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Crappy Sister venting Sesh :(

cweiss04cweiss04 member
in May 2014 Moms
morning ladies.....I just need to vent or see if anyone else can relate to sucky family members......you see me and my sister used to be best of friends...she moved to California about4 yrs ago and started to change as a person in general and as of lately when she found out I was pregnant our relationship has grown even more distant.....she blames it on her new job and boyfriend but I think she is just becoming more of a selfish person and doesn't really care about me or her soon to be nephew....my baby shower was last week and she decided last minute she couldn't make it and told me to not get so mad "its just a Party" well needless to say I blew my shit.......thanks to facebook I found out the real reason she didn't make it she went on a bday cruise with friends for one of her friends birthdays....when the reason she told me she couldn't make my shower was due to not being able to get off work.....im so beyond pissed off that I keep writing her a shitty text message and then I delete it....shes not the most pleasant person to get in an argument with so im trying to be the bigger person here since I am older but its real hard....im hoping getting this off my shoulders to you ladies will help ease my mind but as of right now im pretty irate...anyone else out there have crappy family members that are proving to be even crappier family members now.....

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Re: Crappy Sister venting Sesh :(

  • rainydayluckrainydayluck member
    I don't know, it sounds like she's doing what people typically do when they start a new relationship. Maybe she really is busy with a new job and boyfriend. No one will ever be as excited about your baby as you and your husband are, so don't expect her to be excited just cause you are.

    Personally, I'd if it was between a cruise or baby shower, I'd do the cruise. Sucks that she lied, but would you have been cool with it?

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  • motoLynmotoLyn member
    Also how far would she travel to get to your shower?  It does suck that she expressed it as "get over it, its just a party" a little more tact on her behalf would have helped.  But a cruise does sound more tempting than a baby shower.  Though if she promised to come and bailed I would be disappointed as well, but I let it go.  You admit that you see her changing for what you think is the worse.  No surprise that she did what she did right?  I'm sure there were a lot of people who came to your shower, who were genuinely happy to be there.  Focus on them.
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  • cweiss04cweiss04 member

    yeah I guess you ladies are right....I think im also ultra sensitive right now with all these hormones....but your right I should just focus on all the great people who did come and were happy to be there....its just sad to me that she is changing for the worst and I just have to sit back and watch....its just a few years ago she was so different.....I guess even though she is changing for the worst I still had high hopes for her and was looking forward to having her there with me....

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  • cweiss04cweiss04 member

     

    Jules51814 said:
    rainydayluck said:
    I don't know, it sounds like she's doing what people typically do when they start a new relationship. Maybe she really is busy with a new job and boyfriend. No one will ever be as excited about your baby as you and your husband are, so don't expect her to be excited just cause you are. Personally, I'd if it was between a cruise or baby shower, I'd do the cruise. Sucks that she lied, but would you have been cool with it?

    you'd skip your own sister's baby shower for a birthday booze cruise?

    am i the only one who thinks the OP's sister was being really selfish and that the OP has every right to be upset?

    my sister and i are very close, but she is 9 years younger than me. i'm sure there are lots of things a 23-year-old would rather do than plan or be at my baby shower, but i can't even IMAGINE her skipping it because she found something more fun to do. that's pretty awful, IMO.  

    @cweiss04, i'd be just as upset as you are.

    Thank you Jules.....im glad im not the only one that would be as upset....i was trying to chalk it off to my pregnancy hormones but yeah there is about a 7 yr age difference from us but we were still super close....we come from a divorced family and all we had were each other growing up so I took her not being there pretty hard.....esepcfially because of her comments and how cold she was about it all......I would of given up anything to be there for her shower or anything....I almost got fired from my job last year to fly out to cali to see her graduate from college but I told her I wouldn't miss it for the world...

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  • cbrustcbrust member
    I can relate. My sister is 7 years older, not married, no kids. She is insanely jealous of me (gosh that sounds horrible when I say it like that, but it's true) and she literally cried when she found out I was pregnant. She just can't be happy for me and we've grown farther apart because of it. I think the saying, "you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends," is really true in cases like this. We used to be really close growing up, but now that we have nothing in common, live in two different states and are in different places in our lives we just don't get along. I've come to the realization that it's okay that my sister and I don't have a great relationship. 

    She is pulling the same that as your sister OP, she told me she can't fly out to see me/the baby in May because she can't get off work. I saw on facebook recently that she's planning a trip to go visit old friends the first week of June. I was more hurt that she felt like she had to lie to me about why she wasn't coming, then her actually choosing not to come. I think she was trying not to hurt my feelings, but instead made the situation worse than had she just been upfront about it. 
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  • ksyknelvr73ksyknelvr73 member

    I can relate, OP. My sister is 4 years younger than me and we used to be best friends. She has changed a lot the last 3.5 years or so and not for the better. I try so hard to salvage our relationship, or what's left of it, but she seems so uninterested. When I was pregnant with my first child, she did the same kind of stuff your sister is doing. I had ALWAYS pictured my sister being heavily involved as the aunt of my child/ren and it hurts quite a bit that she isn't. Three of my best friends hosted a shower for me and reached out to my sister NUMEROUS times to get her address/info so they could inivte her and she flat out ignored them. It was like a week before my shower when I finally said something to her about it and she told me she never got their messages. My friends showed me the messages they sent her - via facebook and text. She just lied to me. No real reason. That hurt more than anything. Her life and whatever she is interested in are more important to her than anything else.

