OMG I just got a good laugh from another board.

Scorpgirl444 · March 2014

So I decided to go back to my original board...July 2012 moms. Why? I have no idea but I did. So I saw this post where everyone is ranting on other moms from future birth months or the toddler 12-24 month board.

Someone actually said they want to stab themselves when someone goes on their board and asks if they could possibly be pregnant. I just kept thinking...because some of you singleton moms have *never* come on a multiples board because of your high betas and want everyone's opinion on whether or not you were having multiples of your own. "Could it possibly be....??????"

I was so wanting to write about how this board has similar posts about the singleton moms because of how absolutely hard they have it with their one baby. I did not though. I wasn't going to give out our secrets here. :-)

Oh but the laugh was good. I'm missing my munchkins tonight so I needed a little pick me up.

KatieGummow · March 2014

That is funny! Way to be a bigger person, that's the best way to go.

JoDoc · March 2014

Scorpgirl444 said:

I was so wanting to write about how this board has similar posts about the singleton moms because of how absolutely hard they have it with their one baby. I did not though. I wasn't going to give out our secrets here. :-)

My twin boys was my first pregnancy. They are 4 months now. Seriously, I don't understand how people with one baby can bitch about how difficult it is and how little time they have. I'm not talking about parents who have multiple children of different ages...I'm talking about people with one, single baby in the house. That's it. Or a baby and an older child (school age). Really people? I have twin babies and a 15 yr old step-son. My days are filled with bottles, diapers, entertaining, soothing, cuddling, laundry, (all of this times 2) and then my evenings are filled with trying to get all of the house work done that I couldn't during the day because their sleep times were off. Yes, I do get help from my amazing husband and son, but it pisses me off when singleton moms complain that they are "so busy" during the day.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Brummy14 · March 2014

Truth. I get that it's all relative or whatever, but my god. Parents with just one baby wear *me* out with the time and energy they have to throw into ... parenting. Like, tumbling and infant swimming classes, researching their parenting theories, telling all of the rest of us that 2.7 seconds of TV will rot our childrens' brains (with links to prove it!), just to name a few. If I get my girls fed and we have two non-whiny babies between the time I get home from work and bedtime, that would night would go down in the history books. And, that's with a highly involved DH. When do the witching hour(s) end?! We took to taking the girls for walks...in the basement. All winter. And, now that doesn't even do it for one of them anymore.

sasky · March 2014

Parenting is hard no matter what. I don't think it's fair to insinuate that caring for a singleton newborn easy.
Whether you have 1 or multiples, people are allowed to vent or ask for help. I don't know what I would have done without online support when I was struggling and exhausted and had no idea what I was doing.

mer313131 · March 2014

Too funny. I was a July 2012 mom too! Although I switched over to the FB group about halfway through.

Brummy14 · March 2014

sasky said:

Parenting is hard no matter what. I don't think it's fair to insinuate that caring for a singleton newborn easy. Whether you have 1 or multiples, people are allowed to vent or ask for help. I don't know what I would have done without online support when I was struggling and exhausted and had no idea what I was doing.

Agreed. That's why we're venting here -- it's the safest place for all of us to do that. We all understand it's completely relative -- but that doesn't mean we can't shake our heads at parents of a single child who find their (barring any major challenges) existing reality difficult beyond compare. Is caring for a newborn easy? No. Is caring for a newborn significant easier than caring for two? In almost all cases, that would be a resounding 'yes.'

Some of the biggest challenges of raising multiples is that whole feeling of "no one gets how tough this is" concept -- and I'm not going to witch to my friends with one baby about it all of the time. I try to minimize that, or they're just going to not want to talk to me. At all. That doesn't mean that they're not equally obnoxious from my perspective from time to time, too (goodness knows they feel the same way about me).

And, this is my haven to vent about it.

JoDoc · March 2014

I wasn't trying to imply that parents with only 1 baby can't vent, or can't have bad days. But when I hear a parent of 1 baby complain because they were so busy and couldn't get their 30 minute shower (have heard that) each day instead of a 10 minute one (I'm lucky if I get that, although once my DH is home it's easier to get the 10 minute shower) or they couldn't make their usual elaborate meal (have heard that) instead of throwing something in the crock-pot (my usual choice, although it's good and have had no complaints) or that they just can't fit in one more "Mommy and Me" class during the day (have heard that) or they'd have no time to themselves (I wish!) I think I'll scream. Yes, singleton moms are busy, and Mom's of Multiples are busy, but when I hear someone complaining that they don't get the luxuries every day when I'd love to have just a portion of one of those "luxuries", I want to smack them with a stupid stick.

