too soon (title edit)to be social ticker warning

stephy1221 · March 2014

So we had gotten tickets for dinner and a show from the in laws for Christmas and the show was tonight. I knew I was not up for it but couldn't let their money go to waste. I tried to make the most of it but fell apart...an hour in to mama mia. It wasn't even a sentimental song like "I had a dream" it was "super trooper" but it hit me I will never be the same. The same way I look back on certain things in life and label it "before I was married" I will look back on the person I was before this heart stopped beating.

I just looked at my husband with tears rolling down my cheeks and said "we need to go now"

It was just too soon to be around all of that laughter, so many people and a story of youth. I want to hibernate for a month. Who's with me?

Maxsmommy123112 · March 2014

ME!!!!!! Totally ME!!!!!! I skipped a bridal shower today, for no good reason. I feel guilty but I just didn't feel like being so cheerful. As I type this I know that sounds so awful and selfish but it's the truth. I also didn't want to be around my mom and bestfriend who have been completely unsupportive. I made up a family obligation on DHs side and skipped. I have been doing that a lot this past month and a half. Am kind of wondering when or IF I will get back to normal.

I also do the "oh that was when I was 'still' pregnant" a lot when I look back at photos. I even refused to eat at a restaurant the other day because "last time we went there I was still pregnant".

Sometimes I feel silly for acting the way I am acting. But then I remind myself I MUST do whatever I need to do to avoid triggers and live a happy life, even if it is silly or make a few people mad. 2 miscarriages and 6 months of sadness had gotten me to this point.

barely · March 2014

I know exactly what you mean. I don't feel like this everyday, but I certainly have my days. Yesterday I was so incredibly depressed. DH tried to take me out to cheer me up and I held back tears almost the whole time. Even on my good days, I look at strangers and think "they just have no idea" (even though I have no idea if they been through it, maybe they have, but they still have no idea the pain that lies underneath my facade.) Sometimes I get mad that others can be so happy while I'm so miserable. I know that sounds horrible, but it just doesn't feel fair. Eta: even when I do have a "good" day, I feel guilty about it and feel like I should be miserable.

nohalo21 · March 2014

I've only ventured to the grocery store and Panera this week. I wanted to punch everyone who got in my way. I couldn't imagine trying to be social and happy yet.

I go back to work tomorrow. I'm dreading the interaction (I'm a teacher).

AggieBeth06 · March 2014

***ticker warning***

I also go back to work tomorrow, and I work for my family. My mom is convinced that I don't need to lay around and mope. Yesterday all I wanted to do was to cry myself to sleep while my house was empty. We share 90 acres with my family, so my mom came over to check on me unannounced.

She made me get out of bed and come to her house in protest. I'm sure she thinks that this was a big help, and I know it's just because she is worried about me getting depressed... But I can't just sweep this under a rug. Besides, I am still physically recovering. It's hard for me to put on a happy face when my insides still hurt.

nohalo21 · March 2014

@AggieBeth06‌ You definitely need your space and time to grieve. I'm sorry that your mom was less than understanding.

Are you able to take a few days for yourself? I was going to go back last Monday but thankful that I took the whole week off. I was able to let it all out everyday without worrying about anything.

Hope today is a better day for you!

barely · March 2014

Add me to the going back to work tomorrow club. I am dreading it, especially the questions I'll get from coworkers. I work with infants, so I'm concerned about how ill do with that.

dandb925 · March 2014

Yes, me too!! We can all hibernate together. I'll bring the junk food. Mostly, I'm just numb. It will hit me every now and then and I'll need to cry. I went to work on Friday after taking off on Wednesday and Thursday. Told a client I was out sick and needed to catch up. At 4:00, he sent me an e-mail all in CAPS asking about his work. I wanted so badly to write him back, all in caps, and say DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!!?!!? I left soon after that.

gabbagal · March 2014

Good luck to everyone going back to work this week. It can be really tough, but just another step in the healing process. Thinking of you all and sending hugs!

HopeNotLost · March 2014

**siggy warning and mention of live children

See I am different. I can deal with my emotions during the day better because I have 3 daughters that I have to care for, and I am busy and try to keep my mind off things. At night, when the kids are in bed, and all I can do is really sit and think, or lay in bed and think...that's when I start to cry. It has been this way every single night since I started spotting.

JoeysLady · March 2014

****waring, living children mentioned*****

I want to crawl into a cave too. I took the cytotec yesterday, and although the physical part is over, I'm just a mess. My mom JUST came over unannounced to bring the girls their Easter gifts, and I was upstairs and just pretended to be asleep

My mom is supportive, but I'm just not ready to see anyone but my husband and my girls. I feel terrible for doing that, but I....just can't right now.

akleng · March 2014

Yes! I've been trying to be social, because I feel like I need to distract myself but then when I'm out I feel like I'm just going through the motions. DH feels the same way. It's slowly getting better, but it's hard to go out and try to have fun when we're feeling this deep sadness. I'm getting together with some of my best friends on Saturday (who have all been super supportive), but one of them is pregnant and due a week after my EDD. This will be the first time I'm seeing her since it all happened, so I'm just really nervous for how I'm going to handle it.