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Stress Around Babies

luckydoggluckydogg member
in Special Needs
Hello!  I received my DS1's (3 years old) when my youngest turned 3 months (now 10 months).  

My DS is HORRIBLE with the baby.  He is constantly hitting him, knocking him over and grinding his teeth around him (the only time he grinds teeth is when he is around the baby).  I feel like my whole day (when my DS1 is not in preschool) is spent keeping everyone safe.  I think he likes the baby because if I am downstairs with the baby and he is upstairs he'll yell 'Liam upstairs and play' and want me to bring the baby upstairs to play with him.  At the same time, he makes up little songs like 'I push him over and then he cries'.  

Here is what I have tried in this order:
1- teaching him the appropriate way to touch babies - soft hands, blah, blah, blah with social stories, using dolls, various books.  Not effective.
2- trying to discipline him when he hits the baby- Much less effective.
3- Currently, I am trying to praise him when he is playing nice with the baby (these moments are few and far between) and when he is being rough with him I remove the baby from the situation.  - Doesn't seem to be effective and I notice he is saying things to himself when I ignore it like - 'Don't touch him', 'Quit it', etc.  I've never said these things to him, I am guessing the grandparents have when they babysit once a week. It seems like discipline is reinforcing since he is saying these things to himself?

Services here are few and far between.  He is just getting speech and preschool right now.  We've been on the wait list for ABA for 6 months now.  I did just get off the waitlist for OT and we have an evaluation on Monday.  I do think he has some issues with proprioception because he does roll around on the ground at times and is very 'touchy' with people, but I don't think that will solve the baby problem.

Any suggestions on what to try or how to make him more comfortable around babies?  He exhibits the same behavior around other babies in play group.
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Re: Stress Around Babies

  • luckydoggluckydogg member
    That should say I received his diagnosis when the baby was 3 months old.  He was 2 years, 8 months at the time.
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  • luckydoggluckydogg member
    Yes, ASD.  

    Would the teeth grinding still be sensory seeking if it only happens around babies?  I try to spend time with him frequently hen it is just him and I and the teeth grinding does not happen.  If my parents watch him without the baby- no teeth grinding, if they are watching both boys- teeth grinding.  He is really a completely different kid with the baby around.

    I have tried to track the antecedent to his behavior- but it is completely random.  

    And the grandparents- oyyy.  I don't even know what to do there- they are in complete denial about his diagnosis.  They get upset if I bring it up and tell me I am 'going about helping him all the wrong ways' and 'need to be more strict with him'.  I don't really have anyone else to help out with watching him, I would love to have a special needs babysitter but it just isn't in the budget with all of his therapies being paid out of pocket and I do have appts every now and then
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  • Assembly_ReqdAssembly_Reqd member
    Have you tried focusing on the victim? "oh baby brother, big brother hit you. i know that hurts" completely ignore him (in a safe way for baby brother)
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  • luckydoggluckydogg member
    Thank you, I am still very new to this.  I'll keep working through the appropriate way to interact with the baby.  I did speak with my speech therapist about it and she wants to try to incorporate the baby into a few sessions as well.

    Re- Grandparents. They have been around with the developmental pedi, they acted like they understood around him then a week later it was back to 'he only acts that way around you', etc.  I am not going to convince them and it really just isn't worth the hassle- they aren't going to change and my DS really enjoys being around them!
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