    I will say that she does at least ACT like she loves my son to pieces (when she does manage to see him), but she is nowhere near as involved as I would have wanted.

    Oh, and with this pregnancy, she has barely acknowledged I'm pregnant at all.

    So, I'm just sorry OP. But like another PP said, focus on those who are excited for you and who will be a part of this child's life. It is hard to do b/c it's your SISTER and you can't help but want her involved, but you definitely can't force it.

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  • cweiss04cweiss04 member
    cbrust said:
    I can relate. My sister is 7 years older, not married, no kids. She is insanely jealous of me (gosh that sounds horrible when I say it like that, but it's true) and she literally cried when she found out I was pregnant. She just can't be happy for me and we've grown farther apart because of it. I think the saying, "you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends," is really true in cases like this. We used to be really close growing up, but now that we have nothing in common, live in two different states and are in different places in our lives we just don't get along. I've come to the realization that it's okay that my sister and I don't have a great relationship. 

    She is pulling the same that as your sister OP, she told me she can't fly out to see me/the baby in May because she can't get off work. I saw on facebook recently that she's planning a trip to go visit old friends the first week of June. I was more hurt that she felt like she had to lie to me about why she wasn't coming, then her actually choosing not to come. I think she was trying not to hurt my feelings, but instead made the situation worse than had she just been upfront about it. 
    oh wow your story sounds just like my situation......its reassuring knowing im not the only one going through this....yeah iv come to the realization it will never be the like it used to be with her and that we are at very different stages in our lives so.....thank you for sharing your story with me.....

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  • rainydayluckrainydayluck member
    edited March 2014
    Jules51814 said:


    rainydayluck said:

    I don't know, it sounds like she's doing what people typically do when they start a new relationship. Maybe she really is busy with a new job and boyfriend. No one will ever be as excited about your baby as you and your husband are, so don't expect her to be excited just cause you are. Personally, I'd if it was between a cruise or baby shower, I'd do the cruise. Sucks that she lied, but would you have been cool with it?

    you'd skip your own sister's baby shower for a birthday booze cruise?

    am i the only one who thinks the OP's sister was being really selfish and that the OP has every right to be upset?

    my sister and i are very close, but she is 9 years younger than me. i'm sure there are lots of things a 23-year-old would rather do than plan or be at my baby shower, but i can't even IMAGINE her skipping it because she found something more fun to do. that's pretty awful, IMO.  

    @cweiss04, i'd be just as upset as you are.

    Edited to say: END QUOTE

    I didn't see where it was a booze cruise. A week long cruise vs. an out of state shower. Yeah, I'd do the cruise. Then again, I'm not obsessed with things like showers. I had no family at my shower with DD. It's not like she skipped a wedding or not meeting the baby. She skipped the gift grabby party.

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  • oscarwaooscarwao member
    1.) I'm usually not uptight about grammar, but you may want to write shorter sentences. All the run-ons and fused sentences are kind of difficult to read, IMO. 

    2.) That was sucky of your sister and I'm sorry. Personally, I would say cut ties with someone who is so crappy to you. My ties with my own sister have been cut, and while it breaks my heart it is also a necessary evil IMO. 
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  • Mrs.BmathMrs.Bmath member
    I think you have every right to be upset. My sister is 4 year younger than me, and acts the same way. we were always very close till around when I had my 1st baby. At first she was really excited about him and loved to hold him. then she slowly started to change. She became really superficial and stopped showing interest in him. By my second baby she wouldn't even hold him because she didn't want him to spit up on her....she would come over and literally pat him on the head and ignore him. We have had many arguments about this. Now she tries to show interest in my boys and my pregnancy, but it just seems fake. It still bothers me but I try to accept that for whatever reason she changed, and is at a different stage in her life. It still hurts because I know of she was pregnant or had babies I would be so excited for her and be there all the time. I just have to accept her for who she is and try not to be mad.
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  • cweiss04cweiss04 member

    thanks ladies for taking the time to write here......im glad to see that other woman would be pissed too or have had similar situations.....im still very much burned by it.  It is what it is and I unfortunately may just need to lower my expectations of her and just prepare to have her in my sons life very little.....im still really struggling by not saying something again to her but I think it will just stir up the pot and accomplish nothing more then just ugly words said to one another.....

