Oh DH

daniann333 · March 2014

I want to hit you right now....

He just informed me that he has tomorrow off but still wants our sitter (who is 67yo and my aunt) to come and watch LO because he has some errands to run and is just going to hang out at his friends house until the normal time when he gets off work. Am I overreacting by thinking he is a complete ass right now. Learn how to take care of your freaking kids....

sorry, I type in run on sentences when I am pissed.

SoSweetTea1124 · March 2014

yep, he's being an ass!!

sands42 · March 2014

Oh hell no.

daniann333 · March 2014

At Least I am not the only one who thinks this is asinine. I mean, learn to take care of your kids. And if you need time to yourself, do it when I am home on the weekends. Can't stand him right now.

cagoldi · March 2014

Sing2phins said:
My DH is off every other Friday. He keeps Maggie home unless he has appointments, but he always drops her late or picks her up early if he can. So I'm with you; I'd be a little ticked.

ETA: We pay by the week, whether she's there or not; do you pay by the day/hour? If so, I'd be even more upset.

This. We pay be the week whether DS attends or not.

Truth be told, on days when I am really sleep deprived I fantasize about requesting the day off, sending him to daycare, and catching up on some rest.

cagoldi · March 2014

*snipped quote*

I'm not above that. I don't have any PTO earned back yet (used it all for maternity leave), so I haven't, but I totally would.

Yep, that's the only reason I haven't. Not enough PTO earned since my leave and I need to save some for the FL wedding we're going to in October.

I agree with @joelies. Taking some time to yourself is one thing but if it's to avoid spending time alone with the baby I wouldn't be cool with that.

inlove0509 · March 2014

Sigh, Daniann! I'm with ya! My DH does stuff like this too. My parents will watch our baby for 2 hours (tues and thurs) after DH gets home from work. Once I get home, then my folks leave. DH has time to shower, change, do computer work alone. Ahhhhh I'm so jealous!! But he has recently been better with the baby-- today he took her for a walk to the mailbox alone. Baby steps!!

Sorry mama!! Hope you find some alone time soon!

daniann333 · March 2014

cagoldi I get that. I have called my mom and asked if I could bring C over so I could sleep for a little bit. But I don't pretend to go to work...I think thats was pissed me off. Plus my aunt is doing us a huge favor and we pay next to nothing as it is and we pay daily. The money isn't the issue. It was that he is pretty much hands off as it is. He is great with DS1 who is 6 but SUCKS with LO. So I am not entirely sure why he needed a break...(prime example) last night I asked if he could take C so I could pump. He asked if I could wait a little bit. (he was playing a game). WTF...this is the shit that happens at my house.

Sorry....more of a vent than a response

inlove0509 · March 2014

Again, I'm getting chills how similar my DH is to yours. So awesome with our toddler but hates babies. i just started therapy again to work on my resentment toward DH for his lack of help and interest (aka love) for our babe. Do you think counseling might be helpful for you too?

inlove0509 · March 2014

Sing2phins said:

inlove0509 said:

Again, I'm getting chills how similar my DH is to yours. So awesome with our toddler but hates babies. i just started therapy again to work on my resentment toward DH for his lack of help and interest (aka love) for our babe. Do you think counseling might be helpful for you too?

Do you honestly think your DH doesn't love your baby? I'm not sure lack of interest means he doesn't love baby. Isn't possible he just isn't comfortable with or doesn't feel competent around the baby? If he's such a great dad to your toddler, I suspect the perceived fragility of the baby weirds him out. If I thought my husband didn't love our baby, that would be a dealbreaker for me.

I think this is what I'll hash out with my therapist. When he refuses to hold her and calls her "ew too drooly" or annoying, I interpret it as not loving her. It breaks my heart. I'm sure he does love her..... Just from a safe distance. My DH's main personality trait (according to some personality test we took before marriage) is called a Maximizer: he hates challenges and only wants to improve upon things he's already good at. Baby girl is a challenge (especially her first 2 months of constant crying and doc appts) and requires patience as all babies do. He doesn't feel competent or comfortable with her. He reassures me when she's older, he'll be better with her.

I did try "sink or swim" method and left her alone with him while going to the gym a few times. Whoa didn't work. It just freaked him out more and he was angry and so stressed out not knowing how to comfort her.

I try to be understanding of DH and have accepted that I do all her parenting but every now and then I get frustrated/exhausted and feel very resentful of DH for having the option to just wait until she's older to parent her. Mamas can't do that! Sorry for the earful!! I'm a rambler

sorry Daniann-- not trying to hijack your thread.

inlove0509 · March 2014

It feels good to hear you say this, @Sing2Phins. It makes this less sucky. also knowing that another mama, DaniAnn, is having a similar situation, makes me feel less alone on this. We did a newborn basics class before DD2 came along so I don't know what other class might be out there. I think the counseling session might be a good idea-- like a couples session--- after I get a head start on sorting this out.

But the upside is I get more of her cuddles and smiles all to myself!

Thanks for the ideas and kind words!

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