Judgment Thursday?

cecilyandgautam · March 2014

We haven't had one in awhile and I could use a distraction. Any one want to join? General vents also welcome.

FemShep · March 2014

I'm judging pretty much all of 1st Trimester. FFS, how hard is it to get a reputable book on pregnancy from your local library and read it?

I'm judging the neighbor who sat her 3yo on her lap to drive down the street. It was only a few thousand feet, but I was appalled. What if she'd had to stop suddenly? Even worse, if her kid is anything like mine, he will now want to ride in the front all the time. Not cool, lady.

I'm judging myself for lots of reasons. DH is away and I've been a total slob, haven't eaten well, etc. I bought new work clothes after receiving a verbal, but not written, offer. (Going from a very casual environment to a "business casual" company. But hey, yay offer! And there was a 40% off sale!)

Virgo17 · March 2014

I judge my coworker. She is a mother of 6 and her husband is a SAHD. From the stories she tells me, he is lazy, unorganized, and basically keeps the kids alive while she is at work. Her house and life both sound like a disaster. Part of me feels sorry for her, but part of me blames her for enabling him and not setting any expectations.

mlee116 · March 2014

I'm judging my coworker. I was given some her responsibilities so I had to look at her work from previous months and it looks like total shit. I can't believe this is what she would turn into our boss or that our boss would accept it. Misspelled words, things not formatted correctly, and some of it was just plain wrong or incomplete. It took me forever to figure out what the hell I was even looking at.

Also judging my mom. She invited me to go shopping this weekend and although I'd love to, I told her it just wasn't in the budget because we just paid a big medical bill for DS. Then she said I was cheap and could just charge it on a credit card or use my savings. Um, NO. You should be proud that I'm trying to be fiscally responsible.

cecilyandgautam · March 2014

So if you've been following my other saga further down the page, you may have seen my attempt to summarize a popular parenting philosophy in my town. I call it the "gold fish theory" - you've only got 5 seconds to respond to an incident of bad behavior before you've lost your teachable moment. Here is a post from my local board with a lot of the responses echoing the sentiment that if your kid acts up at school, there's not much you can do about it after the fact: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/371194.page

I'm definitely judging the goldfish theory (though not the mom in this particular instance since clearly she's trying to deal with it).

dashofreality · March 2014

I'm judging myself. I haven't been around people enough lately to judge anyone else:/

I'm in a funk, exhausted for no reason, and I'm letting things slip at work and at home. I have let 2 things slip at work that I totally just forgot about, that never happens to me. I think I'm going to try and go for a run at lunch and see if that helps get my butt in gear.

mae0111 · March 2014

I'm judging the guy on the train who will absolutely not move over in his 2 person seat to make room on a crowded train. And if you ask him if you can sit down, he harumphs and rolls his eyes. Every day. During rush hour.

Dude, if you want your own private place to hang during your commute, DRIVE YOUR CAR. Now move the f over so I can sit.

Also judging the guy that stood so close to me on the train platform that I could feel him breathing on me. It's an outdoor platform. Plenty of room. He just wanted to stand exactly where I was standing, I guess.

Hmmm... perhaps I'm the one that needs to commute alone in my car...

Judging myself a bit... DH and I went to a financial advisor for the first time earlier this week. We reviewed life insurance, and as I suspected, DH is woefully underinsured. If he passes away, I would barely have enough to cover the mortgage. But we are waiting until the end of the year, after he's officially been off cigarettes for a full year, so that the premiums will drop. Because I'm too cheap. So definitely rolling the dice here...

jf198400 · March 2014

mae0111 said:
I'm judging the guy on the train who will absolutely not move over in his 2 person seat to make room on a crowded train. And if you ask him if you can sit down, he harumphs and rolls his eyes. Every day. During rush hour.

Dude, if you want your own private place to hang during your commute, DRIVE YOUR CAR. Now move the f over so I can sit.

