Anyone regretting finding out sex?

Jayers10 · March 2014

I have wanted to find out the sex of our baby from the beginning, and my husband wanted to be surprised. It was a decision we wanted to make together and he ultimately agreed to find out because he thought it seemed more important to me. This is our first.

We found out last week and we are team pink! I am definitely excited and in no way disappointed about having a girl, but I can't shake the feeling that I wish I didn't know. I don't think I realized how fun it was to have that part of it be an exciting mystery that we wouldn't find out until the birth. Now I'm seriously bumming out that I "ruined" the surprise for both of us. It's putting a damper on things to the point that we haven't even told anyone else that we know. I feel like a big jerk.

Anyone else react differently than you thought you would? Did you change your mind later?

acciovino · March 2014

I sort of felt that way last time, but just seeing your baby at delivery is so much of a surprise in itself that I'm sure you will forget you were ever regretful.

redhotmama7 · March 2014

We found out and I'm so glad we did! Much less stressful to me to know whom I'm planning for

ksuRN09 · March 2014

It's stressing me out more than I thought it would but only because everyone swears that it's still a boy even though 2 ultrasounds have said it's a girl. We were certain we were having a boy so hearing it was a girl was a huge surprise. But now, we're super excited about having a girl and we've bought way too many clothes already and have the nursery almost done.

I just keep wondering "what if everyone's right and it turns out to be a boy?" If everyone else would just hush and stop with their stories about how someone they knew was told girl and had a boy, I would be ok. I don't even know why I get myself so worked up over it! It's not a big deal but for whatever reason, I'm stressing about it.

I don't think you ruined the surprise. You just got your surprise earlier! The birth is still going to be special because she's going to be all yours and it's the beginning of a new chapter. You can't take back knowing so go out, buy some cute baby clothes, and enjoy this time!

jessicalynnmontes · March 2014

I guess I have a similar feeling... we had the panorama test and found out super early that it was a boy... I felt like I cheated. I know the anatomy scan is supposed to be so exciting, but it just seemed like another ultrasound since we already knew it was a boy!

Obviously we had to do the panorama test for bigger reasons than just the sex- but wish I would have told them I didn't want to know when they asked, but I got too excited!

I think our next one will for sure be a surprise.

TallMomma29 · March 2014

I love knowing! We would have been happy either way, but it helps the baby feel more real to me (and not just like some crazy alien wiggling around in my stomach) now that I know her sex and her name! For me it personally would just feel like I was wondering about something for months that didn't need to be wondered about. The baby is either a boy or a girl from the moment it is conceived... why wait 9 months to find out the answer?! But I understand everyone is different in what they like to keep as a surprise!

There still is tons of mystery though! What will she look like? What color will her hair/eyes be? Who will she favor? What kinds of facial expressions will she make? What will her temperament be like? How big will she be when she is born? How cute will her little hands and feet be?! Maybe it would help if you focus on wondering about those little mysteries :-)

Jayers10 · March 2014

Thanks guys! I think maybe I'm letting my guilt about potentially pushing H into it overshadow how I really feel. It is pretty cool being able to think about this little wiggler as my daughter

AKB090609 · March 2014

Nope! I guess the way I look at it is that until I know the sex I am imagining two little people joining our family, but ultimately we are only going to get one of them. Once I find out I have a time to be sad about the one we don't get and then really build up my excitement for the baby we are having.

DH and I also have a really difficult time with girls names, but had a boy name picked. So when I found out that we were having a girl I had to put our boy name aside and begin the task that it is for us to find a girl name.

jcartz · March 2014

We both wanted to find out with DD1, and never regretted it. This time, I didn't want to find out and DH did. I "gave in" I guess, and we found out. I am SO excited to know, and don't regret it at all - even though I was the one who wanted to stay team green. To me, it's still a surprise, and I feel like I can bond a bit more by calling her HER instead of it from here on out. So no regrets here, but I do understand what you're saying!

Pinksundrops · March 2014

A little bit of me regrets finding out only because I've had to deal with so many people being "disappointed" for us that we're having a girl - when I really just want to slap them for not being happy it's a healthy baby, boy OR girl. I guess better to hear and deal with it now than after the baby comes I guess although part of me thinks people wouldn't be that horribly stupid and rude after the baby came. I do love knowing we have a wiggly baby boy in there though!!!

noragerman86 · March 2014

ksuRN09 said:
It's stressing me out more than I thought it would but only because everyone swears that it's still a boy even though 2 ultrasounds have said it's a girl. We were certain we were having a boy so hearing it was a girl was a huge surprise. But now, we're super excited about having a girl and we've bought way too many clothes already and have the nursery almost done.

