Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Dixon813
member
Re: PgAL Check In
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Down to the last three p17 shots. On my last "bi weekly" appt before I start weekly appts - so crazy! In two weeks, if labor starts, no stopping!!
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Just general uncomfortableness...especially at night (or any time I'm in the same position for too long). Lots of heartburn, especially at night...but I'll take it if it means a healthy growing babe!
QOTW: Will you be using items - clothes, blankets, furniture, etc. - you had for your angel baby(ies) for your rainbow baby(ies)? We barely had anything for the triplets - a couple onesies and teddy bears, that was it. I did keep them and I haven't pulled them out for this baby. My mom got the trips matching "My First Christmas" sleepers, that are theirs and are with their memory boxes.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I'm loving the way this baby dances around all the time (even though it can be uncomfortable ) but I'm also really ready for he/she to be here and in my arms!
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Next appt in two weeks and im so nervous.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? My breasts are still sore and chicken still grosses Me out.
QOTW: Will you be using items - clothes, blankets, furniture, etc. - you had for your angel baby(ies) for your rainbow?
No, I do however have stuff from when ds and dd were born . I don't want to buy anything yet.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
I feel like I'm in a dream world like losing Emily wasn't real and this pregnancy isn't real.
How far along are you? 39 weeks 3 days
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? No more appts, just induction on Tuesday!
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? My crotch hurts so bad! When I am sitting I'm fine, but those initial few steps when I first get up and walk around, and lifting my legs up to put pants on are torture. I think maybe some pelvic bones are misaligned or something.
QOTW: Will you be using items - clothes, blankets, furniture, etc. - you had for your angel baby(ies) for your rainbow baby(ies)? Not much, as we didn't have a whole lot for Kayla yet when we lost her. But we do have a few outfits my MIL had bought that we'll use, and my SIL bought an Owl stuffed animal off Kayla's registry before our loss, and gave it to us for Boo at our shower. I like the idea of using some of her sister's things, but also having her own.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm having a baby this week! I'm so excited, but scared, anxious, and just plain emotional. Even though we're well passed our loss milestone and the reason we lost Kayla, I am scared of everything even things that didn't previously happen to us. I just can't wait to hold her in my arms and see that she's ok. It's also tough being the same month, and just one week before we lost Kayla. Lots of deja vu going on. My husband is doing a 5K right now, the same one he did the very week before our loss, so I am thrilled that he didn't think I should go since I am feeling so uncomfortable. Being there would have been too hard.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? I'm being seen at least once a week now. I go into my MFM for another growth scan on Monday and see my regular OB on Wednesday. Went in for steroid injections last week, and ended up checking into the hospital for a few house because I was contracting at 2 minutes apart. This week they're going to bring up the possibility of going on bed rest, depending on how things go.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? More frequent contractions now, and I'm keeping a close eye on that. I'm also feeling the exhaustion and sleeplessness setting in.
QOTW: Will you be using items - clothes, blankets, furniture, etc. - you had for your angel baby(ies) for your rainbow baby(ies)? Yes. Ellie was going to use a lot of things from DS1, so many of DS2's items would have been double-hand-me-downs anyway. I had bought several things for her that we'll use for DS2: her crib bedding set and some cloth diapers pop to mind.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Feeling a bit overwhelmed with the possibility of going on bed rest, but willing to do whatever it takes to keep the baby safe. I have a lot of things to wrap up at work before I go and want to get a lot done around the house. But I realize that things would be fine even if I had to drop everything at this moment, so I'm trying to relax.
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
first son stillborn 7/20/13 at 39 weeks due to Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy
It's a girl! Baby Anna was born August 3, 2014!
@aragosta, I can relate to this too. Since day one we have called this baby Boo, partly because I was afraid to get attached to another name we loved, in case something happened. But also partly because on the rare occasion I do call this LO by her name, my first instinct is to call her Kayla (our angel). I also have a fear, that since this one is a girl too, that part of me will heal (too much) once she's here, and replacing Kayla is one of my biggest fears.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?
I start NSTs today I have another MFM appt next Monday.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions?
I've been desperate for jalapeño garlic tilapia from Johnny Carino's. I finally got some and it was amazing!
QOTW: Will you be using items - clothes, blankets, furniture, etc. - you had for your angel baby(ies) for your rainbow baby(ies)?
I'll be using a blanket my mom made for Elliott and Ryland. We put parts of the blanket with them in the casket so it'll be like having something of theirs with Oliver and Caroline. We didn't have much for Elliott and Ryland, I did get rid of the matching outfits we'd bought or been given, but I'll use the other things we had for them.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
We went into L&D this weekend because my BP was high. We had the same nurse that was with us when Elliott and Ryland were born. It hit us very hard. DH really struggled with it as well. It just brought back all the memories of what we went through. She was wonderful to us then and this weekend, but we just weren't prepared for that on top of losing DHs grandmother this week and my BP being high.
Ava's Story
BFP#2 10/18/13 Blighted ovum 11/25/13
BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!