Sleep training - Failed attempt

eriannc22 · March 2014

So we attempted to let DS cry it out in his crib last night. After two and a half hours of screaming, we threw in the towel and I nursed him to sleep. He has never slept a minute in his crib. We bedshare and he has to be rocked or nursed to sleep. He still wakes up multiple times a night and has no ability to self soothe. I hold him for naps.

No real point to this post. I am just discouraged that last night went badly. My IRL mom friends kind of put a lot of pressure on me, saying I should just let him cry for as long as it takes, up to 3 or 4 hours. Everything is a battle with this little guy.

djm31012 · March 2014

i personally cant do full blown cry it out. i cant believe you made it 2 hours! can you try something modified...like go in and soothe after 10 min, then 15, then 30...something like that? also does he nap in his crib? if not---start with naps and then move to nights. I know its so hard...ugh.

downtown80 · March 2014

CIO is not an easy one-night process. DS was horrible too so I can totally relate. He was the type of kid who would just cry and cry (ok, it was more like screaming). If I went in to try and ssshhh or pat his back, it only made him worse. DH really had to take control because I only made DS more upset. I invested in some good earplugs!

We are about one month out and DS is finally falling asleep on his own. He is waking one a night, but after 10hrs of sleep...so I'm ok with feeding him at that point.

Good luck! Things WILL get better. Give it week before you decide to try a new approach or pause and try again at a later time. ::hugs::

tamarar5 · March 2014

My DD was like this. I'm sorry!

eriannc22 · March 2014

So we did one night a couple nights ago where I went in at 5, 10, and 15 minutes and picked him up and comforted him. At the 15 minute check in he was so enraged when I tried to put him down that I gave up and rocked him. We took a break for a few days.

Last night DH went in at 10 minutes and 15 minutes, didn't pick him up but reassured him, but it seemed to make him worse, so we stopped check ins at that point. DH used to rock him to sleep but lately he only wants me.

I've tried patting him for motn wakings but it never worked.

Thanks ladies. It is really nice to hear from you all. I haven't felt good about CIO which is why we've put it off for so long. I do believe it works great for some babies, who just need to fuss it out for a while before they sleep, but my guy is strong willed to say the least, always has been. I'm not sure what the next step for us is. I've been trying to tell DH we should just take the crib out and put a twin mattress on the floor and try to transition him to that. But he isn't going for it...

Puck1182 · March 2014

@expatmama - We do the same thing if DD wakes up in the middle of the night (still nurse/snuggle to sleep at bedtime though). It's pretty funny, if we stop patting DD's butt too soon, she will let us know by reaching back and patting her own back!

@eriannc22‌ - FWIW, I did something similar with DD. I took the mattress out of her crib, and after I nursed her, I would lie down on the flor next to the mattress and play music while I patted her butt. Like I said above, I do still nurse her to sleep initially, but a week or two of the mattress-on-the-floor routine helped her learn to fall back to sleep on her own with little or no intervention from me or DH. At least as long as her gums aren't bothering her. Then it's a whole 'nother story. She was wanting to nurse constantly yesterday and wanted nothing to do with her crib at night, so I ended up giving in and let her stay in bed with me, since at least she slept through the night that way. I have been lucky in that regard though - I have been able to make exceptions here and there when it's evident she's in pain, and she will go back to sleeping in her crib without a problem when her gums stop hurting. That may be more difficult to get away with for initial sleep training, but I do think your mattress idea is worth a try, coming from another mom of a baby who fought CIO tooth and nail when we had to try it a second time.

eriannc22 · March 2014

Here is our nap situation. Lap naps!

Puck1182 · March 2014

Aww... Well at least naps are super adorable! ;-)

Puck1182 · March 2014

DC2London said:
Some kids burn off steam through crying. For those kids, a few minutes of crying will drain their energy and they will then go to sleep. For other kids, being upset leads to crying, continue crying leads to more being upset which leads to escalated crying. These are the kids who will scream for hours, vomit, and would rather peel off their own eyelids than give in and go to sleep.
My DS1 was one of the latter.
Even with that, he did learn to go to sleep on his own. It was hell for a week, but then he became a fantastic sleeper. You may just have to keep at it. Maybe removing the bedsharing AND the nursing to sleep all at once is too much for him. Maybe you need to try to address one or the other at a time....?