Also judging the guy that stood so close to me on the train platform that I could feel him breathing on me. It's an outdoor platform. Plenty of room. He just wanted to stand exactly where I was standing, I guess.

Hmmm... perhaps I'm the one that needs to commute alone in my car...

Judging myself a bit... DH and I went to a financial advisor for the first time earlier this week. We reviewed life insurance, and as I suspected, DH is woefully underinsured. If he passes away, I would barely have enough to cover the mortgage. But we are waiting until the end of the year, after he's officially been off cigarettes for a full year, so that the premiums will drop. Because I'm too cheap. So definitely rolling the dice here...

Any way you can increase his life insurance through either his or your work?
Our problem with life insurance is that DH is overweight. Young and healthy nonsmoker but overweight.

mae0111 · March 2014

jf198400 said:

Judging myself a bit... DH and I went to a financial advisor for the first time earlier this week. We reviewed life insurance, and as I suspected, DH is woefully underinsured. If he passes away, I would barely have enough to cover the mortgage. But we are waiting until the end of the year, after he's officially been off cigarettes for a full year, so that the premiums will drop. Because I'm too cheap. So definitely rolling the dice here...
Any way you can increase his life insurance through either his or your work? Our problem with life insurance is that DH is overweight. Young and healthy nonsmoker but overweight.

We maxed out both of our coverages at work. His max through work is really low - like about a third of my max. I took out supplemental for him as well, but it's negligible.

ccam · March 2014

I judge my co-worker who returned from ML at the same time I did (about a year ago) and since then has taken AT LEAST 4 vacations. Oh and she came back as part time instead of full time.

By judging I mean jealous...

jf198400 · March 2014

@LibraryChica‌ we also haven't done our will yet. This year DHs company offered an optional legal plan that's really cheap and includes services like wills and trusts etc. so we are definitely going to do it soon.

jf198400 · March 2014

kdc2007 said:

LibraryChica said:

mae0111 said:
On a similar vein, I judge myself for STILL not getting us to a lawyer and making a will.

we are working on getting ours done right now. it's such a process to gather all the info....oh and to pick guardians.....

What kind of info do you have to gather?

itsmevkb · March 2014

I'm judging my life-long best friend who sent a gift to my cousin, whom he only knows through me and only has spent time with when attending my family events, because her dog died, but when I went through my two miscarriages he sent nothing, not even a card.

NextChapter24 · March 2014

I am judging the shower invite I got in the mail this week that specifically requested we not bring gifts but instead bring gift cards.....why even have a shower?? I kinda can't wrap my head around it. I thought the point was to SHOWER the bride-to-be with gifts/presents for her new home/life. Not money for her to go shopping with.

I judged hard. And debated skipping.

NextChapter24 · March 2014

@privacywanted- ya, that's my question. So what's the plan here? Are we just gonna sit around for three hours and watch her open the cards? Showers are boring as hell anyway but not having gifts and bridal bingo as a buffer!?!

I have joked about finding the largest gift I can find and bringing it!

jlaOK · March 2014

mae0111 said:

I'm judging the guy on the train who will absolutely not move over in his 2 person seat to make room on a crowded train. And if you ask him if you can sit down, he harumphs and rolls his eyes. Every day. During rush hour.

Dude, if you want your own private place to hang during your commute, DRIVE YOUR CAR. Now move the f over so I can sit.

Also judging the guy that stood so close to me on the train platform that I could feel him breathing on me. It's an outdoor platform. Plenty of room. He just wanted to stand exactly where I was standing, I guess.

Hmmm... perhaps I'm the one that needs to commute alone in my car...

Judging myself a bit... DH and I went to a financial advisor for the first time earlier this week. We reviewed life insurance, and as I suspected, DH is woefully underinsured. If he passes away, I would barely have enough to cover the mortgage. But we are waiting until the end of the year, after he's officially been off cigarettes for a full year, so that the premiums will drop. Because I'm too cheap. So definitely rolling the dice here...