I just keep wondering "what if everyone's right and it turns out to be a boy?" If everyone else would just hush and stop with their stories about how someone they knew was told girl and had a boy, I would be ok. I don't even know why I get myself so worked up over it! It's not a big deal but for whatever reason, I'm stressing about it.

I don't think you ruined the surprise. You just got your surprise earlier! The birth is still going to be special because she's going to be all yours and it's the beginning of a new chapter. You can't take back knowing so go out, buy some cute baby clothes, and enjoy this time!

I feel the same way!!! Not for the same reasons. I really wanted and girl and everyone told me I'd have a girl and we went at the beginning of my 20th week and they said it a a girl. I was so happy and we already have pink nursery and clothes but I'm paranoid what If they missed something or the boy parts were hiding. The ultrasound is pretty clear but it's my first so I don't know what others look like unless it's super obviously a boy. My husband is getting so annoyed because he saw the ultrasound monitor (my view was on a tv screen on the wall I front of me which wasn't as clear) and he swears they did a front to back swoop of the area and it's a girl. Hard not to be paranoid when reading stories online about ultrasounds stating it's one gender then it comes out the opposite. Maybe I'll feel better when I get another ultrasound. Wonder how accurate 20 week ultrasounds are???

iris427 · March 2014

AKB090609 said:

Nope! I guess the way I look at it is that until I know the sex I am imagining two little people joining our family, but ultimately we are only going to get one of them. Once I find out I have a time to be sad about the one we don't get and then really build up my excitement for the baby we are having.

DH and I also have a really difficult time with girls names, but had a boy name picked. So when I found out that we were having a girl I had to put our boy name aside and begin the task that it is for us to find a girl name.

This is how it is for me too. I have done it both ways and I preferred finding out. The delivery room surprise "It's a ___!" moment wasn't that great because I was so distracted by everything else that was going on.

And we're the opposite of you with names--we had a girl name picked and have a really hard time with boy names. So of course, we're having a boy!

SuperTinkerham · March 2014

I regret telling people.

EllaSmella · March 2014

We didn't find out with my son - it was a surprise in the delivery room.This time around, I really wanted to find out but my husband didn't.He ended up deciding that he was OK with finding out, but I'm sure it was mostly for my benefit. I don't regret it, but I can definitely understand how it reduces the suspense in the delivery room. That being said, I do feel like I've been able to bond with this baby more knowing the sex, and being able to visualize the baby, talk about specific names etc, so in that sense I am glad we found out.

Jbosarge85 · March 2014

After this LO we will have one of each. So our next one is going to be a surprise.

livkight · March 2014

I'm even more glad that I did find out because now I feel like I can connect with my baby more. I can call her "her" instead of "it"! And it's fun to start imagining having a daughter in our lives.

twister22 · March 2014

We found out with the first and I in no way regret it. When I was a FTM I wanted to have everything planned out, and I liked being able to buy gender-specific outfits and bedding. The second time I wanted to be surprised and DH didn't, and I agreed to find out and was glad I did (I was bummed with the gender at first, and think it would have been worse to be bummed for a bit while pregnant vs. bummed for a bit while holding your newborn if ykwim.)

Now we have one of each so I definitely didn't want to find out this time. DH really wanted to so we did. I wish we didn't, but I'm not mad or super upset or anything. We're pretty sure this one's our last, so I'm bummed that we never did a surprise, but it's really NBD.

JayBzo · March 2014

I have had similar feelings about other things in life, so to me this would just mean the big surprise is over and now the only one left is the actual delivery if that makes sense. You build up all that anticipation and then when it's over that's that...

That being said I do not regret it - I feel like I can bond better and honestly I was convinced it was a girl so I think it would have been hard for me to find out at the end - I feel better prepared and coming to terms with my little boy. I am still mourning bows and bikinis a bit, but so happy about my LO!

flyerschick436 · March 2014

I'm a FTM and neither one of us wanted to find out. I'm really enjoying not knowing but at the same time it would be nice to be able to buy all boy or girl clothes. Next time I might want to find out, but we'll see how we both feel by then :-)

brooklynesque · March 2014

Like JayBzo, I had a feeling it was the other/wrong sex so I'm glad we found out early so I've had the opportunity to change my mental picture well before the birth. Being able to buy some cute outfits makes everything feel more real as well.

