Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
schulme2
member
Re: Faith Friday
Sometimes. Sometimes I am hopeful for the future and sometimes I'm still just really angry at God. I know that He's there and He cares, but it just still seems so unfair sometimes.
What do you hope for and what gives you hope?
I hope that there can really be a new normal. I don't think that Serenity would want us to let her loss leave us sad forever. I don't think she'd want us to forget her, but I don't think she'd want us to let it destroy us, either. Hope that we can someday find a balance there.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
She's still gone. It sounds stupid, but part of me just hoped I could will her back, or argue enough with God that things would change. I actually shouted a request that he send me back in time. It sounds absolutely ridiculous right now, but in the moment it just made sense. I guess coming to terms with it is a good thing in the process.
After reading this, I hope I'm not bringing you mommas down. I do trust God and know that we can come through this, but today was not a great day and I'm not in a good place, at least for now. I'm sure that there are good days to come and don't let me get you down.
I have actually done similar - on a particularly rough night I was begging God to just give him back. That I knew it was impossible, but why not? ((Hugs))
I do feel like I am more and more hopeful. Hopeful for what this next year holds, hopeful for the future for our family.
What do you hope for and what gives you hope?
I hope we can be happy again. MH said to me this week that as much as Colton wouldn't want us to forget him, he also wouldn't want us to be sad forever. That God doesn't want this to destroy us and ruin our lives, but rather that we should grow stronger from this and live our lives. Truly and fully live. That's what I want.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
I am anxious about getting too hopeful, actually. We are talking about buying a house, and getting more sure that we are going to try for another baby, and I feel anxious that these dreams will all be crushed as well. I trust God, but I have also learned that our plans do not always go as we think. I'm afraid to want and plan for these things too much.
@stefuge : hoping all goes well with the house hunting and starting a ttc journey again sometime soon.
Do you have hope now? Some days I'm so hopeful but then I feel stupid for even hoping. Like it doesn't matter what I want anyways.
What do you hope for and what gives you hope?
I hope for a future filled with love for Mary and honoring her memory in a positive way. I hope for a baby brother or sister for Walt & Mary. I hope that this TTC journey is easier than my first try. I just hope that I can learn to create a place for this pain and live a more positive life, a life that I always used to live.
No not particularly- feeling more lost than hopeful but I can say I'm trying.
What do you hope for and what gives you hope?
I'm trying to hope for my heart to feel lighter as time goes on, for the sun to shine again and that I gain acceptance eventually. My fiancé gives me hope, he has been trying to stay so positive for both of us and sometimes I feel guilty I can't do the same for him and that I'm bringing him down.
Any new struggles/revelations this week?
Today is one week since I lost my little boy. My fiancé and I went to see the movie 'Son of God' last night and I cried- I cried because I am angry with God but want so much to have hope and believe my son is in a safe place now with The Lord even if I feel I wasn't able to protect and keep him safe here. I'm struggling to find hope and see positive things ahead but getting in the shower every day has been a start at best for now.
I apologize if bringing anyone down on this post... today was just a hard day for me knowing it's been a week today since this all happened.
@stefuge and @schulme2 This makes me feel a little bit better. I feel like a nutcase admitting some of this stuff (even online). I first begged God to give her back, but that didn’t happen, so I asked for at least a little more time. Still didn’t happen (obviously). I’m sorry that you’ve experienced the same. It’s pretty crappy.
@stefuge I also can understand not wanting to be too hopeful. I feel like we have to live in some weird sense of balance with a firsthand understanding of tragedy and that trusting God really, truly, doesn’t mean that “everything will work out” (the way we want it to). I’ve known that in the past, but it really just makes it so incredibly real. I will be thinking of you while you are TTC and house hunting. We just bought a car (which seems like a small deal), but that’s something to be “excited” about.
@Jellybean71514 I really relate to feeling like you’re bringing your fiancé down. I am so used to being the upbeat, bubbly, optimistic one in our relationship and I’m just not feeling it. I don’t even talk near as much as I used to. I think it’s been stressful, but I’m grateful that it seems we both have men in our lives who have stepped up to the challenge. It does get better, slowly. I have still cried everyday, but I’ve had a few “okay” moments as well. They say that time will continue to make it easier, even if it doesn’t heal everything. Thinking of you.
What do you hope for and what gives you hope? I am hopeful for the opportunity to have another baby someday in the future and to have the chance to love and raise that baby. I am also hopeful for the day that I will some day see my precious boy again in heaven. I am also hopeful for the day where I will be to a place that I will be able to bless and love on other women who are going through hard things like this. I know that God is using this in my heart to make me more able to love and serve others in the future. Even though it is hard and it sucks and I do not believe that God caused my son's death, I know that He is a good God and that he can redeem this pain and suffering and use it for good in the future.
Any new struggles/revelations this week? Just realizing that this is a long process and that it is totally normal to feel like I'm making some progress and moving forward slowly, and then to suddenly feel like I'm back to square one again.... it's normal... sigh...