XP: Long over due. WTF

mm29 · March 2014

WTF really didn’t provide me with any clarity. I wish it did, it just raises more questions for me. Our RE really doesn't know why it didn't work. She feels we have MFI on top of DH’s BT, because our embryos usually look good up to day three, including the cycles with my eggs. It sucks that all our SA’s are perfect, DH’s sperm DNA fragmentation was only 1%, anything below 15% is considered normal. I guess there just isn't a test for what is wrong with DH’s sperm.

I discussed my concerns of implantation dysfunction. **TMI warning** I told her about spotting before each period and having clots. I was thinking I may have blood clotting issues. I have told every doctor and RE I have seen about this. Up until today, every doctor I have talk to about this has not been concerned about this, well she is. She said this is symptomatic of endometriosis, which could explain my unexplained DOR and possibly our failures.

She is going to run a complete RPL panel, the one I had drawn at my old clinic was not complete. I have had NK cells lab work completed in the past—she is going to look at that more closely to make sure something wasn’t missed. I am going to have a Lap in May to rule out endometriosis.

We also discussed our options if we decide to cycle again.

1. Cycle again with DE and DH’s sperm—as this may have just been a bad cycle, but everything suggests it wasn’t. However, she stated she would be thrilled if we tried again.

2. Cycle with my eggs and donor sperm--IUI.

3. DE/DS

4. Donor Embryo. The wait list is 6 months to a year at my clinic

5. Adoption

DH is open to trying DS in the future. Although he is not interested in cycling anytime soon. I’m not sure if this means we will cycle in 6 months, a year, or two.

I’m at the point that I’m not sure if it will ever happen for us. On top of DH wanting to take an extended break, money is a huge factor into when we will be able to cycle again. We are middle class, with no IF coverage. We have utilized all our financial resources. We have no equity in our house—we bought it right before the housing market crashed. We borrowed from our cars for our first three IVF with my OE's. We took out a significant loan for this DE cycle. I am at a loss.

I’m open to any theories/suggestions to why we can’t get knocked up. If you know of a reputable psychic who can look into their crystal ball to tell us what needs to happen to help us get and stay pregnant let me know. After TTC for almost 6 years I’m getting tired, but I know that I am not one who will ever be able to move on and live a CF lifestyle.

BeckyP005 · March 2014

I am so sorry your WTF is still a WTF. I'm so new to this that I have no suggestions

So many decisions..so unfair..big huge hugs and good luck with the testing. I wish I could say more to help. FX that YH after some time will want to cycle sooner than later.

jbasore1123 · March 2014

No advice but I wanted to offer hugs. I've been diagnosed with BT and know how hard it is. It down right sucks. We are facing deciding between many of the same options you are and I know it's scary and overwhelming. I wish you and YH luck in deciding which is the best option for you.

MrsT4 · March 2014

Oh @mm29, I’m so sorry you find yourself at a crossroads and that your WTF didn’t provide much clarity for you. I also hate that money (or lack of) has to dictate our treatment plans, as I’ve been there myself….so sending huge (((HUGS))) your way.

Disclaimer: I’m certainly not a doctor and I certainly don’t have all of the answers, but if I were in your shoes based on your history, I would consider saving up for donor eggs (whether you use DH’s sperm, donor sperm or even a mix – I think I’ve heard some people doing this as well) as that would probably give you the best chance for success or get on the list for embryo adoption (even though the wait sucks, it would allow you time to save money while you would be “on the list”). Although I’m not certain if you have to put a deposit to get on the list?

Of course, both you and DH have to be ready to give up your genetics and should take time to grieve this loss. For me, I was ready to move to donor eggs after 3 of my own egg IVF’s failed, but I realize everyone is different….and to some degree you have age on your side (vs. someone like me who was already 40 when I had my first IVF).

I can only provide my own personal thoughts on adoption, which for me would have been just as expensive as a donor cycle and I felt I had a better chance of having multiple children (if we got frozen embryos) for the same price of a single adoption. Plus, I really wanted to be able to carry (if at all possible) because I was already giving up my genetics. And honestly, I think DH and I have “aged out” of adoption, at least from some of the big agencies.

Obviously you have to do what works best for you and DH and your situation. Let me also add that I’ve been to 4 different RE’s plus 1 RI and have had 6 IVF cycles (total of 12 embryos transferred – 2 each time) plus 6 IUI’s and for me, the only “successful” cycles came from donor eggs (1 ended in a chemical pregnancy and 1 out of my last 2 has stuck around so far…I’m 11 weeks today.)

Sadly, I don’t even know what the “magic” formula was for me this cycle and I don’t think my doctor knows either.

I don’t know if I’ve helped you at all (I wish I had a crystal ball, believe me) but just wanted to offer my support and perspective. I hope you are able to weigh all of your options and come up with a plan that will work best for you and DH.

(((Hugs))) again and remember the ladies here are very knowledgeable about using donor eggs and embryo adoption, so feel free to ask more questions as you weigh your options. Best of luck to you as you consider next steps!!

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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mm29 · March 2014

MrsT4 said:

I would consider saving up for donor eggs (whether you use DH’s sperm, donor sperm or even a mix – I think I’ve heard some people doing this as well) as that would probably give you the best chance for success or get on the list for embryo adoption (even though the wait sucks, it would allow you time to save money while you would be “on the list”). Although I’m not certain if you have to put a deposit to get on the list?

Unfortunately our last cycle was a DE cycle. DH and I haven't discussed our next steps of TTC in detail. However I think we will to a few DS IUIs and when that doesn't work we will either move onto Donor Embryo or DS/D-EG.

XP: Long over due. WTF

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