BP607 · March 2014

I don't regret finding out and this is my 2nd. It will be another boy! It's nice to know we are pretty much set as these ones are only 2 years apart. As others said, once you see your baby you will just be so consumed with her you will forget feeling this way and I can see where a PP is coming from not being able to really absorb the surprise at delivery because there is SO much going on! Honestly, I think you have more time to enjoy and really soak in whichever it is leading up to the birth than finding out the day of delivery, but to each their own!!

Cristy1020 · March 2014

I was the kid that put tears in my Christmas presents because the anticipation would drive me
Nuts. So no I regret nothing. DH on the other hand wanted it to be a surprise but he agreed that it's better we know that way we are prepared with all the pink girly frilly foo foo stuff.

*LrCg* · March 2014

This is our 4th and we've never found out. DH wanted to find out this time because this baby will most likely be our last and he wanted to do something different. So at the A/S ultrasound we had the results sealed and I'm in possession of them in case we wanted to find out later since this is the only ultrasound we do in the pregnancy. After our appointment, my DH is back on the not finding out anymore. However, our intention is if we did/do decide to find out, it will be kept between us. So maybe that would help you with your regret- just keep it to ourselves so you can surprise everyone!

TurtleMonsters · March 2014

No, but I kind of hoped I'd be forced not to know since I don't have it in me to request it. We have a lot of unknowns in life with my son's medical heathy and medical tests etc. so having one more was just not psychologically wise. Plus I feel like I had trouble bonding last time, and finding a name so this has helped knowing. I AM glad I found out at the AS, though, that was neat, as opposed to through blood testing earlier on. It allows for some excitement before the actual delievery which will be exciting enough as it is:).

hcsmiley417 · March 2014

Nope! No regrets! We were told that kids would never be in our future although we had some bad times finding out everything was ok with baby and then finding out it was a DD was awesome. Followed by bad times and 2 more DDs. We wanted to know so we could personalize and make everything super special. After 3 DDs we were done and used all per cautions. However when I ended up in the hospital for a heart problem and found out we were pregnant with #4 we knew it was our last. At first we wanted to be surprised but then this baby wouldn't have an extra special nursery. We assumed it was DD4 as we were told that my body hormonal cannot take a boy (medical reasons behind it) but no! Against All Odds we have a DS! He is so special and so loved. I love talking to him and feeling him kick when I read and sing to him. I feel it's helping me enjoy being pregnant more despite all the bad crap.

cuntasaurusrex · March 2014

*LrCg* said:

This is our 4th and we've never found out. DH wanted to find out this time because this baby will most likely be our last and he wanted to do something different. So at the A/S ultrasound we had the results sealed and I'm in possession of them in case we wanted to find out later since this is the only ultrasound we do in the pregnancy. After our appointment, my DH is back on the not finding out anymore. However, our intention is if we did/do decide to find out, it will be kept between us. So maybe that would help you with your regret- just keep it to ourselves so you can surprise everyone!

You both have some INCREDIBLY impressive self-restraint. I couldn't have those results anywhere near me.

*LrCg* · March 2014

aliletz said:

*LrCg* said:

This is our 4th and we've never found out. DH wanted to find out this time because this baby will most likely be our last and he wanted to do something different. So at the A/S ultrasound we had the results sealed and I'm in possession of them in case we wanted to find out later since this is the only ultrasound we do in the pregnancy. After our appointment, my DH is back on the not finding out anymore. However, our intention is if we did/do decide to find out, it will be kept between us. So maybe that would help you with your regret- just keep it to ourselves so you can surprise everyone!

You both have some INCREDIBLY impressive self-restraint. I couldn't have those results anywhere near me.

