WWYD? - DH flying out for a weekend

Kelsey2me · March 2014

DH had a business trip planned for when I'm 37 weeks. He was going to be visiting an area close to his family, so he was going to stay 2 extra days to celebrate his mothers bday.
This trip got cancelled today, but DH still wants to fly there and see his family for a few days (Fri-Mon) since they got really excited about him coming.
It's the weekend before I hit the 38 week mark and I'm not sure I'm crazy about the idea of him being a plane ride away. We have zero family where we live and a few new sweet acquaintances that gave me their numbers just in case I needed anything.
So ladies, I know there is no way of knowing when I'll go into labor.. I'm a FTM and not HR. I'm just wondering what you would do in my shoes. Would you be okay with your SO flying out for a few days this late in the game?

Ashleypixie · March 2014

I'd be a little annoyed that he'd be ok with leaving, but what are the chances you go into labor that weekend? It'll be a while until he can jump on a plane and see his family and it's sweet that they're excited about seeing him. It's not like he's choosing them over you and doesn't care about you so I wouldn't over react about it. At least it's a shorter visit than originally planned.

BreeShipman · March 2014

I gotta agree I wouldn't be crazy about it even for work but going to a mothers birthday and chancing missing babies actual birth... He would be hearing from me!

cgoldian · March 2014

I agree with vinny. If you had other family with you that would be one thing, but just some new acquaintances? I would not be comfortable and I would think his family would understand if he didn't go.

mrsredmond2011 · March 2014

Maybe if you had other immediate family close maybe I would consider the idea but if you're by yourself I don't think it's a smart idea

LittleLady77 · March 2014

Nope. I would put an end to that ASAP but I don't think there is anyway my highly paranoid first-time dad of a husband would leave me.

reillyea · March 2014

My husband is leaving for the weekend to go
To a dog show about a seven hour drive away! I will be 37 weeks. Im not really worried about it because the plane flight is only about two hours. Given yours is a week closer, but for some reason I am very calm about him going.

Kelsey2me · March 2014

Thanks ladies! He's been super supportive all along and I know he wouldn't go if I said I didn't want him to. My gut reaction was that it's not a good idea, but I wasn't sure if I was just being paranoid. I just hate to be the party pooper now and then end up delivering a week late... But that's life.

seannasmommy16 · March 2014

He's had years of his mother's birthdays. You only get one chance to see your first child be born and not only that but im sure he would just hate his self If he did leave and ended up missing his kids birth. It just seems like a really big risk that I wouldn't take.

KarenEliza · March 2014

I would voice my concerns about the potential of your having your LO all alone but ultimately leave it up to him

avidkeo · March 2014

Kelsey2me said:

DH had a business trip planned for when I'm 37 weeks. He was going to be visiting an area close to his family, so he was going to stay 2 extra days to celebrate his mothers bday. This trip got cancelled today, but DH still wants to fly there and see his family for a few days (Fri-Mon) since they got really excited about him coming. It's the weekend before I hit the 38 week mark and I'm not sure I'm crazy about the idea of him being a plane ride away. We have zero family where we live and a few new sweet acquaintances that gave me their numbers just in case I needed anything. So ladies, I know there is no way of knowing when I'll go into labor.. I'm a FTM and not HR. I'm just wondering what you would do in my shoes. Would you be okay with your SO flying out for a few days this late in the game?

I am in almost the exact situation: DH is going away for a trip for the weekend when I am 38 weeks - its for a Bowls tournament (sport he plays). He planned the trip AGES ago, and at the time I was not worried in the slightest. Now, as we get closer I'm a little anxious. Similar to you, no family here but still support if I need it. DH actually bought it up with me about him going away, I think even he was a little worried about it!

The conversation I had with him was basically remember the average duration of ACTIVE labor is 5-8hrs. Before that you can have a day or more of contractions that are not considered active labor.

I would have hated for DH to miss his tournament for a "Just on case" situation, it could be that I don't go into labor until 41 weeks, and I would feel awful for forcing him to stay home. DH and I agreed that as soon as I start contracting, I will call him, and he will come home. Its a 5 hr drive so he *should* have plenty of time.

Are his family planning on coming for a visit when your LO has arrived? If so, and if you are really uncomfortable with him being away then perhaps have the conversation with DH that because you are likely to see them in a few weeks anyway, you would rather have him nearby just on case.

At the end of the day, discuss it with him, and try to come to an agreement. Good luck, its not an easy situation!

