3 year old discipline

JLB24 · March 2014

Hi Ladies! I haven't posted in forever, but I'm at my ropes end and am in dire need of some disciplining advice for my 3 year old. We also have a 16 month old, so I question if some of his behavior is due to trying to compete for attention w his little brother, but to be quite honest, my oldest has always been a whiner/pistol, even before baby brother came into the picture.

C is high energy, wants to climb all over the couches, run around like a crazy man. When he doesn't get his way, the whining starts. He throws tantrums from time to time, sometimes flailing about so bad that he hits me or I am scared he will fall off the couch or crash into a toy. Basically, he wants what he wants when he wants it! If his little brother has a toy (mind you it is usually a toy that C has no interest in), he will push down the baby and yell "NO!" Yesterday, both boys had their check ups and for the first 15 min. they were angels. But then after having to wait C started climbing in and out of the stroller and whining bc he couldn't get my jacket to cover him perfectly. I was fine w/ it bc it was keeping him occupied and off the filthy doctor's floor, but then the doctor came in and C continued to do this, but was also screaming "bye bye doctor" bc at that point he had had enough. Then he starts pulling down his pull-up and showing his you know what, which he has never done before! So here I am trying to listen to the doctor, holding the baby, and trying to get C to behave. In hindsight, it's all kind of hysterical, but I felt like I had no control over my child at the moment! Then we grabbed dinner after the doctor and if C couldn't drink his juice the entire time, he kept screaming "NO!" and whining.

Plenty of time is spent w/ both boys together, each of them 1-on-1, etc. C's behavior definitely seems worst when I'm around. He is an angel at the babysitter's (he goes daily while I'm at work w/ his brother...they are the only 2 there...and this is all according to the sitter). I've tried time outs, but he will not stay on the step or chair, and he will just run back to me crying (I've never been really consistent with these as they are always a massive fail...but maybe they are a failure bc I'm not consistent and/or doing them wrong!). I'm really not sure what to do. Any suggestions/tips or suggested books to read?? TIA!!

rlyttle · March 2014

So what do you do now? Timeout? Spank? Take toys away? What works great for us, didn't at first, but with consistency it has paid off... I tell DS what I want him to do and count to 3. So I tell him "get off the couch...1... You better get down or you are going in timeout....2.... you need to be a good boy for mommy...... 3..... TIMEOUT!!!!!" Then I leave him there till he can stop crying. Or I spank him & put him in timeout. I only have to do that when he is being SUPER crazy!!!

Now when I start to count he knows I mean business & he listens soooooo much better.

With the whining I just keep saying "I only understand you when you talk like a big boy. Talk like a big boy please". Then I ignore him till he talks like a big boy, or I do the counting thing.

Finding something that works is the hard part, but then you just have to stick with it and be consistent which can be just as tough! GL!!

gnrkrystle1 · March 2014

I can't help but deeply relate, only I have the same problem with my oldest (2 1/2) ALL THE TIME. But like you, he's so much worse when I'm around, and I can't figure out why. I try to be consistent, and I think I do an okay job of it. I could do better. Still, he doesn't take me seriously and I feel out of control most of the time. This is especially true when we are out in public or at someone else's house. With the baby sitter, at home, he's totally normal and fine. WHAT'S THE DEAL!

I lose my temper and then feel guilty, but I can't take it anymore! The best I can offer is sympathy because I haven't figured it out yet, either. I have started the counting method. I'll let you know if I have any luck getting him in line that way.

bumpuser9524622 · March 2014

I don't have younger sibling issues, so I can't help with that. But as a general discipline approach, we use positive discipline and it's worked great for us. I highly recommend the Jane Nielsen books (specifically the one for preschoolers for this age). Good luck!

fitmom82 · March 2014

I would really look into a discipline book, I don't have any to recommend, but I think you need some structure and consequences. I know many people have said 3 is worse than 2, my experience had been that after 2 DD actually got better. The part of your post that kind of made me question your discipline was when you said in hynd sight the doctor situation was hysterical. As I read you describe what happened I just thought how embarrasing, I wouldn't have found any humor in that at all. I'm also under the impression that you went out to eat after the dr. If I were you I would have gone home right after, she would have lost the privilage of going out to dinner.

I do my best to totally avoid situations like that. DD is almost 4 and now can go pretty much anywhere I don't need to be concerned, but from about 1-3 1/2 I have never left the house without a snack, drink, and usually a toy or book. At the dr I bring some electronic to keep her busy. I can also usually distract her pretty easy by talking about something or playing with something. When she does get in moods where she's very defiant I ignore her for a while, if she keeps it up I get down in her face and tell her how upset I am with her and how she needs to stop. I don't scream, but I'm very firm and I scare the crap out of her. She crys for a while and then I"m usually able to comfort her and we start fresh. She also has a little brother, almost 2. I don't allow her to take things from him. He can't speak much so in situations like that he's my priority, she's old enough to know better and he needs someone to stick up for him.

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3 year old discipline

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