STM+ Alone at bath/bedtime?

Mrs.Salt&Pepper · March 2014

Man I really need some help here with my bath/bedtime routine. I feel like such a loser. Every single night it's rough. DD1 is almost 3, and DD2 is 8 weeks. DD1 goes down between 730/8 and DD2 goes down between 630/7. But I just feel like there is a period where both girls are just screaming at the top of their lungs and I can't please both of them. I feel so spread thin, and DD1 gets the shaft most nights, I feel bad. We get home about 5:30, I get my toddler some dinner then nurse the baby and after that I bathe the baby. If my toddler wants to do bath at that time, I let her, if she wants to play/watch a cartoon, I let her. She usually wants to get in the bath, because baby sister is doing it. It's chaos. Then, I get the baby out, but her diaper and jammies on, and lay her in the lamb chair while I get the other one out and clothed. By this time, the baby is pretty pissed, screaming, and ready for bed. I lay her in the RNP, with the paci and the toddler usually goes downstairs and plays. Then the fun begins. The baby pops the damn paci out and screams about 30 times, which has me running up and down stairs to re insert it. I'm over this. And I am alone cause DH works at night. It's sucky. Am I the only one who is sucking at this whole parent of 2 thing? It's hard!!!

CopperT0p · March 2014

DH has been away on a project for about a month. What I've done to ease my stress at night time with the kids is that DS1 showers/baths in the morning rather than at night. He is fine with a bedtime routine of teeth, book, bed. While we do this DS2 is in the swing, 50/50 on him screaming his head off but those 5 minutes I dedicate just to DS1. DS2 goes to bed after DS1 so it's a little different than your situation.

I'm not sure if that would work with your LOs, but it helps us.

Mrs.Salt&Pepper · March 2014

Thanks for your replies, ladies. I appreciate the support! I guess I just need to work on the routine and figure out what works best. @chapl0514 yes, the paci is killing me. DD1 didn't take one, so this is all new to me. I do stay with her a bit, but I feel bad leaving DD1 to play by herself. Maybe I can convince her to sit and wait with me and we can read some books together? The baby doesn't nurse right before bed, she just gets more fussy if I offer. DD1 used to nurse right before bed, so, again, this is different to me.

I will keep trying. I know it's all trial and error, but sheesh some days are just really hard!

mrsbeers · March 2014

FTM here so I can't offer much advice about the routine, but I do know that paci game very well... It's so frustrating, especially at bedtime!! But I've learned her tricks and how to get through it.

Have you ever read/watched The Happiest Baby on the Block? Or know the 5 s's? When baby's screaming like that, she needs some help getting calmed down again and her paci falling out just keeps pissing her off. What works for my dd is to first get her swaddled, then hold her close and "shush" right next to her ear while swaying with her a little bit. You want the shush to be louder than her cry. Then while I'm holding her, I'll give her the paci and keep shushing and swaying. It shouldn't take more than a couple minutes, but she will settle down and fall asleep. Maybe you could get big sister in her jammies and then have her help you by doing the shushing or doing the holding/swaying or holding in the paci if she's into helping out with her little sister?

Good luck mama! I hope things settle down for you real soon!

mrsbeers · March 2014

Oh, forgot to add:

Once I have dd falling asleep in my arms and she stops sucking on the paci for a minute, I'll take it out and see if she's ok without it. If she is I then lay her down and if she fusses again, I'll give it back to her for a minute but then she usually falls back asleep and I'll take it again so she doesn't wake up with it right at her lips and wailing because she can't get it back in.

And for any time if day, It also helps to do a little "reverse psychology" and try to tug it out of her mouth so she'll suck harder and not let it fall out as much.

TheBorg7of9 · March 2014

I have a 2 year old and 2 month old. I do not bathe DS2 unless someone else is there to watch DS1. I just nurse Ds2 then put him in the swing in the bathroom while I bathe DS1. Then keep him in the swing while I dress and lotion and read books for DS1. I might have to interupt the bedtime routine if baby needs to be held for a minute. Once DS1 is down, I work on getting DS 2 down.

If I were you, I would skip bath for baby and keep both kids geographically close while you work.

angiek1 · March 2014

I have a 2.5 yr old and a 8.5 week old. Here is what I do:

I give DD#2 her bath during the day and DD#1 get s a bath every other day at night.
When DD#1 is bathing DD#2 is in her swing, bouncer, or I wear her in a sling.

On nights where I am alone I tend to wear DD#2 if she is being fussy so I can play with DD#1 and get her ready for bed. Have you considered purchasing a baby wearing device? I have this one and love it. I know others on this board have different slings that they love; there was a post a while back about which ones people liked.

DD#1 gets one show a night and I save that for when I am feeding DD#2.

DD#2 uses a pacifier and DD#1 didn't. DD#2 likes to spit the pacifier out as well. Have you considered letting LO cry it out a bit, it might be good to let LO learn to self sooth. I did this with DD#2 and she is much better! The max I let DD#2 cry is 7 minutes. I go in after 3 minutes, pat her back and let her fall back asleep (in crib, I never get her back out of bed). Then if she cries again I let her go 5 minutes, and repeat the soothing process. Then if it happens again I go back in after 7 minutes. Rarely does she cry longer than 7 minutes. She usually settles back down after just a few minutes.

Good luck!

angiek1 · March 2014

esd said:

@angiek1‌ - just wanted to clarify- you let your 8.5 week old cry it out? I have nothing against sleep training but not at this age.

If she is fussing b/c of the paci yes I do. We let her go 7 minutes one day but that is not the norm. She will be going to daycare soon and I can guarantee there will be moments at school where she cries for a handful of minutes and I'd like her to have the ability to self sooth if a pacifier isn't available. I don't see anything wrong with letting an 8+ week old baby start learning to self sooth.

Now if a baby at this age is crying more than 10 minutes I think that is excessive; the day we did a 7 minute stretch was a bit much for me (haven't repeated that length), but I see nothing wrong with a 5 minute stretch.

If DD#2 doesn't calm within the first handful of seconds of a check then I'll pick her up and sooth her (usually she immediately calms) and I leave the room. If I have to go back into her room 3-4 times in a 15-20 minute period then I'll re-start the bed time process (changing, rocking, music tracks, etc).

This is just our going to bed process. If my LO wakes in the night I get up and feed her and tend to her needs. I don't let her cry it out through the night. She isn't ready for that.

Want a personalized experience?

STM+ Alone at bath/bedtime?

Re: STM+ Alone at bath/bedtime?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards