My mother is a buzzkill — The Bump
April 2014 Moms

My mother is a buzzkill

I could also add my father to the list. 

DH and I wont share the name we picked out b/c I dont want to hear my parents complain about the choice me made.  Doesnt matter what the name is, they will complain.  In fact, my mother started off a convo this morning with "I heard a stupid name today that started with  'D', does the baby's name start with a 'D'"? It does but Im not telling her.

I love my parents b/c they are my parents but THANK GOODNESS we live in difft states.  My mom plans on coming up when the baby arrives but my father "may not be able to take off work". UMMMM... hes own his own company and has other people (including my older bro) that work for him. We live 7 hrs apart by car, its not that far when talking about visiting your first grandchild. I asked her if she just wanted me to take picture of the baby and text it to him. 

I think my mom thought she was being funny but then realized she was hurting my feeling.  At one point, she explained that my father couldnt take off work for the same reason he couldnt make a wedding across country.  Personally, Im failing to the see the connection.

I have meeting in a few min. or I would have shut my office door and cried.

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Re: My mother is a buzzkill

  • We're not telling anyone the name either.  It's driving my MIL crazy she she doesn't know, which I think is part of the reason that we're keeping it quiet :-)  

    I'm sorry your dad is being weird about coming to visit.  If he's just going to be stressed about work the whole time, then maybe it's best that he doesn't come.  I know you want to see your dad, but maybe it's best to wait until a better time, when he can be more helpful.  It sounds like if he came now he'd be too preoccupied to help.
    imageDSC_9275  image



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  • I'm a little irritated that my dad has decided not to come visit to meet the baby, like, at any time.  He does have some health issues that make it difficult for him to travel, but those didn't prevent him from going to Ireland last year.  And we have a family reunion coming up in July and my mom was all "Well, maybe if it's some place interesting like Paris your dad and I will go."  Oh, I see.  You can make it to Paris but you can't make the trip out to meet your granddaughter.  Gotcha. 




    jennypenny1014
  • We shared our name, and my MIL hates it and refuses to say his name. She always calls him baby and according to my BIL, she has come up with her own name for our DS. And I feel so bad, but no one on my DH side of the family has ever mentioned any interest in coming to meet our LO. We live 10 hours away. I finally told DH that we would go visit his family 3 weeks after LO is born so that DH family can meet him. It's hard when family doesn't show any excitement, but just focus on your small family.
    jennypenny1014
  • Sorry about your parents. My mom tries to find slick ways to say she doesn't like our girl name but I honestly don't give a fuck. It's my baby not hers. I didn't really like my name as a child so there's that. As long as you and your husband agree on it that's all that matters right now
    fourthnlast[Deleted User]jennypenny1014
  • We haven't shared our names with anyone either.  When DS was born, we were team green, and hadn't shared names.  After I gave birth, DH started making phone calls the the family.  He told everyone that we had a...baby!  If they wanted to find out if it was a boy or girl, and find out the name, they had to come to the hospital to see us!

    We had a lot of visitors (which I love).

    We plan to do the same thing this time.
    Chase was born 4/23/2011
    Carlene was born 4/18/2014                          A14 siggy challenge:  Junk Food
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    jennypenny1014avidkeo
  • Tferr02 said:
    We shared our name, and my MIL hates it and refuses to say his name. She always calls him baby and according to my BIL, she has come up with her own name for our DS. And I feel so bad, but no one on my DH side of the family has ever mentioned any interest in coming to meet our LO. We live 10 hours away. I finally told DH that we would go visit his family 3 weeks after LO is born so that DH family can meet him. It's hard when family doesn't show any excitement, but just focus on your small family.
    This just seems so weird to me, why does she think she has any control over what you and your DH name YOUR baby? So sorry :(
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    jennypenny1014
  • We are naming our son James Douglas, after our dads. But I swear, if MIL thinks she's going to call him Jim or Jimmy, she's got another thing coming. Just James, thanks!
    jennypenny1014
  • Sorry about your parents. My mom tries to find slick ways to say she doesn't like our girl name but I honestly don't give a fuck. It's my baby not hers. I didn't really like my name as a child so there's that. As long as you and your husband agree on it that's all that matters right now
    This sums up my feelings. We shared our name because it's the name WE chose and I don't give a flying fuck if anyone "approves" or not.
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    deidremariajennypenny1014Nxy
  • We're not sharing the name either - I think it's better that way, at least within my family. 