HAHA DH doesn't know where it's at and I think since now he's back on the not knowing fence he just never brings it up. I never wanted to know so its easy for me to not care about it. With 3 kids (the oldest being 4), I've gotten a lot of practice on patience! lol

ashcross · March 2014

I'm a FTM and found out. I certainly don't regret finding out but I always wanted to find out. I like being able to call him a "him" instead of "it." It makes me feel more connected with him. Nothing about finding out the sex will change how surprised I will be when I hold him in my arms for the first time in the delivery room.

slensic · March 2014

This is my second and we have found out both times. I am such a planner and so I don't regret finding out but I will say that both times I have had a let down after we found out. I think it's just mourning the loss of what could have been, if that makes sense. Before finding out you think about both as a possibilty even if you think you have a preference either way. Once you know you have to give up one of those fantasies you have been having.

abunai523 · March 2014

Nope! No regrets. I love calling him by his name and talking to DH about our SON and planning and so on, it makes it all much more real to me. I am mad at myself for spilling the beans on his name to some friends though for some reason.

Allison546 · March 2014

I'm glad we were Team Green the first time and found out this time. I'm finding it easier to bond with this LO knowing he's a boy, whereas with my first pregnancy it was all so surreal, it was hard for me to even wrap my head around having a baby in there period! And now I also have peace of mind that we already have boy clothes etc., getting used to the idea of 2 boys, excited for them to be brothers so close in age, etc etc. But, I'd never regret my Team Green experience either-- it was so much fun and was so amazing seeing my DH so happy in the delivery room as well as friends/family when we got to share the news.

BBColt78 · March 2014

We didn't find out with #1 and this time we both had different opinions, I even posted about it. I wanted to be Team Green again and dh really wanted to find out. So, I book an elective and surprise him. When we got there, he said he didn't want to know (fml!). So we had the ultrasound and had the tech write it down. On the way home we decided to rip the sucker open.

I always wondered if I'd regret finding out and funny enough, I can't believe I don't. Sure, it's a little different experience, but enjoy the fact that you can indulge in some specific clothing and focus on names. Really, you aren't missing out on too much.

Maybe you need to take your focus and put it somewhere else. I tend to get something on my mind and just obsess. Can you obsess about your stroller or something? That's what I do, but I also have a shopping problem.

Unknown · March 2014

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katnipeverclean · March 2014

We found out with DD and I certainly never regretted it. The pregnancy with her was anything but smooth sailing and so it wasn't like we didn't have other surprises.

Knowing that we would have a scheduled RCS with this one we wanted to be surprised at the birth, plus there's not much to plan for because we already have everything we need and if it's a boy my mom and MIL will go nuts buying little boy outfits.

In another perspective I think it's ludicrous to say that you can't bond as well with your baby just because you don't know the sex. I am just as bonded to this baby (if not moreso) than I was with DD.

If I were you I would just focus on all the exciting stuff you have coming up like a baby shower (if you are having one) and the unknown of when you will go into labor for real.

Soon2BMrsN · March 2014

We have found out all three times and I don't regret it at all! I cried happy tears at all 3 anatomy scans.

strmbreez · March 2014

I have regrets, although I love knowing that our baby is a little boy, and knowing what his name is before hand. But our families were just so upset about not getting a little girl that it's been a real problem for me since finding out. I mean, a few people actually cried tears of despair because we're having a son. Since then, I've been pretty bold about telling people to keep their opinions to themselves... I don't want my son to ever, EVER hear someone say they wish he was a girl. I already feel horrible on his behalf.

Dream123456778 · March 2014

This is a FET pregnancy post IVF with PGD. After our last failed transfer the nurse told me we still had one remaining told me the gender of the embryo. Considering that our paperwork included a line about NOT telling us the gender unless we asked I was really angry. That was about a year before this transfer actually took. I do wish it could have been a surprise, but it was taken out of our hands.

purpleXdandelion · March 2014

No regrets at all. It's still a surprise with birth stats, what he'll look like, etc. And we keep the name a secret so that's a surprise (for friends and family at least).

seells · March 2014

No regrets. Makes it easier knowing were having another girl because I know what to do with all of DDs old clothes! DHs cousin is expecting a little girl 2 weeks before us so if we were rockin a boy I would've been giving all the stuff to her. Plus I think DH needed some time to adjust to the idea that he's never going to have a son. He's excited for another little girl but he needed some time to let go.

I regret telling people though. Everybody wanted/expected a boy and my birth mom keeps saying "well it still could be a boy!" And it's really obnoxious. She has 4 other children, plenty of chances for more grandchildren and needs to back up and just be excited it's a healthy baby! She's also pushing her name as the "perfect" baby name. Ugh.

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