This is my DD to a tee. She'd cry so hard it actually scared me, and I would have to go in and get her for her own safety. And even then, she'd be so worked up that she took quite awhile to calm down. She has a very distinct "manipulative" cry/pout, even from early on, and this was so not it.

If you don't mind my asking, how did you go about sleep training with your DS1? I'm hoping that once DD is a little older and able to fully understand what's going on, I'll be able to nurse her first (if she hasn't weaned by then, right now I'm leaving that up to her), then put her in her crib, read a couple of books, sing a couple of songs, and let her drift off. Right now books happen first and I play music while she nurses and we snuggle, so I'm hoping that keeping all the same elements an just switching the order will make it a smooth(ish) transition.

cinnasugar · March 2014

DC2London said: Maybe removing the bedsharing AND the nursing to sleep all at once is too much for him. Maybe you need to try to address one or the other at a time....?

This was my thought. Pick which one you want to solve more quickly and start on that. For me, I'd try getting them into their own bed first because the nursing to sleep might work itself out once they are in their own bed.

kbates85 · March 2014

I just wanted to say that I totally agree with the other mommas. That's a lot of transitioning all at once. When we sleep trained we had already stopped co-sleeping and night feedings. I would definitely try one thing at a time.

PhieryBFly · March 2014

Here is a link to some gentle sleep resources. Maybe one of these would work better. https://evolutionaryparenting.com/gentle-sleep-resources/

eriannc22 · March 2014

Thanks ladies. Yes I've tried nursing/rocking him to sleep then putting him in his crib and he wakes up every. Single. Time. I even bought one of those lambskins and put it underneath a crib sheet to make it softer. White noise, heating pad, etc. tried it. Tonight I tried laying in the crib with him but with my back turned so he couldn't nurse. No luck.

I agree @verovladamir‌ it's possible he's just not ready. Guess DH is sleeping on the couch indefinitely....

Puck1182 · March 2014

verovladamir said:
Have you tried one of those little aquarium things? I kid you not they are amazing! DS would wake up, push the button and go back to sleep. It was awesome.

If you nurse him and lay him down awake he still screams? That happened with DS. I nursed him to sleep and if he woke up anywhere during the process we had to start over.

DD has one of those! She doesn't usually turn it on in the middle of the night, but she often turns it on in the morning or after a nap. Sometimes she goes back to sleep for a bit, but at the very least it buys us an extra 15-20 minutes while she hangs out in her crib and stares at it. I definitely recommend it too. :-)

light52 · March 2014

I think our kids must be twins because I can relate to every single part of your story. In fact, I'm typing this as DS is asleep in my lap. He gave up the pacifier at 6 months and the bottle at 8 months. We've tried every blanket, animal, noise machine, etc we can find to get him attached to something. All he wants is my boob. He would even hold it at night if I let him but that is extremely uncomfortable so we fight about that some nights. We did CIO for 3 hours when I finally caved. Our last sleep training we kept at it for 5 nights. By the last night he was waking every 30 minutes. I couldn't take the lack of sleep any longer. We decided to wait a bit longer and try again and if that doesn't work we will put his mattress on the floor and sleep next to him until he gets the hang of it.

carriesu2003 · March 2014

Oh no, don't be discouraged! You are doing great. I'm sure it is going to take some time since LO is so attached to you. He is going to put up more of a fight than the average kid since you have bedshared etc. I would suggest you keep at it. Maybe give it an hour instead of 2 and then go in. I really think eventually he will learn to put himself down. Also, do it with naps too and it will speed up the whole process.

Just my two cents. DD was not sleeping through the night and really hard to put down up till 11 months. I decided I just couldn't take it anymore and we sleep trained. I honestly feel like I have my sanity back. You have no idea what it feels like to put your child down for the night and know you are done for the day. Keep at it, its life changing.

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