Baby doesn't want to be held?

Codypup · March 2014

Paging @tyrannosauruslex for this question! TLex I know you're big on baby holding, so I'm curious what you think of this situation. LO is 6.5 weeks old.

So, for a few days now, I have noticed that my LO seems to prefer being left alone rather than be in my arms. She loves to just lay on her back with her pacifier, staring off into space, or kicking and wiggling around.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have a little more freedom to do things without a baby in my arms...but it also makes me kind of sad, like she doesn't NEED me or want me. Is this just a phase? It's not like she freaks out if I do hold her, but being held for too long seems to stimulate her. Overall, she seems most content when she's all spread-eagle sprawled out, flat on her back, sucking away on her paci and zoning out.

Also, it's pretty clear that she prefers being flat as opposed to propped up in her swing or on the boppy.

Anyone else have a baby like this? Or do I have a strange mutant child who suddenly doesn't need me?

I feel like I'm not holding her enough, but it's what she seems to want.

MamaHollywood27 · March 2014

Awe! Don't feel bad! Probably just likes to stretch out and wiggle around

I'm waiting for my LOs stretch of independence, I can count on my hand the total hours I haven't had my LO in my arms, sling, or wrap. Mostly cuz I'm used to functioning w one hand. It will all work out I promise

dunvilles · March 2014

First of all, remember that she does need you... for everything! Also, you hold her more than you realize between feeding her, soothing, burping, diaper changes etc.

My son also prefers to lay flat. He also wants to be held more or less depending on the day. No rhyme or reason.

Don't stress yourself out too much about this.

Codypup · March 2014

STUCK in the box! I'll bold my answers @tyrannosauruslex.

TyrannosaurusLex said:

Curious question! What makes you think she's over stimulated/unhappy when she's being held?
Specific behaviours you can elaborate on?
She moves around a whole lot more, accidentally spits out her pacifier, and then gets agitated because she lost the paci. I wouldn't necessarily say she's unhappy...just more wiggly/less calm and will cry more quickly. (When she's on her own and loses her paci, she doesn't freak out -- in fact, sometimes she'll just suck her own hands and be totally content. But when she's held, she immediately cries until that paci is back in her mouth!)

She also falls asleep much faster on her own. (At least during the day, that is. Bedtime is a whole different ball game.) She can be tired as heck during the day, but not fall asleep until I leave her to her own devices.

Do you breastfeed/still possibly smell like milk if you ff? Sometimes the smell of milk can make babies wild with agitation when hanging out on mama's chest.
Yes, she's breast fed -- your suggestion makes sense.

Do you baby wear? Does she like being held more if you're walking around vs relaxing?
Interesting question!
She's totally content being worn, but only if I'm moving around. We ran errands today and I wore her for over an hour -- she was awake and calm for the first part, and then eventually dozed off. If I'm sitting still, she starts moving around and fussing.

I guess I just worry that I'm not...nurturing her enough? I guess? But I also don't want to force anything.

Codypup · March 2014

@mamahollywood27 @dunvilles -- thank you for your words of reassurance!

@bribbon - I like your pedi's explanation! It just makes me feel a little sad, and like she's growing up too quickly!

BB0214 · March 2014

I've got another independent LO. She loves to lay in her crib and watch her mobile. She also loves to spend time in her swing and bouncy chair. I prefer to think of her as independent and curious. But she knows I'm there and lets me know when she needs something.

slwprincess · March 2014

My first was like this too (almost from day 1), my second hit this phase probably around 6 weeks. Until then she wanted to be held constantly but then suddenly, she was content in the swing/bouncy/crib. So I'm going with developmental. This one has just started letting me put her down in the crib or bouncy during her awake periods (almost 5 wks). She only lasts 15-20 min max but it's nice to get those little breaks b/c otherwise she wants to be held or worn or swaddled at all times!

pinkgrl84 · March 2014

This sounds just like my LO! Her favorite thing is to be on the floor on her back on her play mat. She also loves tummy time but can get fussy quickly when held. She does sometimes love a long cuddle which makes me happy. She is not a huge fan of her swing unless she is sleepy. I am glad I am not the only one who has an independent LO :-)

cksmith29 · March 2014

I have one who loves to lay flat and watch stuff. Not all the time, but lots of the time she prefers this. It's super weird to me to lay a fussy baby down and talk to her rather than carry and bounce her.

cksmith29 · March 2014

Oh, another reassurance for you... My 13 yo preferred to be independent once we got through her colicky phase. It always made me feel bad, but she was happy and well adjusted. But, about a year ago she became very affectionate and almost clingy. She'll even hug me in public in front of friends. She may be a late bloomer, but it's no less special at 13 years old than it is at 3 weeks old

RedSoxGirl10 · March 2014

I have an independent baby too and my mom said I was this way

I hold him a lot anyway just because he takes almost an hour to breastfeed each time, and then burping etc. He likes to use my husband as a jungle gym ha ha, but definitely with me he is less impressed with being held and I think it is because I smell like milk. He is much happier hanging out in his rock n play. I totally planned on baby wearing him like crazy but he is usually not impressed when I try to do this (although he will do the Ergo for walks around the neighborhood).

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