Coming over (living child mentioned)

nohalo21 · March 2014

I've been posting mainly on the other board and figured it was time for me to move over here.

On 3/6, we were eager to go to our anatomy scan to see our little girl. However, as soon as I saw the screen I knew something was wrong. Her heart had stopped beating sometime between this visit and my last visit 2 weeks prior. I opted to be induced and delivered Harper Paige two days later. The past week has been a blur for us but our spunky 3 year old has kept us smiling among our tears. She has sensed our emotions and haven't mentioned much about her sister. I don't know how to tell her yet.

Due to AMA, we chose to have the Verifi test done at 13wks. All came back good. I did have constant spotting/bleeding due to a SCH (resolved) and then previa. I was also just diagnosed with compound hetero MTHFR (asked for a thrombophilia panel due to strong family history based on genetic counselor recommendation). We obviously don't have any answers yet. I can only hope they do find a reason though.

I go back to work tomorrow. This is where I wish I worked an office job and could lock the door. Instead, I'm a teacher who always has to be on. Im looking forward to the distraction though. Being home just allows me to think.

I've been reading your stories and my heart goes out to all of you. I'm sorry that any of us have to be here.

Xath · March 2014

***ticker warning***

I'm very sorry for your loss, and hope that you find the comfort and support you seek here.

JennyOR30 · March 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I absolutely hate that any parent feels the pain that we do. It's a pain I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Maybe Joleisa · March 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Harper Paige. That is a beautiful name. I wish you strength as you head back to work tomorrow. ((Hugs))

ajsweeton · March 2014

****ticker warning****

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Harper. I love her name. We always hate to welcome new moms to this board, but I hope you find the love and support you need here.

bunnybun4 · March 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Harper. ((hugs))

ikrystal · March 2014

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Everytime I see a new intro on this board, my stomach sinks. It never gets easier to hear about losses. Like pps have said, we hate to welcome people to this board, but you will find support here. My thoughts are with you.

mingaling2 · March 2014

I'm very sorry for your loss.

shandorfml2 · March 2014

I'm sorry for your loss of sweet Harper... ((hugs)) not fair at all.

milb11 · March 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your Harper. That is a beautiful name.

stefuge · March 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss of sweet Harper. ((Hugs))

VyD81 · March 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss of Harper.

LyndseyTS · March 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Harper. I echo the others' thoughts about this board and hope that it will be a source of comfort to you. I, too, am a teacher and haven't gone back myself (Serenity was born sleeping on March 7) and I admire your strength. I don't trust myself to be "there" enough and don't know how I'll handle kids. I'll be thinking of you as you head back.

ETA: I can't spell. After saying I'm a teacher. Gold.

JessicaG220 · March 2014

**siggy warning*

I am so very sorry for your loss. This is a great, supportive community full of women who understand everything you're going through. Be kind to yourself. Time won't take away the pain, but it does help to ease it. Lots of hugs to you.

Noethola · March 2014

***ticker warning***

So very sorry for the loss of your daughter, Harper. I also have MTHFR. If you ever have any questions that I can help out with related to that, please let me know. We are here for you.

OutOfStep81 · March 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a 3.5 yr old son who has also kept DH and I going. Explaining this to him was hard and he still asks why his baby sister isn't here, but overall he's starting to accept it. We simply told him his sister was so special Jesus decided to make her an angel and keep her in heaven.

*hugs*

nohalo21 · March 2014

Losing a child is something I would wish no one would ever have to go through. Reading your stories have brought comfort in knowing that I am not alone through this. It's amazing that my own friends have not been very supportive.

nohalo21 · March 2014

@Noethola‌ I definitely have questions that I will most likely pick your brain about later. Which do you have? I'm waiting for the pathology report before seeing the MFM and then my RE.

nohalo21 · March 2014

@LyndseyTS‌ I had a lot of anxiety the night before going back. I didn't want to face anybody. I teach middle school so my students are quite aware of everything. Thankfully they have been very supportive and welcoming. My coworkers have been tremendous too. Being back has taken my mind off things temporarily. Take as much time as you need. Best of luck when you do go back.

LyndseyTS · March 2014

@nohalo21 Thank you. I'm glad that going back wasn't too hard for you (aside from the anxiety). I'm so glad that your students and coworkers have been supportive. The people around us can really make or break things. You inspired me to go in and volunteer today to "test the waters" (I'm a supply teacher, so I have that luxury, I guess) and I also felt super anxious to the point where I wouldn't go into the building alone. You are not alone. Hoping that work will continue to help you take your mind off things for at least some time.

cmenasco · March 2014

So sorry for your loss of your sweet Harper. Big hugs Mama

nohalo21 · March 2014

@LyndseyTS‌ I wish I could go in when I could. I'm glad I was able to help you get over that hurdle. It's an adjustment for sure going back. If you can ease into it.

I teach middle school and have all my classes in a row. Today my one class was back to their normal antics. After that I was done. I almost cried in class but refused to let it happen. I plan on cracking down on the culprits tomorrow. At that age they should know better.

LyndseyTS · March 2014

@nohalo21 I'm sorry that they only gave you a day of grace. I admire your strength and dedication - but know that it's okay to not be able to handle it. I had to step out a few times to avoid tears. For me, things that were just routine to me now feel extra draining. I will be thinking of you and sending some thoughts and prayers your way as you navigate being back. Don't be too hard on yourself. This stuff is tough. I wish I had more advice for you - I teach kindergarten to grade 6, so middle school is like a foreign country to me (and I admire you for taking them on - even without the added challenging personal circumstances!).

PerkyErky · March 2014

***ticker***

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your daughter Harper. This board has been an amazing source of support. We are here for you as much or as little as you need.

Hugs