too soon (title edit)to be social *ticker warning* — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

too soon (title edit)to be social *ticker warning*

stephy1221stephy1221 member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Photogenic
edited March 2014 in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
So we had gotten tickets for dinner and a show from the in laws for Christmas and the show was tonight. I knew I was not up for it but couldn't let their money go to waste. I tried to make the most of it but fell hour in to mama mia. It wasn't even a sentimental song like "I had a dream" it was "super trooper" but it hit me I will never be the same. The same way I look back on certain things in life and label it "before I was married" I will look back on the person I was before this heart stopped beating.

I just looked at my husband with tears rolling down my cheeks and said "we need to go now"

It was just too soon to be around all of that laughter, so many people and a story of youth. I want to hibernate for a month. Who's with me?
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Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15


Re: too soon (title edit)to be social *ticker warning*

  • ME!!!!!! Totally ME!!!!!! I skipped a bridal shower today, for no good reason. I feel guilty but I just didn't feel like being so cheerful. As I type this I know that sounds so awful and selfish but it's the truth. I also didn't want to be around my mom and bestfriend who have been completely unsupportive. I made up a family obligation on DHs side and skipped. I have been doing that a lot this past month and a half. Am kind of wondering when or IF I will get back to normal.

    I also do the "oh that was when I was 'still' pregnant" a lot when I look back at photos. I even refused to eat at a restaurant the other day because "last time we went there I was still pregnant".

    Sometimes I feel silly for acting the way I am acting. But then I remind myself I MUST do whatever I need to do to avoid triggers and live a happy life, even if it is silly or make a few people mad. 2 miscarriages and 6 months of sadness had gotten me to this point.
  • barelybarely member
    1000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    I know exactly what you mean. I don't feel like this everyday, but I certainly have my days. Yesterday I was so incredibly depressed. DH tried to take me out to cheer me up and I held back tears almost the whole time. Even on my good days, I look at strangers and think "they just have no idea" (even though I have no idea if they been through it, maybe they have, but they still have no idea the pain that lies underneath my facade.) Sometimes I get mad that others can be so happy while I'm so miserable. I know that sounds horrible, but it just doesn't feel fair. Eta: even when I do have a "good" day, I feel guilty about it and feel like I should be miserable.
    TTC since 5/13
    BFP 1/23 
    MMC 3/4
    Currently NTNP
  • Loading the player...
  • I've only ventured to the grocery store and Panera this week. I wanted to punch everyone who got in my way. I couldn't imagine trying to be social and happy yet.

    I go back to work tomorrow. I'm dreading the interaction (I'm a teacher).
  • ***ticker warning***

    I also go back to work tomorrow, and I work for my family. My mom is convinced that I don't need to lay around and mope. Yesterday all I wanted to do was to cry myself to sleep while my house was empty. We share 90 acres with my family, so my mom came over to check on me unannounced.

    She made me get out of bed and come to her house in protest. I'm sure she thinks that this was a big help, and I know it's just because she is worried about me getting depressed... But I can't just sweep this under a rug. Besides, I am still physically recovering. It's hard for me to put on a happy face when my insides still hurt.


    PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
    Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

    PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
    Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
    3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
    D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

    All Welcome


  • @AggieBeth06‌ You definitely need your space and time to grieve. I'm sorry that your mom was less than understanding.

    Are you able to take a few days for yourself? I was going to go back last Monday but thankful that I took the whole week off. I was able to let it all out everyday without worrying about anything.

    Hope today is a better day for you!
  • Add me to the going back to work tomorrow club. I am dreading it, especially the questions I'll get from coworkers. I work with infants, so I'm concerned about how ill do with that.
    TTC since 5/13
    BFP 1/23 
    MMC 3/4
    Currently NTNP
  • Yes, me too!! We can all hibernate together. I'll bring the junk food. Mostly, I'm just numb. It will hit me every now and then and I'll need to cry. I went to work on Friday after taking off on Wednesday and Thursday. Told a client I was out sick and needed to catch up. At 4:00, he sent me an e-mail all in CAPS asking about his work. I wanted so badly to write him back, all in caps, and say DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!!?!!? I left soon after that.

    Married: 9/25/10
    TTC # 1 since 5/2013
    BFP # 1: 2/7/14, mmc 3/12/14, D&C 3/19/14
    Boy, Trisomy 13, Karyotyping and Genetic Testing all normal
    Hysteroscopy and D&C 6/2/14, retained tissue
    Off the bench 7/14
    BFP # 2: 10/3/14, Blighted ovum, D&C 11/12/14
    Girl, no chromosomal abnormalities detected
    RPL Testing: Pre-diabetic, ANA+
    "I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it." - e.e. cummings

  • Good luck to everyone going back to work this week. It can be really tough, but just another step in the healing process. Thinking of you all and sending hugs!
    Me: 41, DH: 42, married 2009
    BFP #1: 12/05/2012; EDD 08/09/2013; MC 01/2013 (missed, D&C)
    BFP #2: 12/19/2013; EDD 08/25/2014; MC 01/2014 (natural)
  • **siggy warning and mention of live children

    See I am different.  I can deal with my emotions during the day better because I have 3 daughters that I have to care for, and I am busy and try to keep my mind off things.  At night, when the kids are in bed, and all I can do is really sit and think, or lay in bed and think...that's when I start to cry.  It has been this way every single night since I started spotting.  
    Mama of 3 earth babies and 1 beautiful angel baby
  • ****waring, living children mentioned*****

    I want to crawl into a cave too.  I took the cytotec yesterday, and although the physical part is over, I'm just a mess.  My mom JUST came over unannounced to bring the girls their Easter gifts, and I was upstairs and just pretended to be asleep :(  My mom is supportive, but I'm just not ready to see anyone but my husband and my girls.  I feel terrible for doing that, but I....just can't right now.  

  • Yes! I've been trying to be social, because I feel like I need to distract myself but then when I'm out I feel like I'm just going through the motions. DH feels the same way. It's slowly getting better, but it's hard to go out and try to have fun when we're feeling this deep sadness. I'm getting together with some of my best friends on Saturday (who have all been super supportive), but one of them is pregnant and due a week after my EDD. This will be the first time I'm seeing her since it all happened, so I'm just really nervous for how I'm going to handle it.
    For SuzyQ
    and all M15 loss moms
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BFP #1 12/31/13, EDD 09/12/14, MMC Discovered 02/20/14 (10w6d) Est. Loss @ 8-9w, MC 02/22/14
    BFP #2 06/25/14, EDD 02/28/15 Grow Baby, Grow!
    It's a BOY!!
    All After a Loss Welcome!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm ready to hibernate!! Please count me in!
    Married my best friend 7/2/11 - Furbaby born 7/9/11 and brought into our home 9/1/11

    BFP#1:   2/2/13 ~ exact m/c date unknown but around 3/20 at 10 weeks ~ diagnosed with PMP ~ D&C on 4/5 ~ TTA for at least 1 year due to PMP ~ cleared to TTC 1/14

    BFP#2:   2/7/14 ~ m/c 2/20/14 ~ possibly due to chemical pregnancy ~ TG no D&C is needed 

    Surprise BFP#3:  4/4/14 ~ super duper extra happy (and nervous) about this one - EDD 12/9/14!!!

    John Joseph was born on 12/12/14 at 7 lbs. 11 oz.  He is the most beautiful rainbow baby we could have wished for!


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