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chemical pregnancy...not sure how to feel

mrssl3813mrssl3813 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Hello ladies, I got a BFP on Jan 26th, yesterday I had cramps and bleeding. I took another digital test that night and it was BFN. I called my MD this morning and they said to come in and see him, I told him what happened and he told me I was having a chemical pregnancy. To confirm it they did a quantitative HCG and it was quite low. I came home and told DH (he is the only one I shared this with, I hadn't even posted it on any boards here yet) and he said well we can try again next month. I was ok when I was talking with the doc but now...I feel strange. Like mad, or cheated. It seems like a really unfair joke. After supper I was tearful and DH gets it but...not really. I explained I feel not so much grieving (which then makes me feel guilty like I should be more sad) but more mad. His question then was, mad at who. Now I am just an emotional puddle of frustration/anger/guilt. Did anyone else experience this kind of emotion? It feels so wrong...
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Re: chemical pregnancy...not sure how to feel

  • Maxsmommy123112Maxsmommy123112 member
    My situation was different but I think the excitement of seeing a positive test and knowing that you are pregnant and then to have that suddenly taken away, I can understand how you would have those emotions. Those emotions are very similier to what I've felt after both miscarriages, 6 and 10 weeks.

    It's awful wether you're 1 month pregnant or more. I get it. Just hang in there. The good news is that you avoided any procedures such as the D&C and you can also probably try again soon - depending on what your doctor says. I KNOW it's hard but try to look at the positives. That's really all you can do to give yourself a little peace. I'm desperately looking for positives in my situation as well.

    Hang in there!
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  • aezimmermanaezimmerman member
    It is okay to feel mad. Anger is actually part of the grief process. You lost something you really wanted, and that just plain sucks. Don't feel guilty.
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  • EveryusernameistakenEveryusernameistaken member
    edited February 2014
    Lurker here, hope it's ok that I post.
    I'm very sorry for your loss (and it is absolutely a loss). Just wanted to let you know I felt the exact same way when I had a cp in November. I was going to have a baby in July, and now I'm not. That baby was real to me even though I was only aware of it for a week. I was sad and pissed off and disappointed and I felt cheated too.

    Don't feel bad about how you are feeling. Any and all of your feelings are valid. Big hugs.

    eta, my h also said "we'll try again" and it bothered me....I wanted THAT baby.


     

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  • mrssl3813mrssl3813 member
    Thanks for all your supportive thoughts. Glad to hear that I am not the only one who was not just sad but also mad.  
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  • mrssl3813mrssl3813 member
    Thank you @3purpleroses sorry for your loss as well. It sure is a tilde wave of emotions. The nurse from my doctors office called today to check in. I was so happy to talk with her, I thought that was a very supportive gesture. I shared with her my feelings and she suggested I take a month off to gather my feelings and then next time not test early. I am thinking I will take her advice.
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  • ej1234ej1234 member
    In the same boat girls.  BFP saturday and sunday with brown spotting since the BFP on saturday.  Went to doc yesterday and HCG of 5.  They think a cp.  Now I'm just waiting on AF to start despite all of this brown spotting.

    Feeling down, frustrated, angry, sad, anxious etc.  Like you @3purpleroses, I'm going to wait a long time to test.  The roller coaster of emotion that occurred in a 3 day time span was quite overwhelming.  

    Did you girls have any luck this month?
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  • mrssl3813mrssl3813 member
    Sorry for your loss ej. No luck for me so far. Its amazing the emotion that can happen in such a short time.
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  • JCM285JCM285 member
    I'm so sorry for your loss and you are right that men just don't understand in the same way. My DH was really upset after our m/c because he had gotten excited over time. I m/ced at 10 1/2 weeks but didn't find out until the 12 week appointment. He was less upset and more angry this time around. Both times I was absolutely devastated. I also think that women are innately more emotional than men. Even if he doesn't show it, DH is dealing with his grief in his own quiet way. ::hugs::
    Married my best friend 7/2/11 - Furbaby born 7/9/11 and brought into our home 9/1/11

    BFP#1:   2/2/13 ~ exact m/c date unknown but around 3/20 at 10 weeks ~ diagnosed with PMP ~ D&C on 4/5 ~ TTA for at least 1 year due to PMP ~ cleared to TTC 1/14

    BFP#2:   2/7/14 ~ m/c 2/20/14 ~ possibly due to chemical pregnancy ~ TG no D&C is needed 

    Surprise BFP#3:  4/4/14 ~ super duper extra happy (and nervous) about this one - EDD 12/9/14!!!

    John Joseph was born on 12/12/14 at 7 lbs. 11 oz.  He is the most beautiful rainbow baby we could have wished for!


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