The new CIO: teaching baby NO

giraffeluvspi · March 2014

Sully is all over the place now. He is getting into things he shouldn't. We are in the process of baby proofing ASAP, but in reality we can't cover everything. I also don't want a child I can't take places without babyproofing. I want him learn (eventually) not to touch things.

His new fascination is the TV stand and all the gadgets under it. We plan to wall mount our TV this week, but we can't wall mount ALL the boxes on the stand. We've started telling him no, then moving him away from the stand and putting him back by his toys. He promptly crawls right back to the stand and grabbing stuff. My mom suggested smacking his hand, but DH and I agree he is too young. This poses the question, though, how old is old enough? I can't imagine myself ever being ready to discipline this cute kid.

jackson290721 · March 2014

I just say no and redirect her. Now she is getting to the point where I say no and she will redirect herself.

We also are learning "gentle" for when we pet the dog and cats.

mrshudson618 · March 2014

I started telling him no a few weeks ago when grabbing my glasses or pulling my hair. Just removed his hand looked serious and said no in a stern voice. He finds it hilarious. :-??

giraffeluvspi · March 2014

This reminds me of another thing the kid has already learned... hanging off the baby gates. Last night he crawled over to one, stuck is legs under it sitting there. Then he swung one leg up on the bottom bar and held on to the bars leaning back and smiling at us. He also examines the latches rather closely. FFS you're only 7 mo old and you're already plotting your escape?

gutsymama · March 2014

Smacking a hand or spanking is totally a personal choice, as far as I'm concerned; no judgement here. But I do think it needs to wait until they're old enough to understand WHY it's happening - and I don't think we're at that point, for awhile yet. But I don't really know when.

ETA: Personally, if we spank at all I imagine we'll reserve it for misbehavior that is potentially extremely dangerous, not for run-of-the-mill stuff - but I haven't BTDT yet, so we'll see. It seems a long way off to me still.

sdtchica13 · March 2014

ChrissieMeas said:

This reminds me of another thing the kid has already learned... hanging off the baby gates. Last night he crawled over to one, stuck is legs under it sitting there. Then he swung one leg up on the bottom bar and held on to the bars leaning back and smiling at us. He also examines the latches rather closely. FFS you're only 7 mo old and you're already plotting your escape?

Ha, this is Gavin, he pulls up to standing at the gate and starts shaking the bars...I'm just waiting for him to start yelling "ATTICA! ATTICA"!

gutsymama · March 2014

@lizabethann06 are you anti-spanking altogether?

giraffeluvspi · March 2014

lizabethann06 said:

PS I'm shocked that your mom would suggest smacking an infants hand @-)

I don't think she meant a hard smack, and I also think she sees him as "older" than he really is since he is so mobile? She mostly sees him via photos and Facetime. She is on the other side of the country so it isn't likely she'll be spending any unsupervised time with him anytime soon.

giraffeluvspi · March 2014

lizabethann06 said:

mimi4347 said:

@lizabethann06 are you anti-spanking altogether?

I am scared to answer this so I'm not going to lol.

I will say this, though. I would never smack the hand of an infant, that's not cool.

@ChrissieMeas I'm usually always mobile but am on my computer and seeing siggy pics for the first time in forever. Love his jammies. Jack had similar ones, it makes me nostalgic for my squishly little guy who is now in size 4T and too big for footsie pajamas (

See I was afraid this debate might surface on my post!

@lizabethann06 thanks! My mom picked them up at a secondhand store since she knows I love giraffes. He's not too old for footsie PJs, they make them all the way up to adult sizes!

atlvol · March 2014

We are telling him "no" in a stern voice an redirecting him to his toys or another activity. It isn't working yet, because he keeps going back to what he was told no for, but oh well

gutsymama · March 2014

@ChrissieMeas I'm not trying to start any trouble! I just haven't really looked into pros and cons beyond my personal experience and DH's and I thought @lizabethann06 would probably have some good info on it.

FTR, the mimi household's personal experience is this: DH was spanked a lot. He was a bad kid. I was only spanked once ever and I never needed it again

O:-)

giraffeluvspi · March 2014

mimi4347 said:

@ChrissieMeas I'm not trying to start any trouble! I just haven't really looked into pros and cons beyond my personal experience and DH's and I thought @lizabethann06 would probably have some good info on it.

FTR, the mimi household's personal experience is this: DH was spanked a lot. He was a bad kid. I was only spanked once ever and I never needed it again O:-)

Haha no worries. You're such a troublemaker.

This sounds exactly like DH and I. I was spanked maybe once. I was so eager to please I hardly ever got into trouble, but DH... lord help me if this kid is like him. He peed on/out of everything and was constantly getting hurt. I already see Sully pushing his limits.

I just had a thought: positive reinforcement with puffs. The kid would do anything for a damn puff. "Sully, leave it! Crawl to Mama. Good boy! Here's a puff!"

giraffeluvspi · March 2014

NKaeding said: mimi4347 said: @ChrissieMeas I'm not trying to start any trouble! I just haven't really looked into pros and cons beyond my personal experience and DH's and I thought @lizabethann06 would probably have some good info on it.
FTR, the mimi household's personal experience is this: DH was spanked a lot. He was a bad kid. I was only spanked once ever and I never needed it again O:-) We were both the "good" kids and both of our sisters were the "bad" kids.
We joke that we hope Ellie is like mommy/daddy and not her aunts.
_________

ETA: Quote fail

I love my sister, but if Sully is like her I'm in for even more trouble than if he is like DH. They are both Leo's... :-S

Mommy1stTimer · March 2014

I know with infants it is VEERRRYYYY different, but a very interesting day last week was when I was teaching persuasive writing to my high schoolers, the debate became: would you rather get a "whoopin" (as my students call it) or have your phone taken away.

Things got heated. Many of them said it took one whoopin & they'd never do whatever again. While the other side said, & I quote, "Beat my ass, but don't take my phone." Teenagers....

LauraB1016 · March 2014

We have begun using firm a "No". I don't believe she quite understands the word but she definitely notices the change in our tone of voice.

@mimi4347 and @chrissieMeas Our house is the same way. Though I would personally consider DH's experience to more of physical abuse. This is a topic (discipline) that we spoke about a lot prior to having Allison. His life experiences had made him more ap to turn to spanking and other anger reactions and we had to be on the same page prior to having children.

KikiCohen · March 2014

lizabethann06 said:
Oh boy. There are much better ways to teach your child limits than smacking. Redirection is key at this point. Your baby is exploring his world and at this age, it's totally normal and natural to be exploring and getting into EVERYTHING.

A few things to keep in mind:

Prevention: if you don't want your baby to grab the remote, don't leave it where he can get it.

Distract and redirect: offer something else instead.

Praise: if wonder of wonders your baby stays away after you redirect, lots of cheers

Choose your battles and BE REALISTIC: our babies are exploring their world. They're infants. This is all very normal. Anyone who tells you otherwise needs some child development classes.

One million % this.

gutsymama · March 2014

Mamasighs said:

I'm very anti spanking. As a child that was spanked, bare bottom with hands, switches and a belt - and I was still "bad". And told so repeatedly. Not surprisingly I've had some issues I don't want to bestow upon my own children.

I also think there's an appropriate way to do it and an inappropriate way to do it - switches and belts are not appropriate IMO, nor is spanking at too young an age or being verbally destructive instead of constructive.

I absolutely understand why some people choose to stay far, far away from spanking, but I do think it can be used appropriately and effectively in some cases and I have no problem with that. I don't really know yet how we'll handle it.

Aiylin · March 2014

Noah knows "No" and he knows what it means and he doesn't like it.. There are things you can't put away case and point, he tries to pry my mole off my chest sometimes and it effen hurt, my hair? yeah that's another fun one but none the less I have started to firmly say no and move his hand from what he shouldn't be touching. He pouts and cries. He has a rebound rate of about 2 seconds, he gets over it and moves on to the next big thing in his world.