    Sorry about your dad, that's hurtful :( 

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  • I know the feeling, my dad has named the baby and calls the baby by this name around other people. This is not the name we are giving the baby.


  • Sorry about your parents. My mom tries to find slick ways to say she doesn't like our girl name but I honestly don't give a fuck. It's my baby not hers. I didn't really like my name as a child so there's that. As long as you and your husband agree on it that's all that matters right now

    This sums up my feelings. We shared our name because it's the name WE chose and I don't give a flying fuck if anyone "approves" or not.

    Exactly!!! Nobody's opinion on the names matter to me so I have no problem sharing them.
    fourthnlastjennypenny1014
  • My MIL keeps bugging us about names but then she shoots down any names we tell her, so we are just telling her the baby's name will be Maude.

    My FIL is semi-retired and works for he parks department part-time. But April is a busy month for him so he won't be able to break away to come see the baby.

    So yeah, I know how you feel. It is annoying but in my case I am kind of glad FIL won't be coming because it solves some logistical issues we were having with them coming to visit.

     

    Qualera
  • Gah parents and names suck! I am lucky that we haven't really got this issue, they are curious and have have said the name we have chosen among a list of other names, and they haven't commented either way which is nice.

    DH is really disappointed in his family though. We moved up here over a year ago, and are 9 hrs drive away from his family - 14 to my family! My mum has been for a visit (dad isn't in the picture) and so have my mums parents. Mum has already booked flights to visit right after LO is due for 2 weeks, and my grandparents are making plans to visit in the next couple of months. NONE of his family have visited or are even making any effort to come. 

    To be a little more fair, this is mums first grandchild, and I have always been close to my grandparents. DH parents have 4 grand kids already, FIL is wheelchair bound, and MIL is getting on a bit - they are the same age as my grandparents.

    But DH is really hurt that his mum isn't making any effort to come up at all. Normally we would go visit them at Christmas, but his attitude is if they haven't made the effort to come here, we are not going there. I absolutely see his point, but I don't want our LO to miss out on her grandparents!
    Angel baby June 2013, DD born 22 April 2014, BFP 10 Sept 2015 - Due 22 May 2016
    jennypenny1014
  • We shared ideas of names early on and my mother has already said that if we use certain names she just won't call him/her that.

    It also kills her that we decided to not find out the sex. I say, that's what she gets for being the way she is.
    September Siggy Challenge: Singing in the Shower

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    jennypenny1014
  • It is killing both of our parents that we haven't settled on a name yet. We've narrowed it down to 2-4 (depending on who you ask), but haven't solidified anything. Part of me wants to get some feedback, but I'm afraid it will piss me off more than anything, so this far I have resisted.
    jennypenny1014
  • Wow. I can't believe people's parents are picking their own names for your babies!? In what world do they think that happens? Id be so annoyed!
    jennypenny1014
  • After getting some negative feedback from people, SO and I decided to stop telling people our options. Or, at least I did. Come to find out he's been talking about it with his folks, who both blatantly dislike my #1 (and pretty much any name I've come up with or approve of), and are trying to push their favorites onto us.

    I say let people be pushy and complain all they want, but if you don't want them to know your name choices, then don't tell them. Frankly, it's none of their business anyways, seeing as you're going to be addressing your child more than anyone else.
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    Delilah Noel
    4/25/14 12:41am



  • Our parents actually haven't been that concerned about not knowing her name (but SIL and BIL didn't share so my inlaws are used to it)

    Our friends/coworkers are a different story. Back when LO was the size of a banana someone asked and DH said we were naming her Chiquita. So that's what we tell people now. :D
    jennypenny1014
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