Loss Check-in

shandorfml2 · March 2014

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

shandorfml2 · March 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Yes...the day after Ana's birthday, we packed up her clothes. This was big. I always planned on moving them when we got preg. if it was a boy. However, a friend pointed out I need to make room for my rainbow. So, we did. I think it helped emotionally as well, and I feel much more like we're waiting for our 2nd child as opposed to a baby to replace Ana.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Hmm. Continue to be healthy, get back walking and lose weight
QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day? Nope

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I want spring time! We just got a major snow storm..boo.

Jellybean71514 · March 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
We buried my son yesterday which now puts us on the path to grieve and get used to a new normal.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
To finish work on our new house and make a fresh start. My plan is to take care of my health and sort out what I want to do for work.

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day?
Nope.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
How to cope.

jonahsma · March 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Nothing new this week.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? I want to start spring cleaning, and I want to Decorate my room.

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day? I think im going to bake clover cookies..

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Where would I be if not for HIS grace?

angelsnight · March 2014

ticker warning and rainbow mentioned

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I bought Kayla her angelversary card this week, so it's the first thing I've done toward planning for the day. It was hard, most cards didn't apply since they are obviously talking about a living child. It made me sad and angry that I couldn't get a card for my daughter that said what a beautiful smile she has, or what a joy it is to hear her laugh since I'll never hear or see those things. But I ended up with a card I really like, and a bonus, it's one of those completely covered in plastic so we can leave it at the cemetery for a few days and not be ruined by rain or snow.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm being induced with my rainbow next week, and I'm pretty nervous about being back in the same hospital, same type of L&D room almost a year to the day. I'm nervous the deja vu will be a lot to deal with, on top of being in pain and discomfort.

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day? No, not a big fan of it.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Just thinking of the timeline of when things happened last year and how they're happening this year. Last year in honor of "food on a stick day" my office had a potluck with all foods on a stick, and I remember a random thought I had last year was that I was missing the potluck since I took six weeks off after my loss. Last week I got an email about doing the potluck again this year, and I'll be off on maternity leave. Just a lot of deja vu this month.

JessicaG220 · March 2014

**siggy**

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Nothing new. Just remembering my sweet girl.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My next goal is to get to the cemetery and put up spring decorations for Ava.

QOTW:
Have any plans for St. Patty's day? No. Never been big on celebrating since I'm not Irish.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Thinking of Ava a lot. I know logically I'm not replacing Ava with this baby, but a friend had her baby girl and she sent me a pic and it hurt more than I was expecting to see her. It reminded me of what I'll never have with Ava. Even if I have a dozen children, she will never be here with me. That's tough to bear most days.

Maybe Joleisa · March 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? It has been a very rough week. DH was at a conference, so most nights were spent crying myself to sleep. Not just any crying--the type of crying that leaves you gasping for a breath. Well, AF arrived this morning (48 days post-loss--hooray!!) so perhaps that had something to do with my emotional week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Same goal as last week--try to take better care of myself. I've exercised a few times and I've stepped away from the Thin Mints, but I can do better.

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day? No plans. My maiden name is Irish, so St. Patty's day has always been a big flair/celebration "holiday", but the thought of having fun seems...not right quite yet.

What is on your mind this week? This is probably a step towards healing, as well, but I'll be headed to NJ on Thursday for my TAC (transabdominal cerclage) on Friday. My MFMs would like to see me fail a TVC before undergoing this major abdominal surgery, but they can kiss my ass. The pain of not having my boys FAR FAR outweighs any pain surgery could cause. I would've hung upside down by my pinky toenail to keep those boys inside for a few more weeks/months.

kflynn81 · March 2014

@maybe joleisa good job on stepping away from the Thin Mints. I don't think I could do that

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I've thrown myself into fundraising mode for the Preeclampsia 5k that my husband and I are doing in May. So far I'm only $50 away from my goal and its still 2 months away!!

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Trying to get in cardio shape enough to run the whole 5K. I've always wanted to be able to complete a 5k running and I'd really like to do it. Although, MH is telling me I should walk it because his Mom and some of our team mates won't be running. Despite telling him over, and over, and over, and over that I have wanted to run this thing since I was the only team member. They want to walk? They can walk it. I'm running.