Kelsey2me · March 2014

@avidkeo‌ I'm sorry you have the same situation. His family is coming the first weekend in May to see the baby, so he will get to see them then. I think he just feels really pressured by his family to visit.. They haven't had anyone close to them have a baby recently, so I don't think they totally understand the situation. They asked once if I was coming and I apologetically said that I wouldn't be able to make it. A week later they asked again and offered to pay for it if money was the issue. I finally had to explain that my doc said no flying/traveling long distances after 35 weeks and if I weren't massively pregnant I would make every effort to come.

pigtails1031777 · March 2014

Hell no!!!!
Tell him he can take the chance but he has to deal with the consequences

avidkeo · March 2014

Kelsey2me said:

@avidkeo‌ I'm sorry you have the same situation. His family is coming the first weekend in May to see the baby, so he will get to see them then. I think he just feels really pressured by his family to visit.. They haven't had anyone close to them have a baby recently, so I don't think they totally understand the situation. They asked once if I was coming and I apologetically said that I wouldn't be able to make it. A week later they asked again and offered to pay for it if money was the issue. I finally had to explain that my doc said no flying/traveling long distances after 35 weeks and if I weren't massively pregnant I would make every effort to come.

Man that does sound like a lot of pressure! While I'm not keen on DH being away, there is no way I would go!!!

As I said, really tough situation, and you need to go with your gut. If you really don't want DH to be away you need to tell him that! At 37 weeks, its not just the chance of labor its also the support around the house etc!

What does HE REALLY want to do? You say he wants to go because his family are excited to see him, if its family pressure, and he doesn't want to be away from you then I would take the blame - 37 week pregnant wife is a REALLY good reason to not do something!!!

if you aren't worried too much then let him go - just make sure you hold it over him!

I guess you need to put it to him, and decide yourself, is it worth the risk that he may not be there for your LO's birth, to be with his mother?

*sparky* · March 2014

That is a tough one. I had my first baby at 37.5 weeks so I am a little paranoid at this point. How long of a flight is it? If it's a relatively short flight there is a chance he could get home in time in the event something happens since first labors tend to be longer.

TBH, I really would not love the idea and would try to talk him out of it but he needs to understand there is a chance nothing will happen. Can he buy refundable flights and depending on what your OB says in your appt the week before make the call then? So if there is some dialation or thinning the he stays home, if things are still locked up tight then he is cleared to go? That would not be 100% foolproof either way, but may be somewhat helpful in deciding.

amhah09 · March 2014

I'm selfish and even with a small chance of actual delivery I would be more upset that I'd be so pregnant and miserable and all alone.

flyingmommy · March 2014

My hubby is in school every other weekend 5 1/2 hrs away by car. We have a plan that as soon as my contractions are regular I'll call him and he will either get a flight home or rent a car and drive to me. I'm not anxious at all and our closest family is 4 hrs away (in laws).

Sisimama10 · March 2014

dani+california said:

flyingmommy said:
My hubby is in school every other weekend 5 1/2 hrs away by car. We have a plan that as soon as my contractions are regular I'll call him and he will either get a flight home or rent a car and drive to me. I'm not anxious at all and our closest family is 4 hrs away (in laws).
But that's not a choice, that's school.

Sorry OP but I wouldn't be okay with it either. I'd suggest using the money from the flight to fly his mom to you, or waiting until after the baby was there to go see her.

He can see his mother anytime; missing the birth of his child is kind of a huge deal. Baby aside, it's also bushleague to be leaving you without any support. Being there for you should be just as important as seeing his baby being born-that would not sit well with me. Good luck!

This. Exactly.

buffyjsa · March 2014

My husband and I have talked about this. He was invited for a martial arts seminar 4-5 hour drive away 2 weeks before my due date. Neither of us is comfortable with this, so he turned it down. He has a work seminar about an hour away 3 weeks or so before my date, and I told him to make sure his phone is on, and that I have contact information for where he's going to be in case I need to get ahold of him. As a FTM, I expect he'll have time to get back to me, but having him around for support is invaluable.

Kelsey2me · March 2014

Thank you for the advice! I'll talk to him tonight about the risks and see how he reacts. He wanted me to book his flight today, but that's not going to happen

haziedaze · March 2014

Nope! Esp if it's an airplane dependant trip... you never know if there will be weather problems or booked flights. Nope, nope, nope!

BabyBsMommy · March 2014

Could he book the trip sooner? It may not be the weekend of his mom's birthday but he'd still get to see family...

Sisimama10 · March 2014

No way!!

luvU2theMoon · March 2014

BabyBsMommy said:

Could he book the trip sooner? It may not be the weekend of his mom's birthday but he'd still get to see family...

This. However if he was already planning on going that weekend than i guess i would say he should still go since you expected him to be gone anyways. However being a FTM i would be a little un easy about him being gone too..its scary already being a FTM getting closer to the date so if i were alone i would feel very scared!

ETA: wording errors

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