I love my Stay At Home Mom "job", I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But to put it into perspective, listening to them complain is at times like being stuck in the office with no windows, never getting out, and hearing someone complain that the sun is too bright as they sit on the beach sipping a cold drink. No, it's not that extreme I know, but it's just an example. There are many days that while I'm home with my boys I do feel like I'm on a vacation. When I see them smile, when I hear them giggle in the morning when I greet them with "Good Morning Sunshine!", when their little arms wrap around my neck as I am burping them, or when they fall asleep on my shoulder and sigh a deep sigh of contentment. I wouldn't trade that for all the beach scenes in the world!

LucyRicardo3 · March 2014

^ what's a daily shower? lol

KatieGummow · March 2014

This is how I selfishly feel about growing twins vs a singleton sometimes

TheDairyQueenx3 · March 2014

In all honesty my singleton was much harder. Horribly recovery after birth, he was way more work than my twins, I got much less sleep with him, BF was harder, just everything in general was harder. I am most likely the minority but my twins pregnancy, birth, amount of sleep, and over all caring for them has been significantly easier than he ever was. The only thing I find hard is getting all three kids out of the house on my own in all this snow and ice.

I think being a mom no matter how many kids you have is hard. Everyone handles situations differently. However, I do believe we are all twin moms for a reason and the others are not though.

Dragonfly1226 · March 2014

I have the benefit of having just one singleton and then having a set of twins as numbers 2 and 3. I can honesty say without a doubt that taking care of my DS as a singleton baby was a lot more difficult and time consuming than DS as a two and a half year old and twin DDs. Now that we are approaching the year mark, I would say having three mobile children is more difficult than having just one but as smaller babies my DS alone was the hardest. He was just a more demanding baby.

Scorpgirl444 · March 2014

I'm just going to throw in there that I am also a single mom. Unfortunately I don't have full custody or even primary custody of the twins. (I will just say...I have learned my lesson when it comes to trying to leave because I was in fear of mine and my kids lives...never again)

When I do have them...I am their mom and their dad. I'm it. I live alone and I have no friends or family where I live. My closest family (boyfriend who I consider family and friends who I consider family) are in San Antonio. My actual family is in NJ.

I do get a lot of down time since I don't have them all the time. Those days I do have them...it's tough. It's tough to be the only person dealing with the tantrums and all of their needs and wants. It's hard to wrangle them when we go out. Again, I do get time to myself also which makes those days I do have them easier. I also cherish them that much more.

bumpuser924057 · March 2014

I also had a singleton before I had twins, and he was a very hard infant - terrible reflux, cried all the time, hated any and all baby-holding gear items, etc. The twins still weren't (and aren't) easy, but they are on the whole much calmer babies than my DS was. But I'm also an experienced parent now, with more tricks up my sleeve, and that helps too. I remember feeling like it was really hard to get out of the house with DS as a baby - I'd obsessively plan between feedings, try to wait until after he pooped to leave for errands, absolutely HAD to be home for nap time come hell or high water. Lol, I had no idea how hard it could really be.

macchiatto · March 2014

I can understand that. I agree that all moms have the right to vent but I think it's understandable to shake your head a little when someone complains about a situation that you wish you had.

Re the moms with 1+twins, I do wonder how big of a difference it makes to be a first-time mom versus a second (or more)-time mom. Like of course individual babies have different needs and some singletons are really challenging and some multiples are relatively easy, but I think being a first-time mom can be overwhelming regardless of number of babies and I wonder if that factors in to some 1+twins mom feeling like their twins were so much easier; I'm sure in those cases the twins were usually more even-tempered babies than the first, but the moms also knew what they were doing (to some extent; every baby's different and new logistics to figure out!) the second time around.

Regardless though, I agree that the "who has it harder" comparisons tend to fall flat; every parenting scenario has its pros and cons, and there are so many variables, you really can't make blanket statements about what's harder or easier beyond your own experience.