We're also trying to teach him to play nice with the fur baby, but he's not into the whole gentle thing. Apparently annoying the poor thing is sooo much more fun (for him anyway).

@-)

[Deleted User] · March 2014

Spanking is honestly one thing I can say I will never do. I mean that. I don't need anyone to tell me that I don't know that for sure because I haven't ever been put in that position. I will never spank my kid, I know that for 100% sure

gutsymama · March 2014

@mamasighs >:D<

[Deleted User] · March 2014

ChrissieMeas said:

mimi4347 said:

@ChrissieMeas I'm not trying to start any trouble! I just haven't really looked into pros and cons beyond my personal experience and DH's and I thought @lizabethann06 would probably have some good info on it.

FTR, the mimi household's personal experience is this: DH was spanked a lot. He was a bad kid. I was only spanked once ever and I never needed it again O:-)

Haha no worries. You're such a troublemaker.

This sounds exactly like DH and I. I was spanked maybe once. I was so eager to please I hardly ever got into trouble, but DH... lord help me if this kid is like him. He peed on/out of everything and was constantly getting hurt. I already see Sully pushing his limits.

I just had a thought: positive reinforcement with puffs. The kid would do anything for a damn puff. "Sully, leave it! Crawl to Mama. Good boy! Here's a puff!"

The only problem with this is you're teaching him that when he starts playing with the cable box mommy will break out the puffs. I would move the boxes out of reach for a good year or so.

bobcee · March 2014

I'm not 100% anti spanking, but have found that we've never felt to need to spank DD. We've found other things that have worked for us such as re-direction and now that she's older, just talking to at her level, taking her feelings into account and letting her know that, and just using time-outs/sending her to her room when she's in the midst of a tantrum and nothing is working. Typically she'll calm on her own after just a little bit.

When DS has been getting into things now, we're doing pretty much what pp said. We say his name and when he looks at us, we sternly tell him no.

Right now he usually smiles and thinks it's funny, but I think he's starting to understand because when he had my laptop cord the other day and I told him no, he dropped it immediately and gave me a sly smile. I know this may just be coincidence, but I'll take it.

We also will move him to another area when telling him no sometimes. Eventually they'll get it. But like pp's said right now they are exploring. they'll eventually start testing their limits.

Somewhat off topic maybe, but I will say make sure when they are old enough to understand discipline and consequences though you follow through. We have friends that are constantly making idle threats and their DD knows it and is a brat. She can basically just throw a fit and eventually gets her way.

dinomama13 · March 2014

Jae also thinks it's hilarious when I tell him no but if I add in the stern voice he cries. He's almost got crawling figured out so I've gotta get baby proofing ASAP. I'm sure the next level of "no" is gonna be hellish.

heatherbrownm · March 2014

Definitely no spanking or hand slapping will be happening here. DH and I both agree. I was not spanked as a child and I believe that there are far better ways to discipline your child than spanking.

lovemyminions · March 2014

We will do a firm 'no' and redirect. When she's older and does something repeatedly after being told no she will get a swat on the hand, this will depend on when she understands cause and effect. I was spanked as a kid, only on the bottom, through clothes and never with anything other than a hand. I can never remember it ever hurting and usually I just felt bad for whatever I had done. DH was from a much stricter upbringing. DD1 has received one spanking but only for running to the road (we live on a busy highway), I find timeouts and talking more effective and will reserve spanking for dangerous situations.

Lelo2006 · March 2014

Mamasighs said:
I'm very anti spanking. As a child that was spanked, bare bottom with hands, switches and a belt - and I was still "bad". And told so repeatedly.

Not surprisingly I've had some issues I don't want to bestow upon my own children.

This... I really really don't want to spank, but I'm afraid I will at some point.

