Shit my kid says/does (s/o spirited kids)

RedZee · March 2014

In the "spirit" of the spirited children thread, let's hear some of the crap the older kids pull.

This is from last night:

My 3 year old uses pee as a weapon. Whenever she's angry at us (if we do something offensive like make lunch, fold laundry, etc.) she pees on the floor. Yesterday she peed on the carpet while looking at me with a giant smile on her face. At the end of my rope, I told her that she must be a puppy because big girls don't do that. I made her clean it up and then told her to pick up the towel.

DD1: No! You do it!
Me: I'm not doing it, I didn't pee on the floor. Pick up the towel little puppy.
DD1: I can't. Dogs can't pick things up.

Arod1087 · March 2014

Did you tell her dogs can pick things up..with their mouths? Jk Jk

RedZee · March 2014

Arod1087 said:

Did you tell her dogs can pick things up..with their mouths? Jk Jk

Not gonna lie, I was tempted to. DH said, "I don't think this a potty training approach anyone recommends." It's annoying because she doesn't have accidents at school or anything, it's just being a jerk.

[Deleted User] · March 2014

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RedZee · March 2014

cdhaslag said:

@RedZee‌ my niece went through a stage of peeing her pants on purpose just because she looooooved to change outfits and my sister told her she couldn't change clothes 25 times a day. She would even go so far as to go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet and pee in her pants. Luckily this "phase" didn't last for too long. #shesadiva

Yeah, we have that issue too. The first day of potty training she didn't like the underwear I put her in and I told her we'd change them later or something so she peed in them right then and there. Now I just let her choose whatever insane combination she wants. I suggested she wear a blue headband to match her blue shirt and she said it looks better to wear lots of different colors. #hernicknameindaycarewasdivagirl

germanpickle · March 2014

My little boy (2.5 years old) is being raised bilingual English/German. Since we live in Germany, his german is better. So recently we've been telling him he needs to "speak English" to mommy. Okay, so, earlier today:

him: ich mag ein brötchen.

me: in English, please.

him (hand on hip, head titled and I swear his eyes almost rolled): mommy. I no speak english. I want a brötchen now. PUH-LEASE.

Almost died.

JLW0504 · March 2014

My 5 year old was instructed to clean his room so he gets a paper and writes "room closed" and stands outside his room. His mom asked him, again, to clean his room and he said "Moooooom, it says it's closed. I can't go in if it's closed. DUH!"

pandaglitter · March 2014

My six year old and I went on a walk and it was raining.

Her: "My feet are getting wet!"
Me: "Next time don't wear flats when it's raining, sweetie. Wear your boots." (She refused this advice beforehand).
Her: "I didn't know it was going to rain! I'm not a weatherman!!"

Her latest thing is complaining that it's not fair that she doesn't get to do whatever she wants, but adults can. I keep telling her to get a job and money and a car and her own place and she can do whatever she wants.

badsquash · March 2014

Yesterday I let DD1 know that I would be in the bathroom for a minute. She replies "ok, let me know if you need me"

danandkam · March 2014

Last Friday we went on a trip with my family to watch our high school basketball team play in the state tournament. While there, our 2 1/2 year old DD1, who we are currently trying to potty train, told the people sitting in front of us that she had to go to that bathroom. She then proceeded to tell them that her poop comes out her butthole. My mom just about lost it. The people were real cool about it and told her she was exactly right.

pandaglitter · March 2014

I forgot the best stories of late. She doesn't like school because she can't do whatever she wants, so her solutions are that she either go to school Friday-Monday (aka Friday and Monday. She's super sneaky) or all the other kids go to a different school so they don't annoy her. I'm so blessed she has an amazing teacher who does a lot to make the experience as pleasant as possible.

St Patricks day really annoyed her because she couldn't decide what color everyone wore. She would rather they wear orange. She's very disappointed she can't control the world.

MrsMommyQ · March 2014

yesterday i went out with my mom for a while and when I got back DD said "Good to see you again, Mommy!"

Hilarious coming from such a little person

SuperSecretStatus · March 2014

Gia has turned into a demon child.

1. She was messing up my room, and when I asked what she was doing and why she said she was ruining my room because she wanted it ruined like hers. When I asked her to stop she said she wanted to go live with messy strangers.

2. I kicked her out of my room this morning for whining & being loud. Before she left she asked me why I'm so grumpy with her.

3. She has been super defiant lately so I asked her last night what was going on she said "I don't know what to tell you." When I told her to just tell the truth she said, "I just feel like misbehaving."

jkuns7ty · March 2014

DS (3) never smeared poop during naptime, but did undress and take off his diaper and roll his car and several other toys through poop as I rushed around thinking he was just playing. (We were late for an appointment. You can imagine how that delayed us a whole lot more!) He now absolutely refuses to toilet train and could not care less about sitting in his own poop.

He has also started the deceptive phase. Blaming the cat, his sister, and even went so far as to switch my empty oatmeal bowl with his full one after being told he couldn't have anything else until he ate his oatmeal. Had to suppress the laughter during that one. He is a clever little sneak.

allisonty11 · March 2014

DD1 (2 years) likes to say "I got it under control, mom" and she also told me I'm a bad singer. But then she says I'm her best friend and she loves me so much. 2 y.o's are the best and worst!

Lesley0228 · March 2014

SuperSecretStatus said:

Gia has turned into a demon child. 1. She was messing up my room, and when I asked what she was doing and why she said she was ruining my room because she wanted it ruined like hers. When I asked her to stop she said she wanted to go live with messy strangers. 2. I kicked her out of my room this morning for whining & being loud. Before she left she asked me why I'm so grumpy with her. 3. She has been super defiant lately so I asked her last night what was going on she said "I don't know what to tell you." When I told her to just tell the truth she said, "I just feel like misbehaving."

Isn't 4 wretched? I kept thinking after 3 yo it would have to get better, but nope, just different. DD is as emotional, opinionated and moody as a 14 yo girl. She takes pleasure in doing whatever you tell her not to do and is endlessly frustrated and having fits because she can't control the world. She's exhausting. BTW @SuperSecretStatus your girls are absolutely gorgeous.

findingnemommy · March 2014

I'm terrified... And rethinking the whole sibling age gap thing @-)

norbert5 · March 2014

DD2 and I were at Target and she was hiding in the clothing racks. I was getting irritated because we were on a pretty strict timeline I turned on the mommy voice so she came running then she put her hands and cowered and said "Mommy please don't hurt me."

DD1 has some great one liners "you just don't understand me" "that's not a good choice mommy" "I never sleep, I never get tired"

Painterlady · March 2014

My 11 year old told me this morning very matter-of-factly "You're right mom, your boobs ARE flat." Thanks buddy.

germanpickle · March 2014

pandaglitter said:

I forgot the best stories of late. She doesn't like school because she can't do whatever she wants, so her solutions are that she either go to school Friday-Monday (aka Friday and Monday. She's super sneaky) or all the other kids go to a different school so they don't annoy her. I'm so blessed she has an amazing teacher who does a lot to make the experience as pleasant as possible. St Patricks day really annoyed her because she couldn't decide what color everyone wore. She would rather they wear orange. She's very disappointed she can't control the world.

How extremely ironic!

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