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Scared (Rant and Ramble)

chicagojackiechicagojackie member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Hey ladies,

In the early stages of the grieving process I started to make myself feel better by thinking (irrational, unpromisable) things like "this won't happen to me again" and "everything will be fine next time...you already have one healthy baby"....

BUT...

then one of my best friends who had a D&C last Thanksgiving and then shared with us she is pregnant again...is---you guessed it--having another m/c. She is a perfect specimen of health! Hasn't been overweight a day in her life (seriously if she wasn't such a sweetheart we couldn't be friends, haha--the woman never has a bad hair day even!) Makes me feel like there is no hope for the overweight diabetic high-risk person with the jerk of a cervix (me!). Not helping is that I have been eating my feelings and now am 6# up from my pre-pregnancy weight with my daughter. Seriously? Insult to injury. Self-injury.

Also one of my husband's cousins is expecting her first baby and they announced it on Facebook all cute with graphics and stationery and stars and hearts and baby carriages (and I totally am happy for them and want to stab my eyes out at the same time). Ugh!

ANYWAY.

Point being now that my little house of cards has fallen (and of course I feel terrible for my friend, too) I am decompensating a little bit. Unmotivated, tired, disconnected from things. But typing this out made me feel somewhat better. And knowing you're reading it makes me feel better too.

PS: All of the above is a TOTALLY INSANE response to "How are you doing?" so, I just say to people who I can't talk to, "Fine."
BFP #1: It's a GIRL! DD born October, 2012
BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
*everyone always welcome*
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Re: Scared (Rant and Ramble)

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    gabbagalgabbagal member
    Type away! I have found it so therapeutic to post and comment here and just write my feelings in general. I'm sorry you have a reason to grieve, but glad you are doing some of the grieving here. I hope it continues to make you feel better.
    Me: 41, DH: 42, married 2009
    BFP #1: 12/05/2012; EDD 08/09/2013; MC 01/2013 (missed, D&C)
    BFP #2: 12/19/2013; EDD 08/25/2014; MC 01/2014 (natural)
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    KingLEDKingLED member
    I'm so sorry you're having a rough time, but I'm glad you are recognizing that it really does happen to anyone for any random reason or none at all. Staying optimistic and hoping for the best, even when it really does feel doomed, is pretty much as good as it gets some times. I hope you continue pushing forward and start feeling better soon.
    Son: Jackson, 11/02/06, stillborn due to PPROM and IUGR. Over the next ten years we had 9 miscarriages from 8-14 weeks. On May 18, 2016 my daughter, Ridley, was born. We're OADNBC.
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    eveiej76eveiej76 member
    I hope you are feeling a little better.....It's a rough time, and people who have never experienced our grief, in the way we have, never quite get it or understand fully...

    What I will say is that for some reason, everywhere I go lately, I see lots of women with their new babies...It just hits me hard, I probably saw plenty of women in the street with babies before, but now I am very conscious of it....

    I really wish you the best, and hope you can be strong and move forward, day by day...

    Take care...
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    stephy1221stephy1221 member
    I am so sorry for you and your friend's losses. I think @ellyd14 put it great about hoping for the best when you feel doomed. I hope that you can once again find some hope. Hugs.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

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    AggieBeth06AggieBeth06 member
    We aren't in the class that asks you how you're doing and expects "fine."

    (((Hugs)))


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    PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
    Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

    PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
    Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
    3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
    D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

    All Welcome

    Chart

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