EagleWife · March 2014

Hugs, @mamasighs. I'm so sorry. Something breaks a little inside of you when an adult you love, trust, and adore hits\smacks\shakes\hurts you. I don't know that it ever can be "fixed."

=((

I'm all about redirection and as much prevention as possible.

edit: typos

opheliainwaders · March 2014

Beats me. I realized yesterday that I default to saying "ah-ah, leave it!" thanks to all prior experience being with puppies :-/

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

lizabethann06 said:
Oh boy. There are much better ways to teach your child limits than smacking. Redirection is key at this point. Your baby is exploring his world and at this age, it's totally normal and natural to be exploring and getting into EVERYTHING.

A few things to keep in mind:

Prevention: if you don't want your baby to grab the remote, don't leave it where he can get it.

Distract and redirect: offer something else instead.

Praise: if wonder of wonders your baby stays away after you redirect, lots of cheers

Choose your battles and BE REALISTIC: our babies are exploring their world. They're infants. This is all very normal. Anyone who tells you otherwise needs some child development classes.

All of this! :-bd

opheliainwaders · March 2014

etoille said:

@mamasighs

big huge hugs. I don't know if I am anti spanking or not. As someone who was much like you, abused, rather than spanked, its tough to know what an actual spanking looks like.

But part of me is like ok well if it doesn't hurt/is just a swat...then whats the damn point anyways? Spanking would have to be unpleasant to be effective. But that spanking versus abuse line...

I think at the end of the day my sincerest hope for myself and my children, since words can be just as hurtful as hands, is to try not to effect discipline while angry. Whether its physical or mental discipline. I aspire to teach, not inflict pain of any kind.

How that will work out who knows. I am definitely terrified at times that I will repeat the cycle. That's why I didn't want kids for the longest time. I remember that feeling of being completely broken from the inside....I look at Mike now and I think how fucked up do you have to be to do that to someone who loves you SO much? Seriously.

If it's useful, I have a good friend who's an early childhood development specialist, and she offered to send over some recs for behavior/discipline books that are based on logical consequences and learning rather than "punishment." (Stuff like, "if you use the toy to hit your brother, then the toy goes away." etc., which is much more clear to a little kid than "if you hit your brother then you don't get dessert," or "if you hit your brother then I hit you."). I can post her recommendations here once I get them if you want some resources. (I imagine the BTDTs also may have some good ones?)

Aiylin · March 2014

We just had the spanking debate in our office last Friday.

Without putting in all sort of hypothetical type of situations let me just say that today's youth as in teenagers who have a huge sense of self-entitlement and no respect for teachers, parents, and other authority figures could probably have used a good spanking back in their day.

To be noted there is a difference between spanking and beating.

I was beaten as a child and while I will not beat my child, I will spank if necessary. Though I do believe you get a lot further with almost anyone by going through positive reinforcement and giving love and understanding.

Keywords:almost anyone

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

Re: Spanking . It's only happened to DD once. She darted out in front of a car when I was pregnant at the grocery store. She was nearly street pizza & I pee'd myself (no joke).

She got a firm talking to after a small pop (not hard) to the booty. The car honking at her was more effective. I haven't had any reason since then. That was serious so I felt, at the time, that it was appropriate. She has never done it again.

I would say I am very generally anti-spanking. Time out & removing items/privileges is more Abby's "currency".

Stina2012 · March 2014

Aiylin said:

We just had the spanking debate in our office last Friday.

Without putting in all sort of hypothetical type of situations let me just say that today's youth as in teenagers who have a huge sense of self-entitlement and no respect for teachers, parents, and other authority figures could probably have used a good spanking back in their day.

To be noted there is a difference between spanking and beating.

I was beaten as a child and while I will not beat my child, I will spank if necessary. Though I do believe you get a lot further with almost anyone by going through positive reinforcement and giving love and understanding.

Keywords:almost anyone

I disagree completely. The self entitled youth? They needed to be told No and given responsibilities and guidance. Not spanking.

