Vent: Are you better? You should adopt...

GymSpaz26 · March 2014

As I was leaving a church activity the other day I was stopped by a woman who was in my Bible Study group while I was pregnant. This is a woman who is very loving, but somewhat mentally disabled. She has the mental capacities maybe of a pre-teen. So I know that I should be able to write-off the things she said to me, because she truly doesn't know better and it is not her fault, but it hurt and I can't seem to get it out of my head.

First, she asked me how I was, to which I said a quick good as I tried to continue out to the car. Then she asked me if I was better now. As in, over it. No, I'm not better now and never will be in that sense. (Of course I didn't say that. I tried to just agree and continue toward the car.) But then she started talking to me about how I should adopt. Have I thought about adoption? You should think about it. You should adopt. ...and on and on and on... Literally as I walked away and got in the car 20 feet away, she was still telling me I should adopt. That it would fix everything.

One, my baby didn't die because of some problem in pregnancy. I hope and pray that I will be able to have more healthy pregnancies in the future. Second, how, HOW, would adopting right now fix the fact that I lost my son the first morning home from the hospital? The funny thing is that my husband and I would love to adopt children from the foster care system in the future. But not now. And not to fix this. It just doesn't work that way.

I just needed to get this out. Needed to vent a bit. My husband has rightly encouraged me to not stress out about it, she doesn't know better... But still, the words go round and round in my mind.

MCH77 · March 2014

((Hugs))

I understand. Yesterday I was invited to a baby shower for one of our teachers by a life skill student. I had to say no multiple times. I know he was just trying to be nice, but I should be preparing for my child. It hurt.

Do your best to avoid her if possible.

Noethola · March 2014

***ticker***

I am so very sorry. People say a lot of dumb things. Some know better and some dont. Doesnt make it any easier to hear. ((Hugs))

kflynn81 · March 2014

I'm so sorry .... that would ping around in my brain as well. Having a battle with infertility to get pregnant in the first place I've heard that a lot. Adoption isn't easy or a guarantee nor does it make the empty feeling of missing your child go away either. ((hugs))

shandorfml2 · March 2014

People say dumb things sometimes. (((Hugs))))

kz's_girlygirl · March 2014

I'm so sorry

I've been hearing that for years because of our infertility issues , and after Jesse died it hurt even more. Nothing will "fix" the fact that our babies are gone from us , and most times, people just don't get it

veetveet · March 2014

I was told the other day that I could borrow one of my bffs twin babies when she has them.... you know if I have the urge.

I honestly wonder if something is wrong with her... bc why the eff would you say that to someone who delievered her dead baby 3 weeks ago.

I am.sorry for what was said to you.

VyD81 · March 2014

I'm sorry. People tell me to adopt too and sometimes I just want to punch them in the throat. Adoption is a personal choice that people make and it's wonderful, it's not something you say to a mom that just lost her baby. Avoid her if you can, I made the choice to stay away from a lot of people who are rude since I lost my son.

erinel · March 2014

I'm sorry. It's hard, because you are right, she probably doesn't know better, but that doesn't make it sting any less.

weddedwife · March 2014

Yikes. I'm sorry you had to endure that. Sometimes it doesn't matter who said it, or what spirit the words were said in, once we've heard them we can't un-hear them. I've had uncomfortable things said to me by random people in passing, and although they shouldn't matter I just can't forget them.

stefuge · March 2014

weddedwife said:
Sometimes it doesn't matter who said it, or what spirit the words were said in, once we've heard them we can't un-hear them.

This. So true.

Jellybean71514 · March 2014

People keep telling me I will have more babies- he was my first and no matter if I have more or not it does NOT replace him or make this go away- I understand your pain I try to look past the words and know they just don't know what else to say to me since losing my little boy a week ago today.

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