i hate people.

MrsCase1 · March 2014

ok, so that's not true. i just hate people who rob us of our sense of safety and security.

there is a mcdonald's that dh and i often meet at to exchange lincoln when dh works late. often times dh will take lincoln inside to play for a minute or to get a happy meal, etc. the mcdonald's is in a nice enough area.

i guess some pervert went in there, found a young girl, made a crude comment then molested her. he left immediately so the entire thing went down in less than, say, 2 minutes.

i know more than one person who has been molested by a stranger, in public, in an assault that lasted less than 5 minutes.

it is so hard to not feel discouraged. i know logically that this is not an every-day occurrence but is still unsettling to think about it happening. when these play areas are crowded, it is totally normal for an adult to be standing next to kids directing them, assisting them, scolding them, etc. it isn't unusual to see an adult in the area is all i'm saying. not like you can know with ease who should be there and who shouldn't.

molestation is a huge fear for me. i check the sex offender registry regularly and did so before we moved to our new neighborhood but we still have a neighbor who creeps me out. dh was taking lincoln for a walk around the block and some guy maintaining his yard says, "that is a really gorgeous little boy! he is so sweet! if you ever want to leave him here with me to get some time to yourself, just bring him over!" WTF??? hell no will i bring my kid to stay with some stranger. i just want to live in safe mayberry where i don't have to fret about if my kid plays outdoors alone in a few years. i guess diligence is key. sigh.

LilyGracesMommy · March 2014

It is so sickening what goes on in the world, especially in regards to young children.

I don't know if it's being a parent or the times we currently live in; but I remember being maybe 6 years old running around the neighborhood with other kids of varying ages and coming home "when the street lights came on". It saddens me that even tho we live in a nice area, I don't think I will ever feel comfortable letting my kids "wander" the neighborhood/go on walks alone until at least middle school, if that.

I don't know if there really are more "bad/sick"people or if we are just more aware now, KWIM?

Either way I figure the best thing to do is from a young age teach kids about stranger danger and that their private parts should not be touched by anyone, but themselves, all while not making them feel ashamed of their bodies, so if something were to happen they would hopefully feel comfortable to tell me or DH about it...

Parenting is constant fear and worrying, if you focus on the scary things all the time. From what I hear it doesn't even end once they're 18...

tbmadeamistake · March 2014

It's such a difficult line to walk, protecting and informing your child vs. living in fear and making them afraid. I'm so sorry it's hitting close to home right now, literally. I don't know how my parents did it, as I don't remember any discussions about it, but I did always know that my body was mine and no one should be touching it unless I said it was ok. I wasn't afraid, but I was sufficiently wary. I think I need to ask my mom if she remembers how she taught us this.

MrsCase1 · March 2014

They're still looking for the guy. He was a totally "normal" looking older man in a nice coat. Drove a decent car, etc. You wouldn't have thought twice about him if he were in the restaurant next to you. They have his face on camera so I hope they catch him soon.

wtfisup · March 2014

LilyGracesMommy said:

I don't know if there really are more "bad/sick"people or if we are just more aware now, KWIM?

It's just the new modes of communication and how news has been monetized. Things that used to be kept quiet or hidden behind shame are now monetized through media, and information is widely available.

This kind of things generally doesn't worry me too much. Here are the things I know:

I cannot protect this child from pain, bad people, or sad events.
I can teach my child safety.
I can support and love my child when she hurts.
I can use my best judgement and teach her to use hers.
For my health as well as her own, I can accept that much of her life is beyond my control, but that the world is predominately full of good people who want to protect themselves and others. (Those people = the readership that make bad stories popular. The most of us are shocked, upset, and dismayed.)

Back when we didn't want kids at all, no way, no how, part of my feelings toward kids were about fear and anxiety. My own brother died at 19, and in addition to my own loss, I saw the horror of my parents losing a child. Additionally, I experienced a lot of rough stuff -- rape, depression, abuse, suicidal years, PTSD, poverty, and some situations that were just not good. Younger Me worried about how on earth I could ever have a child knowing in advance what it's like to lose one -- why would I put myself at risk of that? And then if I did have a child that didn't die, how would I Iive with the potential for it to endure horrific pain and trauma, like I had?

For me, I've always known I can't prevent those things. Nothing my mother could have done would have changed the course of my life. And still, I'm okay. I have a good job, an amazing husband, great friends, and I'm so proud of where I've come. My daughter will encounter something bad, as much as I don't want any of it, and I will help her survive it, if possible. But these aren't things we control.

And weirdly, it helps me that I don't quite see this baby as "a baby" or "a child," exactly. I see her as the person she will be some day, that she will grow into, who I get to nurture intensely for many years, then less so as she becomes independent. I cannot make her immune to the world, but I can teach her strength and awareness. And really, that's all I can do.

pcourtade · March 2014

DH and I were talking about this the other day. About when it's ok to "let the kids go". Say walk the bus stop by themselves or go down the street to play with other kids. It's terrifying. They can get grabbed in a second.

deedee830 · March 2014

I remember having to deal with the little girl across the street disappearing and later being found. I won't go into the details, I don't want to go into the details, but she didn't survive her terrible ordeal. I was 18.

I also remember turning to my dad and saying it was enough to make me not want to bring children into this world.

@wtfisup, thank you for writing what you did. You're right, all we can do is prepare them for this world and be there for them when they need it.

@mrscase1, I hope they find the fucker.

Want a personalized experience?

i hate people.

Re: i hate people.

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

Choose Another Board

Search Boards