Wtf blah

sorrellam30 · March 2014

Basically we have lots of options but can't afford any of them. For the first time I literally don't know what to do. We are very interested in DE (possibly DS) but if we do shared risk (bc infertility has taught us to DO shared risk if we can) we are looking at 35-40,000$. Maybe if we hadn't already spent 35k. Ugh.
Obviously there are other adoptions like infant or embryo adoption but I honestly don't know.
RE also says we can try once more with my own eggs but I feel like we'd be wasting money on medications.
I feel like DE is the right path but I have no idea how we'll make it happen.
Sorry I'm rambling. Maybe I'll have a clearer head tomorrow.

liz4paws · March 2014

Biggest hugs. I think the crossroads of IF are some of the hardest parts. I hope that you are able to come to a decision you feel good about and it brings you peace. Thinking of you as you get there.

luvboston · March 2014

Hugs, if we could get you the meds would you want to give it a try? I think if the answer is yes then you are not ready for de and also if you want to try again I will make it my personal job to work with the OOP coordinator to do so.
I think DE could be great but 35k is alot.

Whatever you choose I hope you have success!

beachy6 · March 2014

Sending my thoughts to you as you try and make a difficult (and expensive) decision. I know that the OOP program saved my butt this time!! So, I agree with luvboston. But, if your heart is in DE and you can decide how to make it work, that's a great option, also. It really disgusts me with how expensive all of this is. It's disgusting to me that in a country as great as ours that finances determine our treatments. Hugs your way as you decide where to go next.

Km672 · March 2014

I hate that you even have to worry about the financial part of this when deciding your next steps.

If you truly feel that DE is the right route for you, I think you should listen to yourself. I know it's very easy for me to say, but I know the feeling of being done with your own eggs.

When I was done, I was absolutely at peace with my decision and never wanted to look back. Of course, it's been very expensive and we were very fortunate to have very good coverage for our treatments.

I understand why you would want to do a shared risk, but would you consider a frozen egg cycle or a shared DE cycle? I'm not trying to add to the confusion if you've already made up your mind about shared risk. Just trying to mention other less expensive DE options.

I hope you get some rest and some clarity after you have some time for yourself.

Grateful&Thankful · March 2014

I feel your pain. I am almost at that crossroads too. This is cycle 5.5 for me and I never have had anything to freeze. I don't know how much more I can take either. I am warming up to the idea of DE too. The cost is just so scary!

sorrellam30 · March 2014

First of all, I love you guys so much

I think we both had our hearts set on DE because we are both ready to move on and have higher hopes for success. That said, doing one more cycle w my eggs is still on the table because it might be cheaper (IF it would work).
Weirdly frozen eggs did not seem significantly cheaper at our clinic, not enough to choose it over a fresh DE shared risk.
They do have "all inclusive shared risk" and regular shared risk. Main difference being all inclusive covers all cost while regular we would pay an additional $5,000 per cycle. With regular we can apply for a discount so maybe before we decide anything we'll see IF we would qualify for a discount and how much it would be.
Hope I'm not being confusing!

brooklynesque · March 2014

A few thoughts for you from a DE lady:

-- As others have said, go with your gut. You'll know when it's time to move on from your OE. I could have cycled again with my OE but I was just over it. Others need to exhaust all possible options before they feel they can move on.

-- If you decide you'd like to use DE, don't just look at your current clinic or even your current metro area. It's easy to travel for DE because from the perspective of the recipient it's like an FET. If you'd like ideas for cost-effective but excellent clinics/packages ask here on the TPR board and also ideally on PVED (private message boards for DE ladies). Also, if it turns out you are going to drop $35k, you might as well drop it at a top top DE clinic, not just wherever you happen to be.

-- As you probably already know, donor embryos are a lot cheaper than DE, and are a great option particularly if part of your problem is MFI.

-- Finally, the great thing about DE/DEmbryo is that your age no longer matters much (within reason). If you need to take a couple of years to save the eggs/embryos will be just as good -- no more ticking clock. I know it sucks to wait longer when you've waited so long, but at least you don't have to keep worrying about your AMH plummeting.

Good luck as you figure out what to do next.

Mrs.McIrish · March 2014

brooklynesque said:

A few thoughts for you from a DE lady:

-- As others have said, go with your gut. You'll know when it's time to move on from your OE. I could have cycled again with my OE but I was just over it. Others need to exhaust all possible options before they feel they can move on.

-- If you decide you'd like to use DE, don't just look at your current clinic or even your current metro area. It's easy to travel for DE because from the perspective of the recipient it's like an FET. If you'd like ideas for cost-effective but excellent clinics/packages ask here on the TPR board and also ideally on PVED (private message boards for DE ladies). Also, if it turns out you are going to drop $35k, you might as well drop it at a top top DE clinic, not just wherever you happen to be.

-- As you probably already know, donor embryos are a lot cheaper than DE, and are a great option particularly if part of your problem is MFI.

-- Finally, the great thing about DE/DEmbryo is that your age no longer matters much (within reason). If you need to take a couple of years to save the eggs/embryos will be just as good -- no more ticking clock. I know it sucks to wait longer when you've waited so long, but at least you don't have to keep worrying about your AMH plummeting.

Good luck as you figure out what to do next.

I agree with most of this. If you are going to do DE, do your homework. I learned the hard way. I was trying to do it less expensively and It blew up in my face. Don't just use your local clinic. Don't go anywhere with a DE live birth rate less than 60% (national average for 2012 is 56%). Also look at number of cycles- if they did like 20, I don't trust them.. It's a lot of $ on the line so go to the best place you can afford. Traveling is doable..but tricky with a 36 hr trigger notice if you at flying-- you will be there for 6 days at the least if flying. Don't do frozen at "just" anywhere. Very few places have mastered it. Don't set yourself up for ore disappointment by doing it at a place that is still learning. Finally, know that DE is not a cure all. I've done 4 DE transfers: no baby. No real reason detected.

hmz819 · March 2014

We were at this same crossroad in nov. All I can say is go with your gut. It's such a tough decision and each couple makes different decisions based on their own set of circumstances. I wish there was some kind of crystal ball that would show us what the right path is.

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