Blended Families
VedaFlash
member
Options
Teenager
VedaFlash
member
I had posted a little while back about needing help with my teen daughter wanting to live with her dad full time. We made some changes and moved the days around so she is there a little more now but I'm still wanting to keep things 50/50. I told her I want her here one more day to even things out and she doesn't want to because she feels she is here enough already. Things in our house have changed for the better. She has even agreed. I talk with her about things more and tell her she can talk to me about anything. I suggested she talk to someone, like a counselor, to help her with communicating, home life, social life, anything and everything. She is completely against it. I was too, when my mom suggested it when I was exactly her age. But she forced me to go, and I only went the one time. I hated it and just told the therapist all the right things to say so I wouldn't have to come back. So on one hand I can understand, on the other hand, should I force it like my mom did? I don't know if that would do any good...
Then there's the family trip we have planned for the summer. We don't do these very often because of money. We can only plan this one because it is to see DH's family who lives out of state. His grandmother is old and ill so this may be last time seeing her. All of DH's family lives out of state. My daughter says she does not want to go be uncomfortable around a bunch of strangers. She has met them before, once or twice, about as much as I have met them. Once again, I get it but.... I am in a weird place with her. I want to still enforce things, as a parent, but I also want to consider her feelings. Do I make her go or not?
@wendilea! You are the one that comes to mind because of your experience with teen-aged girls! Any words of wisdom? Also, do teens have a switch that flips because she used to be different up until becoming a teen. And how do you not go completely insane?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Teenager
As for the trip...If you well be staying in a hotel and doing pretty of activities not centered around DH's family (make it a vacation instead of sitting with an old lady she doesn't know and being fussed over by people she doesn't know), then I would make her go. If this is seriously just a family visit to spend as much time as possible with DH's sick grandmother before she does, then I would not force her. Also, are you staying in a hotel our being hosted by family? A hotel might be more comfortable, as well.
I don't have teenagers yet, but my view is coming from someone who has quite a bit if social anxiety.
My mom forced me to go to counseling just before I turned 18, and I hated her for it until I actually went. It was the best thing she ever did for me. But I was spiraling out of control (mentally and emotionally, not behaviorally). I would strongly encourage her to go, but would not force the matter if she is improving and seems to be adjusting well. You don't want to push her so much that she thinks there must something wrong with her. But if she gets to a point where you don't think she is coping well, it wouldn't hurt to make her go.
Sounds to me like she us doing just fine and just going through some typical teenage phases.
I'm with Ambrvan. If it's just one day...let it be.
I tried to get my former step daughter into counseling and it did absolutely no good. However, that doesn't mean it can't help your daughter. Why again do you want her to go? If she doesn't have serious emotional issues and extreme behavior other than just being mad at you...I'd leave it be.
As far as your time - if it's your time...she should go. However, I suggest you and her go do a bunch of stuff together. You don't have to sit around with an elderly sick woman. DH can. You and your daughter should go do fun stuff together. And again, I agree with Ambrvan - get a hotel room.