CO- Sleeping help

KKillian1029 · March 2014

Hello Ladies

I need to break my son from sleeping with me and my husband, he is getting so big and need to be on his own

I know I know he should of slept from the beginning on his own but teething and he used to get up like 3 times a night so it was just easier cause me and my husband work all week.

The crying it out don't work he will stand their and cry for 20 and I feel that's unhealthy

EandIMommy86 · March 2014

Your ticker says your LO is a year old. Crying for 20 minutes is not unhealthy at that age. When we transitioned our daughter, We let her cry for 10-20 minutes max. If she didn't stop, we would go in there, snuggle with her for a few minutes, then put her back in the crib and try again. It might take her a few days to get used to it, but it worked for us. After the first night, we rarely had to go in there, LO was usually out by minute 9.

It also helps if you have LO on a schedule so that they are going to bed around the same time each night. If it still does not work, one option could be to change the bed time.

ashiscute · March 2014

No one is going to judge you for co-sleeping. However, if that's not what is best for your family then you need to take the steps to set your LO up for success sleeping in his crib. Your child will probably cry no matter what if he wants to sleep in your bed and not his crib. But if that's where you want him to be sleeping you need to put him there and be consistent.

I'd recommend Ferber's book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem". There's a lot of good info on sleep in there. We followed his approach with both LOs and he recommends progressive waiting. So, you do your routine and put your LO down. If he cries you wait 3 mins and then go comfort him but do not move him from the crib. If he cries again you go back after 5 mins and so on.

The most important thing you can do is figure out a plan both you and DH are on board with and stick to it. Consistency is key. If you do a progressive waiting approach take turns with your DH going in to comfort your LO. Good luck!

ashiscute · March 2014

No one is going to judge you for co-sleeping. However, if that's not what is best for your family then you need to take the steps to set your LO up for success sleeping in his crib. Your child will probably cry no matter what if he wants to sleep in your bed and not his crib. But if that's where you want him to be sleeping you need to put him there and be consistent.

I'd recommend Ferber's book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem". There's a lot of good info on sleep in there. We followed his approach with both LOs and he recommends progressive waiting. So, you do your routine and put your LO down. If he cries you wait 3 mins and then go comfort him but do not move him from the crib. If he cries again you go back after 5 mins and so on.

The most important thing you can do is figure out a plan both you and DH are on board with and stick to it. Consistency is key. If you do a progressive waiting approach take turns with your DH going in to comfort your LO. Good luck!

KKillian1029 · March 2014

He is in the room with us now, well his crib cause that's where its always been we are about to move it back in to his room next month and try it again maybe with him being in his own room will help but idk we will see.

Beth.1212 · March 2014

I am personally anti-CIO, though I don't judge other families that do it. Just because you don't want to let your LO cry for 20 minutes (I wouldn't let my kid cry alone in the dark for that long either!) doesn't mean that you can't sleep train. It just means you need to look into other sleep training methods, i.e. other than CIO. I really like Tracy Hoag's sleep training methods. You should check out the "Walk In/Walk Out" and "Gradual Withdrawal" methods. See here. One may suit you.

I also COMPLETELY agree on the consistency thing.

KKillian1029 · March 2014

Thank you Beth1212 for the link and info about that I will look in to this!

skibunny59 · March 2014

Hey. Don't feel bad about cosleeping. There are many mommies who cosleep for so many different reasons. I never ever thought I would cosleep yet here we are 2 years later and DD is still in our bed. She does start the night off in her own crib in her room but when she wakes up in the middle of the night I am just too damn tired to go in there and rock her and try to put her back to sleep so I just bring her into bed.

I am also a total whimp for CIO. I don't judge other moms for doing it but it is just not for me. We do plan on getting her out of our bed soon. I do like having her there but I worry about when we have number 2. There's not enough space for 2 kids in the bed. What I plan on doing is just going to her room when she wakes up and instead of bringing her to our bed, laying down next to her in her toddler bed until she falls back asleep. I plan on repeating this for as many times as she gets up in the night. I expect that she will cry because she is used to going to mommy and daddy's room at night but at least I won't feel so bad that I'm leaving her in her room to cry all by herself.

