When to interfere and when to let it happen?

malcivar · March 2014

We took the boys to the playground last weekend and it was great. Our littlest one decided he loves slides and Chris had fun running around and climbing and sliding. A little boy tried to engage him, even tried to do whatever it was Chris was doing (playing with branches at the time) but when Chris didn't engage him back, he went off to play somewhere else. Then things took a downturn. Some older kids showed up at the playground (up to this point, it was most kids 6 and under) - they were about maybe 10 and apparently just learned how to cuss the day prior. Oh the stuff coming out of their mouths and as luck would have it, they took over the equipment Chris and some other kids were using.

Chris climbed up to the top and wanted to slide down but one of the kids was just hanging out there and being all loud and rowdy with his buddies. Chris is quietly waiting his turn, like he'd been doing with the other kids prior and he's just looking at the older kid who then proceeds to start "I'm not playing with you. I'm not playing with you." And Chris is just staring at him - still waiting his turn. Finally the kid moved and Chris took his turn and then us, like a bunch of other parents started gathering our kids because it was time to go home. Suddenly the playground wasn't fun anymore.

So my question - both things happened while DH was with Chris and I was with the little one. I was there for part of the thing with the big kids but I was tending to Luc. When DH was telling me about the boy getting in Chris's face, I didn't say anything but my thought was 'why didn't he get Chris out of there sooner?' When I have the conversation with him (in my head) I imagine him saying that we can't interfere always and we have to let him work things out by himself and part of me agrees but the other part, the uber protective part sorta balks.

What do you think? Was he right to let it happen and only remove him when it became clear that he wasn't safe around these kids anymore? I think maybe he was but my heart still hurts.

Thoughts.

malcivar · March 2014

This was before the older kids arrived.

Princess_Lily · March 2014

I would of said something to the effect of, "He just wants to get by to slide. Thank you."

I tend to step in with larger age gaps.

malcivar · March 2014

Spooko said:

Why do you say he wasn't safe anymore? I guess my gut is that when there's that big of an age gap, if step in even if it was just minor taunting like that but if they were closer in age I would hold off. So yes, in that situation I would have said something to the older kid.

When I say 'rowdy' they were roughhousing - pushing each other down the slide, swinging off the top bar. One of them almost kicked a little girl in the head as he was swinging off the bottom of an uneven bridge part of the equipment. When it was clear these kids had taken over, pretty much every parent of a smaller child using that particular equipment made a beeline to retrieve their kid.

The mom of one of them (the 'ringleader' was off to the side with her own little one on a swing. I kind of felt for her. I could judge her but I have no idea what this kid's issues might be if any.

d.f · March 2014

I'm pretty non-confrontational, in the past I probably would have grabbed DS and left. These days I'm becoming more and more assertive. I might say something like, hey becareful of the littles, or I would model "excuse me, I'd like to go down the slide" for DS in their hearing.

MaxandRuby · March 2014

It would have depended on my mood and what exactly I was seeing them doing if I would have said anything. More then likely I would have said something though, because I have done so in the past. For the slide thing I would have gotten the attention of the one blocking my child's way and something to the effect of "My son is waiting to go down the slide. Would you mind moving out of the way for a sec so he can go down?". There is always the side of me that would just get my kid and go though. Again, it all depends on my mood and how much of a potential confrontation I feel like dealing with (if it escalates to dealing with the parent of the roudy kid for instance).

macchiatto · March 2014

Spooko said:

I'm from a small town so maybe this is different than elsewhere but I would be less worried about what the other mom was doing (unless she was handling things on her own) and I would have no issue saying something to the other kid. Maybe along the lines of excuse me that language is unacceptable or please be careful. You may not realize this but when you play that roughly you almost hurt lo. He is trying to use the slide so if you want to rough house please play in x spot.

Same here. This is evolving as they get older but I agree that when there's an age/size gap or just a kid being too rough, I have no problem stepping in and politely, assertively saying something. That way I can also help model assertiveness for my boys.

hopanka · March 2014

I used to not say anything. My son has taught me to be more assertive because he is very uncertain and timid. I already know from experience that he would never get a turn otherwise. Kids can sense his weakness and walk all over him. So, I tend to interfere quite a bit. If for nothing else, I model assertivness for him as well as letting him know I have his back. He is very sensitive, assumes the last place as his and then is sad about it.

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