Long vent. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Long vent.

I bled for like a week and was hoping that was it, but apparently not. It's been a long time since I've just let it happen instead of getting a D&C and it's so much worse than I remember. Yesterday I was cramping so bad I just stayed in bed with a heating pad most of the day. I have my next beta on Wed, so hopefully it's down quite a bit. I just want this to be over with. It's been almost 2 weeks since we saw their hearts had stopped and it still hurts (emotionally) like it was this morning. Of course I have my ups and downs, but I could really use a few more ups about now.

I was supposed to see the RE on Friday for more RPL testing, but that appt was set up after my last loss and since now I'm dealing with another loss that's so recent they don't want me to come in until my beta is back to 0. But by the time that happens it won't even be worth going in for testing because we're moving across the country (from IN to OR) at the end of April. So now I get to wait until I get there and find doctors and get referrals and sit on waiting lists forever. We're not even sure we want to try again, but we don't want to rule it out until we've seen the RE to get as many chances of getting an answer as we can.

Unfortunately, that means I'm stuck somewhere in the middle not sure if we're going to attempt to TTC again or if we're going to end up CFNBC. I feel like I can't really move on with my life not knowing what to expect. I just feel so incredibly defeated right now.

I'm sorry for whining so much, but I just don't know who else to talk to right now. This whole thing is just frustrating, which I'm sure you all understand.
image image

Re: Long vent.

  • I'm so sorry this has dragged on so much and that the timing is so cruddy. I can also sympathize with being stuck in the no mans land of not knowing whether to TTC or just deciding that we're going to quit all together. I had only been active on this board, but decided that as more time passes after my most recent m/c that I might want to venture to other boards as well but I couldn't decide if I even fit on TTCAL, TTC after 35, IF, CFNBC, or what.

    I really hope your levels are way down on Wednesday and all the physical discomfort will go away soon so you can move forward. Here's hoping there are some great, available doctors in OR that can help and support you, whichever path you choose. In the meantime, play some of those happy songs you posted a few days ago, maybe those will help. Hugs to you!
    Me: 41, DH: 42, married 2009
    BFP #1: 12/05/2012; EDD 08/09/2013; MC 01/2013 (missed, D&C)
    BFP #2: 12/19/2013; EDD 08/25/2014; MC 01/2014 (natural)
    KingLED
  • AggieBeth06AggieBeth06
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited March 2014

    ticker warning


    Oh, Elly. I'm sorry! I hate this for you.

    It is hard to try to move on emotionally when your body isn't ready.

    Is it possible to get on the books with an OB in OR now? It might take some weeks to get a new patient appointment.

    I'll be with you in the length of the process... I don't feel comfortable even discussing TTC until I get some indication if my uterine position can be changed. I don't see it being realistic at this point to TTC with it retroflexed as badly as it is. There don't seem to be any realistic options for treatment that are covered by insurance... they're all eastern/ancient and probably quacky. And of course nothing that I can even begin to sort through until my cervix is healed.

    It's hard to be positive about options right now because we feel crappy. It's also hard because we don't really have a positive category to fit in. We are just us.


    image

    PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
    Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

    PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
    Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
    3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
    D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

    All Welcome

    Chart

    KingLED
  • Loading the player...
  • i'm so sorry your going through all that.. you go through all the rant and raving you need to, too help you heal! all of us on here know how you feel and we are all here for you as best as we can be. You'll get through this and you'll be a stronger person for it. I know we all wish we could be there to help you through this difficult time. *big hugs*

     

    KingLED
  • I'm so sorry Elly. Life is really sucky and unfair sometimes. I wish there was something I could do. No one should have to go through this. I really hope that you can get some answers. I know it's no constellation, but you have helped me (and others) so much. Even though I really wish you weren't in this situation, I'm very grateful to have had your support throughout this, And if there is anything I can do for you (even if it's just listening) please let me know.
    TTC since 5/13
    BFP 1/23 
    MMC 3/4
    D&C-3/12 
    Currently NTNP
    KingLED
  • *ticker warning*

    I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this on top of your physical and emotional pain. I wish I had more to offer other than I am here to listen and support any way i can. Hugs.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

    image







  • I know that it wouldn't physically feel the awesome-est to do this right now, but maybe mentally you could?

    image


    image

    PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
    Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

    PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
    Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
    3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
    D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

    All Welcome

    Chart

    gabbagalKingLED[Deleted User]
  • edited March 2014
    I can't even imagine being in limbo like that. My personality is such that I 'have to know'. My miscarriages have taught me an ugly lesson, I truly cannot control everything. That's a hard pill to swallow for me. Seeing the Genetic Counselor brought me a sliver of peace and hope. I want that so much for all the ladies on here and for you especially.

    Could you call some doctors and get the process started where you are moving? Maybe it would give you piece of mind knowing things were set up when you got there?

    Regardless, again, I am so sorry. I hope the bleeding stops soon so you can focus on healing emotionally.
    KingLED
  • ***lurking from TTGP***

    I was being creepy and looking for you to see how you're doing.  I'm so sorry you're in pain and even worse, limbo right now.  I hate being in limbo :( nothing to do but wonder and not being able to take any action towards it... so frustrating.  I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace.

    On the upside, you're escaping Indiana!  Good for you!  I'll be here until I'm dead.  But that's okay.  I'm in my little impenetrable liberal hippy bubble and otherwise unscathed by the rest of this state.

    IUI 08/2013 - natural cycle, BFN
    IUI 10/2013 - Clomid cycle, BFN
    IUI 11/2013 - Clomid cycle, BFN
    IUI 03/2014 - Clomid cycle, BFN
    IUI 05/2014 - Femara + FSH, BFN
    IUI 06/2014 - FSH, BFP! DS born 02/2015

    TTC #2 (and #3)
    W IUI 08/2017 - Femara, BFN
    W IUI 10/2017 - Femara, BFN
    W diagnosed as low AMH
    Me: PCOS
    Myo-Inositol, NAC, prenatals
    IUI 03/2018 - Gonal F - BFN

    INVOcell IVF September 2018 - BFP!!! B/G Twins born 04/2019
    KingLED
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