Beth.1212 · March 2014

skibunny59 said:

Hey. Don't feel bad about cosleeping. There are many mommies who cosleep for so many different reasons. I never ever thought I would cosleep yet here we are 2 years later and DD is still in our bed. She does start the night off in her own crib in her room but when she wakes up in the middle of the night I am just too damn tired to go in there and rock her and try to put her back to sleep so I just bring her into bed.
I am also a total whimp for CIO. I don't judge other moms for doing it but it is just not for me. We do plan on getting her out of our bed soon. I do like having her there but I worry about when we have number 2. There's not enough space for 2 kids in the bed. What I plan on doing is just going to her room when she wakes up and instead of bringing her to our bed, laying down next to her in her toddler bed until she falls back asleep. I plan on repeating this for as many times as she gets up in the night. I expect that she will cry because she is used to going to mommy and daddy's room at night but at least I won't feel so bad that I'm leaving her in her room to cry all by herself.

Skibunny, if this works for your family, then I'm not one to judge! I just hope that you know there's a middle ground - one where you try to teach your LO to sleep on their own (which I think is a really valuable skill for them to have), but don't leave them alone to cry for long periods of time.

tig594 · March 2014

pavlovcat said:

Don't beat yourself up for co-sleeping. It worked for your family! My daughter ended up unable or unwilling to transition from the rock n play to the crib, so she ended up sleeping in bed with me too.

At this point, I plan on letting her stay with me until she's ready for a toddler bed. Could you perhaps bring the crib into your room and let your son get used to sleeping in it while still close to you?

I'm with you on the cry it out. I'm willing to try it again (tried it one with bad results) once we get a break from constant teething discomfort, but am not counting on it being a solution. My daughter is simply too stubborn and too in need of human contact.

This. We also co-sleep. It works for us for the time being.

carteramariec · March 2014

pavlovcat said:

Don't beat yourself up for co-sleeping. It worked for your family! My daughter ended up unable or unwilling to transition from the rock n play to the crib, so she ended up sleeping in bed with me too.

At this point, I plan on letting her stay with me until she's ready for a toddler bed. Could you perhaps bring the crib into your room and let your son get used to sleeping in it while still close to you?

I'm with you on the cry it out. I'm willing to try it again (tried it one with bad results) once we get a break from constant teething discomfort, but am not counting on it being a solution. My daughter is simply too stubborn and too in need of human contact.

This! We started co-sleeping so we could get some sleep with the plan of moving DS to his own room at 1. He's just way too stubborn. Plus? I hate sleeping alone, so I can't really blame him for wanting human contact at night. As a middle ground we put his PNP next to our bed and he starts the night there. Usually he will wake up between 3-5 and won't stop crying so I put him in bed with us and he'll sleep until its time to wake up. Maybe a similar arrangement would help transition?

PhieryBFly · March 2014

How about letting your little one fall asleep in your bed then moving him? I do this with my daughter. When I go to bed, I scoop her up and put her in her crib which is right next to my bed. Then when she wakes to feed around four, she comes back to bed with me. You could also try putting the crib mattress on the floor next to your bed so he gets used to the mattress next to you and then gets used to the crib environment separately. I've found that there are a lot of different options and configurations. You just need to think about what you have and how to make it work out best for everyone involved. Sometimes, with small steps like these, transitions can be made without crying and very little disruption.

MommyAtty · March 2014

I second Tracy Hoag, aka The Baby Whisperer. Worked like a dream for our first and we plan on using it again when this LO is born in May.

LorMor · March 2014

We've got a mattress on the floor next to the bed. If she wakes up in the night (in her crib) we'll bring her to our bed, let her get back to sleep and then put her on the mattress next to the bed. We can all hear each other breathing but we all have our own space to sleep.

Good luck!

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