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Older sibling challenge with arrival of new baby...

Luck Be A LadyLuck Be A Lady member
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Post and Run (because I'm bloody tired, yo): Moms of siblings - how did your oldest child react when the baby joined the family? I'm completely dumbfounded by my son's behavior since we've come home (He's 3 and a half, baby sister was born on Saturday). He's yelling, screaming, throwing tantrums, talking back, hitting - doing all sorts of things that are extremely unlike him. He went back to daycare yesterday and they said he hit another kid and "seemed depressed" all day. I expected some difficult behaviors with the arrival of his sister, but I didn't expect this. So first question: In your experience, is this normal behavior? Second question - What advice do you have on helping him to adjust without sacrificing the necessary bonding with the baby? Lastly, how long did it last until things got better (IF they got better)? It breaks my heart to see him like this...
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Re: Older sibling challenge with arrival of new baby...

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    TeacherVickyTeacherVicky member
    DS is 2.5y old and DD is 10w old. So while there is an age difference, I think all of it is just typical toddler reaction to this life altering little person that has arrived and won't leave.

    When we brought DD home, DS was great with her but immediately started acting out towards us. The tantrums were back, pushing limits, refusing to listen and letting us know he was refusing to listen, hitting, lots of tears and lots of screaming. This was also very out of character for our DS, but I figure it was typical for this situation. It was so heartbreaking because I knew why he was acting like this, but I just kept telling myself that it was normal and this too shall pass.

    DH and I were careful to go on as we would have pre-DD by setting all the same limits, but we were of course compassionate of the way DS was feeling. We also make sure to spend a lot of one on one time with him, giving him a lot of positive attention and praising him for all of the good. It was tough, but DS is now much better. I'd say we started seeing an improvement less than 2w ago. We still see some behaviour that is out of character, but it is much less severe and more easily corrected.

    3-4w ago, I was very discouraged and didn't know how/when things were going to get better.
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    dunvillesdunvilles member
    We talk to our ds1 about what is going on. One thing he loves is when I narrate what ds 1 is doing while talking to ds 2. I will say things like " oh my ds 2, your brother just picked up ALL of his toys... can you believe it? He is such a huge helper. I know he will teach you how to clean up your toys too!" Seems corny but omg does it help! Ds 1 now asks me to tell brother what he did. We also don't give into feeling bad for ds1 that he isn't an only child anymore. This is our life now and tantrums aren't tolerated bc he knows the expectations. We play with ds1, love him, and are firm with our rules and expectations. It helps for them to know their boundaries.
    #rainbows and #unicorns make any situation #cute. keithcorcoran
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    mandilou221mandilou221 member
    My DS is 4. He was super shy about his baby sister at first. Once everyone stopped making a big deal about her, ("Luke, go stand by your sister - I want to take a picture!" and all that) he asked to hold her once, then asked me to take her back 10 seconds later.

    We thought he'd be alright since he is super independent. He doesn't feel the need to have our 100% 24-7 attention.

    Since we got home from the hospital, he's done whatever he wanted, acted however he wanted, etc. It's almost like he thinks baby sister is lowest on the totem pole now and he is on the same level as mom and dad. He doesn't listen when we ask him to do things, he's been a little disrespectful, a lot of "I don't want to" and telling us "no," etc.

    Getting him to poop on the potty was a struggle to begin with. The past couple days, he's pooped in his pants again just because he didn't want to go to the potty.
    Ugh.

    I'm trying to get him more involved. I've noticed when I ask for his help (even though I don't want his help because he's slow and it would be easier for me to do it myself...) he acts better.

    We haven't had our weekly mom-and-son coffee shop date in a few weeks because of vehicle issues, schedule changes getting ready for maternity leave, and of course having a baby... It'll be nice to have a few outings that are all about him and I hope to get back to those soon once I get breastfeeding on a good schedule. He'd much rather hang out with me than his Pops at this stage of his life, and I'm trying my best to enjoy it.

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