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  • MimalooMimaloo member
    aimee223 said:
    rainydayluck said:
    I don't know, it sounds like she's doing what people typically do when they start a new relationship. Maybe she really is busy with a new job and boyfriend. No one will ever be as excited about your baby as you and your husband are, so don't expect her to be excited just cause you are. Personally, I'd if it was between a cruise or baby shower, I'd do the cruise. Sucks that she lied, but would you have been cool with it?

    you'd skip your own sister's baby shower for a birthday booze cruise?

    am i the only one who thinks the OP's sister was being really selfish and that the OP has every right to be upset?

    my sister and i are very close, but she is 9 years younger than me. i'm sure there are lots of things a 23-year-old would rather do than plan or be at my baby shower, but i can't even IMAGINE her skipping it because she found something more fun to do. that's pretty awful, IMO.  

    @cweiss04, i'd be just as upset as you are.

    Edited to say: END QUOTE I didn't see where it was a booze cruise. A week long cruise vs. an out of state shower. Yeah, I'd do the cruise. Then again, I'm not obsessed with things like showers. I had no family at my shower with DD. It's not like she skipped a wedding or not meeting the baby. She skipped the gift grabby party.
    "She skipped the gift grabby party"? Really? do you have a sister? I would never skip a shower for one of my sisters. They don't have kids yet, but I would not have even thought for one second when they got married saying "oh, I know sam's bridal shower is that weekend but I'm gonna go on this birthday cruise instead because its just a gift grabby party. She'll be cool with it." No. Way.
    I agree with all of this and I don't even have sisters. 

    Also, OP said her sister backed out at the last minute so I can't see that it was a planned in advance cruise which makes her a shitty sister. 

     
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  • hfooterhfooter member
    Um I'd be pissed and I would let my sister know. I think you have every right to be upset especially if you were very close. My sister and I are best friends, so if she did something like that I would be livid and let her know.

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  • talkthewholetimetalkthewholetime member
    That's not how a sister behaves, at least not in any family I'd like to be a part of. You have every right to be mad, and let her know how she made you feel. You don't skip your sister's shower, for any reason. Especially lying about it.
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  • jfletcher3113jfletcher3113 member

    I don't see where it says "week-long cruise" or "booze cruise". I see "B-day cruise". Does that mean one day? Or a weekend? A week? 

    Did she have to travel far to come to your shower? Is it possible she could take off for the birthday cruise but couldn't take off several days to attend your shower?

    I'm just asking because I think those factors really impact the situation. If she lives 30 minutes away and skips your shower for a friend's party, I would be completely upset.

    If she lives three states away and missed your shower because she couldn't get there (work, expense, whatever) but just so happened to be able to attend a friend's party that was local for her, I'd say to let it go.

    Whatever the case, I did think her comment about it being "just a party" was bitchy and I'm sorry, in general, that your relationship is strained. I would try not to stress about it though and treat her with the same respect (or lack thereof) she treats you with. That's how I generally like to handle things. 


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  • cweiss04cweiss04 member

    thank you again ladies for responding it makes me feel better I wasn't overreacting and how you all see my side....

    the cruise she went on was a weekend thing and she would have had to have taken off the same amount of time she would of to have gone to my shower......I knew she knew about this cruise at the time of my shower because she had the nerve to ask me if I could make my shower the weekend after due to this bday getaway.....I never in a million years thought she would back out last minute to blow me off for her friends but I was wrong.....I decided to not even say anything back to her....im trying to keep things positive on my side and focus on this baby and the people around me who actually give a shit......although when I see her in person im pretty sure it will be written all over my face as to how I feel....I decided saying something to her will just make me more angry and stressed because I know she will have a very poor reaction to my words...

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  • pandadairpandadair member
    Jules51814 said:
    rainydayluck said:
    I don't know, it sounds like she's doing what people typically do when they start a new relationship. Maybe she really is busy with a new job and boyfriend. No one will ever be as excited about your baby as you and your husband are, so don't expect her to be excited just cause you are. Personally, I'd if it was between a cruise or baby shower, I'd do the cruise. Sucks that she lied, but would you have been cool with it?

    you'd skip your own sister's baby shower for a birthday booze cruise?

    am i the only one who thinks the OP's sister was being really selfish and that the OP has every right to be upset?

    my sister and i are very close, but she is 9 years younger than me. i'm sure there are lots of things a 23-year-old would rather do than plan or be at my baby shower, but i can't even IMAGINE her skipping it because she found something more fun to do. that's pretty awful, IMO.  

    @cweiss04, i'd be just as upset as you are.

    Just want to echo Jules. The fact that my sister and I would be throwing each others' showers aside, I would never skip out on my sister's shower. She's engaged right now and I even feel bad that I can't be there (4 hr drive) to help with all the stuff with which she helped me. True, no one will ever be as excited about your baby as you are, but immediate family generally tends to give a few shits. Sometimes I even feel like my sister and BIL are more excited than I am.
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