We did the same thing with DH but it's been almost 3 years and he still hasn't done it. He says he feels "guilty" because he still has the occasional cigar. I keep telling him that he needs to feel guilty if he dies unexpectedly and leave me w/o enough to care for the kids.

Sorry for the vent...

jlaOK · March 2014

I judge my FB friend who posted a picture of her daughter (who will be 4 in July) in a backless booster. There is no way she is of the weight/height to be protected in an accident.

jf198400 · March 2014

Not a judgment just a vent- I'm trying to find new living room curtains but I'm extremely picky. I finally saw a pair that was perfect but they were sold out of the color I want.
I judge myself for spending way too much time on shopping debates and being too indecisive.

mae0111 · March 2014

This will likely be wildly unpopular, but I am constantly judging a number of my SAHM friends. They have all been open with me about their financial situations, and none of them are in good shape. They're not even in OK shape. I would never even consider quitting my job if I were in their situations.

They've all got reasons for SAH - one said she'd clear $100 after daycare... but she was sending her kids to THE MOST expensive center in our HCOL area. It would have been cheaper to get a nanny and enroll the kids in a ton of activities.

Another friend said she couldn't afford daycare for one kid on her salary, as an attorney. The former-attorney has also told me that when her DH retires from his state job, they're going to use his pension to fund private school (k-12) for their kids. This made me go :-O . There's no family money there - no inheritance. She worked FT as an attorney for 13 months before deciding to SAH - not like she saved a ton. Before that, she was working as a cashier at Walmart while she slowly worked her way through law school.

There are others that make me even more twitchy. I know I shouldn't care - if they don't, why should I? But I just get so worried for them...

jesuisfatiguee · March 2014

K3am said:

We had a family member pass away without having a will. It really created a huge burden when it came to who would get guardianship of his son. The woman he dated was not the mother of his son, but because there was no will, she had no legal claim to him. The mother of his son is an addict and can't have him, and eventually, the girlfriend gave up trying to get him. He's bounced from one aunt's house to another. After almost 5 years, the mother has finally relinquished parental rights (well, the court helped with that since she couldn't pass a drug test), and he's been in my sister's house for almost 2 years now.. But it was a LOT of heartache that could have possibly been avoided if there had been a will outlining guardianship.

That being said... we need a will. *smh*

This is so sad and so scary. I really need to make a will, too, being a single mom with no family and the father not involved. I have actually been thinking about that a lot this week.

ebp913 · March 2014

mae0111 said:

This will likely be wildly unpopular, but I am constantly judging a number of my SAHM friends. They have all been open with me about their financial situations, and none of them are in good shape. They're not even in OK shape. I would never even consider quitting my job if I were in their situations.

They've all got reasons for SAH - one said she'd clear $100 after daycare... but she was sending her kids to THE MOST expensive center in our HCOL area. It would have been cheaper to get a nanny and enroll the kids in a ton of activities.

Another friend said she couldn't afford daycare for one kid on her salary, as an attorney. The former-attorney has also told me that when her DH retires from his state job, they're going to use his pension to fund private school (k-12) for their kids. This made me go :-O . There's no family money there - no inheritance. She worked FT as an attorney for 13 months before deciding to SAH - not like she saved a ton. Before that, she was working as a cashier at Walmart while she slowly worked her way through law school.

There are others that make me even more twitchy. I know I shouldn't care - if they don't, why should I? But I just get so worried for them...

Yea I get where you are coming from. I have friends in similar situations. I just don't get the mentality that they often carry which is that because they birthed a child, they deserve and must stay home with their kids.