Wishing35 · March 2014

As a FTM of twins I was completely overwhelmed the first 3 months. I think I would have been had my first been a single but less so. I keep thinking the next baby we have it will be so much easier ,especially through the purple crying stage when it seemed like I didn't have enough arms and felt like I was performing acrobatics to soothe them both! Being a mom is hard regardless of how many babies, we all just do the best we can.

SV917 · March 2014

Neither one of mine are particularly difficult babies but I still think it would be easier with one even if s/he was more challenging. Logistically it is hard for me to go anywhere in this cold weather with them and at home I'm either juggling both (and they rarely want to coordinate naps) or my husband takes one while I take the other so there is never a break. Whenever I just take one out for appointments and such I am always amazed at how easy it is.

No doubt having one baby is hard work and I don't complain about how hard two infants are to singleton mothers (because that's obnoxious), but when I'm with my husband or other MoMs, we have a good laugh at singleton parents who complain about one baby.

JoDoc · March 2014

LucyRicardo3 A daily shower is something that is rare and coveted...

Few ever experience this anomaly and those that do annoy the rest of us who don't. LOL

@SC917 I agree. I had a sick little boy (3 months old) and went to the walk-in-clinic. I left my hubby and other baby home. While it wasn't especially easy having a sick baby, it was easy compared to how it would have been had there been 2 to care for, even if 1 of them would have been well behaved. I wouldn't trade my twin boys for anything, and thank God every day that He trusted me with Twins. I wonder though, for the moms that say their singleton baby was harder than their twin babies, was it because the singleton was first and it was a "first-time-mom" thing, or because the baby was truly harder? I don't want that to sound condescending in any way, it's a sincere question with no malice meant. These twins are my first pregnancy, so I can't compare it to any other situation.

TheDairyQueenx3 · March 2014

@JoDoc‌ for me it was my singleton was truly a harder more demanding baby. He needed my every waking moment or his world would come crashing down. An he STILL can be like that. He just turned four and he just started sleeping threw the night about 2 weeks ago (some nights not every night yet) my twins are 4 months and are pretty close to sleeping all night most nights. They sleep so much better than him. He never could self soothe. He seriously was twice the amount of work my twins are. Yes I'm more experienced this time around but my twins are half the amount of stress and struggles as he was. Don't get me wrong I love him to death and he is an awesome kid but even today he is more work than these guys.

I have literally NO help from anyone with my twins and with my singleton I had lots of family to help. Yet still I find life with twins 1,000 times easier than it was with just him.

For my oldest it's truly a personality thing. He is the sweetest, most loving little guy but man does he give DH and I a run for our money. The twins are calm and quiet and just easy babies.

kiwi443 · March 2014

I agree that you really can't determine if someone else's situation is easier or harder, regardless of whether or not it "should" be.

My singleton was a much easier infant because he was an amazing sleeper and eater. My twins - not so much. But, the toddler years have been less challenging (so far!) with the girls versus my son, mainly due both of them having less intense personalities.

bumpuser924057 · March 2014

@JoDoc‌ my older DS had horrible reflux. He threw up almost everything he ate, and it made both of us miserable. Everyone was like "oh, baby wearing is the best" and I couldn't do it because he would drench me with vomit every single time. No one wanted to hold him because they'd get puked on. I felt like I had to feed him constantly because he barely kept any down. It was SO stressful. In contrast, my boy twin spits up a little after he eats; just a little, enough that a regular burp cloth can handle it. My girl twin almost NEVER spits up at all. It is a whole world of difference. BUT I do think that having twins second has made other things (dealing with crying, routines, etc) much easier, so I can see where you're coming from.

Burberry0421 · March 2014

My SIL complained everyday about what a difficult baby her first kid was. This little girl is quiet, keeps to herself, entertains herself, etc. Easiest kid on the block. She then had a son who, when I found out I was having two boys, made me sob uncontrollably because he is such a hellion.

People's perspective can sometimes be a little screwy. Some singletons are tough, some aren't. My daughter was a walk in the park, and I really couldn't complain too much. There were days, but for the most part...she was a cakewalk. Now, I'm having twins. Pray for me.

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