I'm almost 5 months pregnant (will be 20 weeks in 2 days) and My in laws have been non-existent during my whole pregnancy. My parents and his parents live in the same town less than 20 minutes away. I always thought we had a cordial relationship with both sets of parents. My hubby and I both are moving we need a bigger place, therefore packing, at the top of working long hours, house hunting every other night with the realtor, finding a house, closing on the house, moving/life in transition between 2 places basically going through a major life change. The only people who have maintained a relationship with us is my parents and my siblings. Not only have my parents called me every 3 days since they found out I'm expecting, brought me food, took us in for 3 weeks between our move to our new home when we didnt close on time, cooked dinner every night before I have a chance to come home from work, never complained or took our money when we offered, and in return gave my husband and I moral support.
In the 5 months, my inlaws on the other hand, only called my hubby twice to celebrate my FIL birthday, and one family event. When we did meet up with them on those 2 events. My MIL scolded me on little things, and I asked her if she was going to help with the baby shower, as no one is planning it, should my parents plan it? she never answered. I told my husband that if they cannot be concerned with me or our child, he will need to have a talk with them to be more involved because they are not even doing the bare minimum. I need advice if this is normal that inlaws are not involved. I don't want to hold any expectations from anyone but I'm appauled my parents are going above and beyond and his parents could care less. Its unfortunate. It would be really insulting to me if they decide to get involved after 9 months of my pregnancy which tells me they don't care for me, but just treat me like a uterus for their grandchild. I just want you ladies to keep me honest if this is ok behavior.
Re: Need Your advice on In-laws involvement?
That said, I don't have any expectations from my parents regarding my pregnancy either. I know that they are excited, but this is my and my husband's child, and we don't expect help from anyone.
Honestly, I think it is crossing the line to insist your inlaws get involved in your pregnancy. They can choose their own level if involvement, and do you really want to force someone to be involved? I've also never heard of asking someone to throw you a baby shower, regardless of if they are family or not. Seems a little rude to me.
Basically, I think you should just let it go. Don't let them take any of the joy out of your pregnancy because they are choosing to be uninvolved, but also don't hold this against them either. They may just not feel connected to the baby until he/she is born.
If they've always acted like this (pre- pregnancy) you can't expect them to act any differently now. Maybe they assume that you and your husband don't want/need help with the move and everything it entailed.
If this is new behavior I would have hurt feelings. As PP mentioned, maybe try to make a point to include them. My ILs are stand off-ish sometimes (usually when they're feeling left out) so we make a point of taking to them (or attempting to) once a week. Sometimes my husband will call, sometimes I'll text his mom, doesn't have to be drawn out or fancy.
ETA: added some
Baby Boy due October 2017
However, they have lives of their own. We got for periods of time with no contact. They're both retired now and enjoying it.
As great as they have been to me (H and I lived with them for a month when we were buying a new house 4 years ago), they're not constantly in our lives.
Each relationship is different. You can't expect significant changes in other people's lives just because you're experiencing significant changes in yours.
It does sound like they'll be wonderful grandparents once baby is here, if you give them the chance.
Giving us more details about how they treat SILs sheds some light on your issue with them.
I think it's always hard when family members aren't treated equally.
Baby Boy due October 2017
Believe me, I know. My husband's sister couldn't care less. She has not even said "congratulations" to us. I'm not exaggerating! I've gotten upset about it, but then I remind myself that she's always been awful. So it's no surprise.
Hey ladies, thanks for your comments. I know that I'm not suppose to throw my own baby shower, or never demanded my MIL to throw me one. Its a gift I know. The topic came up because my hubby brought up that my sister would be coming to town in May and it would be ideal time to have the baby sower. MIL asked me who was throwing the baby shower, and I told her no one has offered, should my mom throw it? and she never answered. I guess that comment about my mom just came out of my mouth because naturally she is a lot more involved. I dont why I said it, it seemed natural at the time. My MIL silence spoke for her response.
Thanks Toratoratori! please no apologies, I will stay strong and my ILs hopefully will come around. One can only hope!
Thanks for the advice, i appreciate it!
Thank you so much for your advice and I should have included my SIL in the backstory. I just wanted to know if it was an ok behavior for my parents to be involved, and his parents to be dormant. I always had a good relationship with my in laws but it was because I included them in our lives, dinners, birthdays, hangouts, but when I stopped they stopped. I cannot be the one to initiate first everytime, there should be give and take. Thanks for your advice and I will try to accept it for what it is but i'm certainly not going out of my way.
Thanks for the advice. I wished my ILs could even do the bare minimum for me, a phone call would be nice, but I will lower my expectations.
no worries, dogperson, thank you so much for your advice!
Gosh, stressful life, and life change combined with hormones, aint that the truth!! Thanks for your advice. I will take your advice and count my blessings for my wonderful parents to being involved, they definitely have restored my faith in humanity
My ILs were very much involved in my SILs pregnancies so it thought it would be the same being involved in mine. Shame on me for assuming.
BFP 4/4/12 CP 4/10/12
9/20/2013 Came home with our little miracle from the Philippines
11/26/2013 Surprise!!! BFP!

Thank you so much beachbum! I should count my blessings for the good people in my life and not focus on others who dont want to be involved.