I'm the only one my circle who works FT and everyone is asking me when I'm quitting since #3 is coming. I'M NOT QUITTING. So sick of that. Why does everyone think that I'm quitting or even want to quit my job? I'm an adult and I do what is best for my family.

banks81 · March 2014

I judge people who feel the need to post something practically every day on Facebook about being pregnant. I understand (and like) the original announcement and the occasional question or status update referring to the future baby, but I do not want to see it multiple times a week. I am currently pregnant and have specifically only posted twice about the pregnancy/baby. While I am very excited, my entire life doesn't revolve around it! And I want to be sensitive to others who may be having a hard time - I know what that's like.

bennyandthejets13 · March 2014

I have one today if it's ok to participate. I hate when my friends on FB take special causes and then get all high mighty towards others. One girl from high school, who was always the hot skinny mean girl, gained a ton of weight and recently got engaged and now is on this crusade to be that girl again. I commend her for getting healthy and losing the weight but her self righteous attitude is obnoxious. This girl started 2 weeks ago and is down 7lbs, yes she posted her stats, and had the nerve to say this healthy eating and losing weight is easy and if no one else is doing it is because we don't care or are couch potatoes! Oh please get off your high horse!

laurakaz13 · March 2014

ccam said:

I judge my co-worker who returned from ML at the same time I did (about a year ago) and since then has taken AT LEAST 4 vacations. Oh and she came back as part time instead of full time.

By judging I mean jealous...

I was going to say, "Uh oh, am I your coworker?" We take tons of vacations and did take at least 4 in the first year of DD's life!

ccam · March 2014

@laurakaz13 Then that makes 2 people that I'm jealous of

ebp913 · March 2014

laurakaz13 said:

ccam said:

I judge my co-worker who returned from ML at the same time I did (about a year ago) and since then has taken AT LEAST 4 vacations. Oh and she came back as part time instead of full time.

By judging I mean jealous...

I was going to say, "Uh oh, am I your coworker?" We take tons of vacations and did take at least 4 in the first year of DD's life!

Me too. I have the PTO.

mae0111 · March 2014

After ML, I returned to work part time for a month. 2 weeks at 3 days a week, 2 weeks at 4 days a week, and then full time... I did it because I worked for my entire leave - at least 10-15 hours a week.

After 2 weeks at full time, I went away for a week. I'd planned to work during my vacation, but by then, I'd had it. So I didn't.

I didn't use all of my vacation last year, and we can't roll it over. I lost 8 days, I think.

dglvrk2 · March 2014

@ebp913 - I get this too. ("You mean you're not quitting??") I had DD#2 (second and last child) in January. I'm a teacher. I had her in the middle of the school year. People, especially some parents were *shocked* that I would return to work this year. Others told me that when I'd see the costs of daycare for two kids, that I'd reconsider working, as if they know my financial situation including my paycheck and what I pay for daycare.

DH, who is a bit burned out at work, went part time in February. He could use some time to himself, but also really wants to spend time with our girls. He has them on Fridays. It's going great so far. (It's also cutting down on daycare costs just a little.) However, as much as some people expected me to scale back on work with having two kids, they seem surprised that he's taking on more parenting and fewer work responsibilities. Fricken double standard!!!!! Grrrrr....

mommaoftrips · March 2014

I had to come in and say - I am judging the people on the treadmill beside me at the gym who do one of two things: 1) hold onto the handles and essentially 'pull" themselves along, not helping you. If you have to hold on because you can't keep that pace. Slow it down. 2) when they try to run at the same pace as I am but only do it for 2 mins. Thanks for letting me vent. Lol

laurakaz13 · March 2014

ebp913 said:

laurakaz13 said:

ccam said:

I judge my co-worker who returned from ML at the same time I did (about a year ago) and since then has taken AT LEAST 4 vacations. Oh and she came back as part time instead of full time.

By judging I mean jealous...

I was going to say, "Uh oh, am I your coworker?" We take tons of vacations and did take at least 4 in the first year of DD's life!

Me too. I have the PTO.

Yes, I get 30 days of leave each year. It's awesome! For my maternity leave, I got the standard 6 weeks, plus 8 more weeks of leave I had saved.

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