Gender Neutral Parenting

firstcomeslove2013 · March 2014

Hello! It seems as though there are several folks on this board who plan on raising their children with some form of gender neutrality. Would anyone be interested in a check in of some sort for this? This could be a periodic thing or a weekly thing with discussion questions or just a place to chat about struggles or celebrations.

Thoughts?

doodah1013 · March 2014

Duh... I want to!

healz413 · March 2014

yes, I'd be interested in sharing ideas, challenges, and questions with other folks.

Some friends of ours are referring to their intended parenting style as "gender open parenting." I like that.
(I started typing a lot more and then realized that that would be the type of conversation to have in a check-in, not in this post).

Jazibel · March 2014

Great idea @firstcomelove2013!!

redrockmama · March 2014

I would be!

ATXmommas · March 2014

I don't know that I will have enough to contribute on a weekly basis, but I would be interested in hearing what others have to say. We aren't completely neutral - he has a gendered name and wears gendered clothing - but I truly want to open up all sorts of opportunities and experiences to him. I think I could learn a lot here.

trisholiosboi · March 2014

I would love to discuss and share ideas.

firstcomeslove2013 · March 2014

I'm glad to see so much interest in this topic! @healz413‌ I love the term "gender open parenting"...I'll start a check-in/discussion on Wednesday (seems to be a slower day) and we'll see what we can come up with!

Manada · March 2014

I think, because I was around and witnessed the thick of the "Baby Storm" media frenzy around the local family here who didn't reveal the assigned sex of their baby --- I feel like "Gender Neutral Parenting" (and all the discourse around it) - doesn't really fit my own beliefs... but I like Gender Open, Gender Creative or even Gender Radical parenting a lot as terms

No big surprise, because H. is my love, and I love her and her ideals - but I think we are headed in a gender open/creative direction ourselves. For me it is a fine balance between wanting to allow our children the freedom to explore, create and live gender in any ways they want to -- but also not wanting capital-G Gender to be the most important thing in our lives, and something we have to discuss/defend/negotiate with people everywhere we go.

For me that means that we will have a variety of colours in our kids' wardrobes, a variety of outfits and things in their dress-up boxes and toy boxes, and when they're old enough to choose clothing, a few assorted gender/fancy things that just innocuously are amongst their clothes so that they can feel okay about wearing them if that's what they want. We also work to not overly gender language, and change things like "boys and girls" in stories to "kids" to try to create a world where our kids can just naturally have language which includes our trans and gender-queer friends.

I'm not too big into frilly things, or pink (as a red-head) too much myself, so we are actually having to remind ourselves to incorporate these things as well --- but I sense our kiddos will probably, much like us, live in jeans/overalls and t-shirts throughout most of their childhoods anyway.

firstcomeslove2013 · March 2014

@Manada‌ I think you bring up some really interesting points. I hope you'll contribute to the discussions! :-)

wishiwaspreggo · March 2014

I like the idea of gender-open style parenting. I'll never be the parent who tells her kid "This toy is for girls/boys so you need to pick a different toy." But I'll also never try to guide them towards neutrality if their gender aligns with their sex. If my daughter is hyper-feminine, that's who she is and I'll go with it. If my son is a total dude, then I'll go with that, too.

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