My turd brother was spanked occasionally like I was and still turned out a turd! It's the fact that he didn't have first job until 20 years old, my Mom filled out his college applications and he was never expected to do more than be a hot shot jock that landed him in his entitled world today.

Stina2012 · March 2014

casey78 said:

Muirmaid said:

Beats me. I realized yesterday that I default to saying "ah-ah, leave it!" thanks to all prior experience being with puppies :-/
) I totally do this.

On more than one occasion, poor Cosmo has looked up innocently and then ducked his head as we told Leah "leave it" or "no bite"

DH will tell Riley "Sit" when he wants her to sit. It's hysterical. I keep waiting for the dog to sit too!

EagleWife · March 2014

etoille said:

@mamasighs

big huge hugs. I don't know if I am anti spanking or not. As someone who was much like you, abused, rather than spanked, its tough to know what an actual spanking looks like.

But part of me is like ok well if it doesn't hurt/is just a swat...then whats the damn point anyways? Spanking would have to be unpleasant to be effective. But that spanking versus abuse line...

I think at the end of the day my sincerest hope for myself and my children, since words can be just as hurtful as hands, is to try not to effect discipline while angry. Whether its physical or mental discipline (and by physical I mean picking a child up and putting them in time out - again I don't see myself as a spanker). I aspire to teach, not inflict pain of any kind.

How that will work out who knows. I am definitely terrified at times that I will repeat the cycle. That's why I didn't want kids for the longest time. I remember that feeling of being completely broken from the inside....I look at Mike now and I think how fucked up do you have to be to do that to someone who loves you SO much? Seriously.

Loved your post for hugs @etoille and completely agree with this.

mrshudson618 · March 2014

lwrightenator said:

Spanking is honestly one thing I can say I will never do. I mean that. I don't need anyone to tell me that I don't know that for sure because I haven't ever been put in that position. I will never spank my kid, I know that for 100% sure
I feel the same way. I don't think it teaches kids what you think it should. It teaches them to feel bad about themselves. But I think that all forms of punishment do this. I don't want that for my children.

Wait...so you are against all forms of punishment?

giraffeluvspi · March 2014

To be clear, I think any form of spanking a child is only a "tap" to get their attention. For example they are about to get into something dangerous and ignore your use of the word "NO", a quick tap on the butt should get their attention.

opheliainwaders · March 2014

NKaeding said:

mrshudson618 said:

lwrightenator said:

Spanking is honestly one thing I can say I will never do. I mean that. I don't need anyone to tell me that I don't know that for sure because I haven't ever been put in that position. I will never spank my kid, I know that for 100% sure
I feel the same way. I don't think it teaches kids what you think it should. It teaches them to feel bad about themselves. But I think that all forms of punishment do this. I don't want that for my children.

Wait...so you are against all forms of punishment?

Do you mean all forms of corporal punishment?

Or maybe she's differentiating punishment from discipline? I'm interested to hear more...

ashie624 · March 2014

mrshudson618 said:
I started telling him no a few weeks ago when grabbing my glasses or pulling my hair. Just removed his hand looked serious and said no in a stern voice. He finds it hilarious. :-??

Zoe finds it hilarious as well.

jackson290721 · March 2014

Re: spanking, smacking l, what have you - I don't do anything to my kid that would get me fired as a nanny. Two exceptions 1. She's seen me naked (only other kid I will change in front of is my sister) other kids haven't. 2. She gets boob fed. Never boob fed anyone else's kid.

jackson290721 · March 2014

somerandomchick said:
I'm just going to say that pretty much every generation thinks the teenagers are such brats omg.

It happens over and over and over again. There's tons of articles about what's "wrong" with millenials and how awful we are, entitled, spoiled etc. But 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 50 years ago, 80 years ago, people were complaining about Kids These Days and what's wrong with them.

I bet you a million dollars if you tell me when you graduated HS I can find an article bitching about how your entire generation is a failure in some way.

This times infinity

The new CIO: teaching baby NO

Re: The new CIO: teaching baby NO

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards