringing their first child home! haha

111emd · December 2013

DH and I had been married for 5 years (together for 7) and the questions were coming in ALL the time. When we "pulled the goalie" we talked to both our parents and told them so. They were thrilled and the outpouring of support from them was incredible.

After a few months and a heartbreaking diagnosis of anovulation, we did slowly tell some of our friends. I will be honest, some of them were not as supportive as I'd hoped, those friends fell out of our life pretty soon after the fertility treatments. Anytime you hit a new milestone in your life that your friends haven't yet, there is going to be some jealousy/judgement. If you're happy, secure and open then go ahead! But if you're not prepared to be asked ALL the time how things are going then you might wanna keep it under wraps a little longer. And some of the ladies made great points about how it might play out- you need to consider that you might not be one of the lucky ones who gets pregnant right away. Right now it's exciting, but what if it takes a year or 3? Lots to consider! Good luck and baby dust to you and your Dh!

sjanine · December 2013

I did tell my friends that my husband and I were ready to start trying to have a baby. We are the only ones married of our group of friends, so we are already the odd ones out when it comes to going out. We are always the ones that leave early!

My friends are supportive, but I did not express when I found out I was pregnant. Before we tell our friends and family that we are actually expecting, we want to wait until we have a low risk of miscarrying. I actually miscarried a few days after I found out I was 5 weeks along, so I am glad I did not tell any of our friends.

thejucheidea · January 2014

I've told four of my best friends and that is it. No parents are going to be told and no non-friend coworkers (as two of those told are coworkers). We're also not going to be telling people (besides my absolute best friend and our best mutual friend who is also a doula) about any future pregnancy until the 12 week mark if possible. It's really no one's business, for serious.

cateyes543 · January 2014

I have told a few friends who I knew would share in the excitement with us. I have not told family as I want them all to be surprised when it happens and I don't want to be asked every time if we are yet.

Unknown · January 2014

This content has been removed.

marina3203875 · January 2014

We didn't tell anyone! It was only one couple of friends who were ttc since may '13. That's all, but they were on the same page with us)

MarySmithy · January 2014

Nope. We didn't. It is between the two of us. We'll only tell them once a baby is on its way so there would be no pressure.

Sunshyine Brown · March 2014

We're not telling anyone. The simple fact that people ask when it's going to happen and say ignorant things when there not aware how hard your trying and tracking and charting makes it even more of a choice to keep it to ourselves. I had a girl at my job say when are you getting pregnant, your not even trying it's not hard. She says this daily. I finally had to reply, I love when people say ignorant things when they have no idea what your threw or how hard it actually is when your trying for months with no luck. I then told her to stfu and gtf away from me but thats my reason, when it doesn't happen fast the questions can be to painful

shanabandelean · March 2014

Nope, we didn't tell anyone anything until I was in my third month.

mynameisjen · March 2014

I have only told a few very close friends. I think my husband has told one of his friends, too. Now that we are pregnant, we are not going to tell anyone until we see the doctor next month! My sister is visiting from across the country for Easter and leaving the day of the appt, so I'll tell her in order to do it in person, but that's it.

MrsWS · March 2014

Hey all! I have only mentioned it to my mom and close cousin.

catwine · March 2014

Dr.Loretta said:

theholmanherd said:

"DR" Loretta, if you're not a doc, then why have that as your name? Also, your true friends would be happy to know you're trying. My best friends have been supportive of our trying since the beginning, even through the heartbreak of fertility problems. My aunt also knows, in fact she encouraged it before we even made the decision. I don't think it's weird. In fact, it was nice having someone to talk to that actually knew me on a deep level when we were unable to conceive. I also have a close confidant in my church that prays with me about our fertility. So, it's just a matter of picking the right people to support you.

I am a doctor, just not a medical doctor
My friends did not need to know the details of our sex life. I am a very private person, and sharing those details were not something I felt comfortable discussing. Some friends just weren't at that level of friendship that the status of my uterus was fair game for conversation. I also had co-workers offering to slip me fertility drugs, asking flat out if I liked children, and putting me on the spot in other ways, which made me even less comfortable. Clearly the OP had a similar situation, since the friends she told were more or less put off by the conversation.
I'm very happy that you had people to discuss this aspect of your life with. I did, too, I just didn't go around making a general announcement. It's just not my style. Strokes and folks.
And we're not trying. You clearly don't know my story. Which isn't surprising, it's a New to the Bump board.

I'm not opposed to discussing my sex life with my friends if any of them were to ask. now I realize my friends were just freaked out by the possibility of me having a baby because we are all the same age but at different places in life. They have a hard time seeing me as anything but their friend, so me being a mother is kinda weird to them.

I think there are people in everyone's life who will be supportive and those that won't. For example, my mom is going to say we should have waited, we can't afford a baby, blah blah blah but that;s what she said when we bought out house and we are just fine.

mamab3ar · April 2014

I have told three of our friends different variations of the fact that we might have another baby. The first one I brought it up to was very negative about it, but she's negative about everything. What I told her was that I was thinking I wanted to have another baby. I actually think it is more of a jealousy issue, of her wanting a baby and me having two already.

Another friend I told because she lives thousands of miles away and her and I have always shared extremely intimate details about our relationships. She was all sorts of excited for us.

The last person I told was DH's sister. I made a joke to her about she should have another baby so the grandchild distribution for his parents would be even (there are three right now) and she brought up that she would see what would happen and that they were probably going to eventually have another one. That is when I told her that her brother and I were probably just going to try and stop preventing a third kiddo and we too would see what would happen.

I have not told any parents yet. His family would put too much pressure on us to have another one or push for twins etc. I think my dad would be neutral about it but I think my mom would push us to not have another one (not sure exactly on her anymore)

mgeorgeNH · May 2014

My husband and I just got married 8 months ago (after being together for 7 years) so NATURALLY-- in came the "when are you having a baby??" question.

Our original plan was to start TTC in September, hoping for a summer baby and so that is what we told people. THEN we realized by saying that-- people would start asking come October, and that doesn't work very well when you're trying to save the news for 8-12 weeks!

Luckily, my brother got married recently which brough a TON of babies around and has made my husband want to start TTC right then--- aka I'll be about 4 months along and already out in the open about it by the time people THINK we'll start

I think it depends on your friends though -- for example- of my three best friends; one just had a baby, one is single (no boyfriend) and lives at home still and the other is in a committed relationship (not married but own a house together); my single friend could care less! The other two are ecstatic. I could see friends that may have a toddler or more than one not overly caring either because they are tired or have that "good luck, just wait until you find out what it's all about" attitude.

Either way-- it IS exciting! Don't let anyone take that away from you! It may be nice to just have that private time though to not have people constantly checking in to see if your extra romps are working

Mommy62408 · May 2014

We haven't told anyone because it seemed like there would be more pressure because I didn't want the people we told constantly looking for signs that I may be pregnant

Gasbarro2011 · October 2014

We decided to keep it mostly secret. The only person that has any real idea of our TTC schedule is my mom. I told her for moral support. People have been bothering us about having kids from day 1. My MIL used to be one of the most curious, but after our nephew was born she immediately started telling us how we aren't ready. Now we don't discuss kids with her at all. Basically if you do decide to tell anyone be sure that they are going to be supportive. You don't want anyone else spewing negative energy your way when you are trying to be so positive.

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