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day? No not really.... I'm Irish too, I'm a disgraceful Irishwoman LOL

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm just really frustrated with trying to get back into another FET. I was supposed to have a hysteroscopy yesterday but I had a positive urine pregnancy test. They ran blood and it was 7.1 but since it was over their standard 5.0 they called it positive and cancelled the procedure. Now, I have to go back Monday for repeat bloodwork and reschedule the procedure. I was having it to determine if there was retained tissue in the first place....wouldn't a beta of freakin' 7.1 be a good determination that its probably likely!!! So mad....everything is a set back nothing goes right. I'm just really irritated about everything.

Bgirma · March 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I had lunch with my friend who also had her baby on Christmas. I've missed her a lot but have been feeling so anxious about seeing her. She's such a good friend and I didn't want to feel anger or frustration or jealousy towards her but I just told myself that however I felt was fine and I can't avoid her forever. I was nervous up until the minute she came over but I am so glad that I saw her. We sat together for over 3 hours and talked and cried and hugged, it was draining but so necessary. She talked about how her and her husband have thought about things they can do to honor Wesley's life and our friendship. And about how they want to talk to their son about Wesley when he gets older. It meant a lot to me. I'm just so sad that our sons don't get to grow up together.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I'm still working on my fitness goals- running and Pilates. I'm still going to counseling. My next goal is to reqch out to a friend that really hurt my feelings a few weeks ago.

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day?
No plans. I'm actually in Boston for work for the week (my first trip after our loss) and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'll probably spend all my non working time in the hotel.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm back to desperately wanting to be pregnant again but am also nervous that I'll forget about our son or he won't be as important to me if I get pregnant again. I know that it's irrational but I think about it constantly.

LyndseyTS · March 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Day by day - we picked out an urn for Serenity and it should come in next week. Now we are trying to find something to engrave with her information. We (DH and I) went to the mall today to see what we could find, which was so draining and frustrating, but probably a step in the right direction.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I'm going to try to get out of the house alone. It stresses me out to be outside (even on my porch for crying out loud) without DH or a super close friend. I'm going to try to go to book club on Monday night with some ladies. Here's hoping.

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day?
Nope. To be honest, I've lost any zest for "holidays" right now. I'm sure it will come back, but I'm just not there. Regular days are enough for now.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Still just feel like I'm walking in a fog. Amazed at the range of emotions I'm capable of. One day I'll be "fine" (and really feel mostly okay, all things considered) and others I will be mad at the world or just cry virtually all day. It's frustrating and I sort of wish for some sort of constant. I also feel like the most unproductive person on the planet. It doesn't help that my DH likes to keep busy to help deal with things because then I feel like I'm letting him down by being in bed all day. Also grateful for each of you on this board.

shandorfml2 · March 2014

aragosta said:

.....siggy warning.....

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I don't especially feel like it. I've had some nightmares that I keep telling myself aren't predictions for the future. I guess that's something.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I really don't. I keep trying to just get through one day at a time.

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day?
I'm a DD for my DH and friends while they drink at a local pub.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
My emotions are just off the charts. I am crying daily and I've not been at that point in a while. I'm trying to enjoy being pregnant but I have slipped in my mind and thought of this baby as "Lucas" several times and that really messes with me.

((hugs))) sweetie

dadalou · March 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I got the book I made for my DD in the mail yesterday. I showed it to my Dr. at my 6 week check up today. I also went for a walk with DD today and was able to enjoy the warmish day with her.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I have been cleared to exercise so I want to start that soon. I feel pretty good and I want to get the baby weight off so that when we want to start TTC I am at a healthy weight and in an exercise routine.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? As much as I do not like being pregnant I want to be pregnant as soon as I can. I was told today that we should wait until 5 months at the earliest which was a month earlier than I was told previously. That is still about 4 months away.

GymSpaz26 · March 2014

Little slow here... It has been quite the week(s). I think I've been too overwhelmed to even be able to sort through my thoughts enough to write anything...

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I'm having a hard time thinking of anything specifically. I think it has just been a week or two weeks of just taking teeny tiny baby steps to try and deal with life as it hits me every day. I have somewhat successfully been trying to eat a little better. I doing pretty well until I got so overwhelmed that the chicken nuggets in the freezer became the norm again...

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I desperately need to get caught up on some bills and taxes and things. I'm truly overwhelmed by these things, but I really need to get myself caught up and organized this week.

QOTW: Have any plans for St. Patty's day? Nope

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week This has just been a truly overwhelming couple of weeks with totally unrelated issues and problems that have come our way. I've been totally overwhelmed in general, but emotionally as well. And then I've just been hit with what feels like a whole new wave of grief, just when I'd started to feel like I was standing on solid ground again.

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