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Difficult Funeral Tonight (Child Loss Mentioned) - Need Opinions

kimmyberly26kimmyberly26 member
in Pregnant after a Loss

*******CHILD LOSS MENTIONED BELOW*********************************************







A co-worker of mine grandson died this week.  He was born at 24 weeks and just passed a few months after his second birthday.  This was a close co-worker so I feel that I need to go to the calling hours to support him.  I feel it would be very inappropriate for me to give my sympathies to the child's mother and father given that there is no way that I can hide my pregnancy.  I was thinking of either waiting outside and having one of my co-workers let him know that I am outside but then I don't want to take him away from his family.  I was also thinking of maybe taking a jacket, holding it infront of myself and just standing as far away as I can.

What are your thoughts?  I just sucks that things like this ever happen and I am so tore up about it.

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Our 3 Precious Angels That Left Us Too Soon
BFP #2-EDD 07/05/13 - Tater and Tot passed at 12w3d. D&C 1/17/13
BFP #3-EDD 12/19/13 - Peanut passed at 9w1d. D&C 05/31/13

Diagnosed with Hypothyroid 05/20/13 

BFP #4 - 09/22/13 - DD#2 born 05/27/14

All Alers Welcome!

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Re: Difficult Funeral Tonight (Child Loss Mentioned) - Need Opinions

  • Emma2370Emma2370 member
    This is so very sad, as you said there is no way of hiding the pregnancy. Going in and showing support is the right thing to do. They know your pregnant, and how difficult it is for everyone. Your not going to go in and rub your belly and talk about your baby. I would go pay respects and leave. You never know how people will react. But I am sure they will appreciate you being there and your kind words.
    BFP #1 7/25/13. MMC 8/26/13 8 weeks 5days Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Image and video hosting by TinyPic BFP #2 11/5/13 chemical pregnancy 11/9/13 BFP #3 12/28/13 "Our HOPE baby"
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  • PinkCaminoPinkCamino member
    Lurking from TTCAL.

    If I was in your situation I probably wouldn't go. You are friends with the child's grandparent and not the parents. A child's funeral IMO is a very intimate and TBH if I were the mother I wouldn't necessarily be happy seeing a woman I don't know paying her respects while she was very visibly pregnant.

    I know your intention is good and I'm sorry you're in such a shitty situation but is there a way you can give your sympathies to your co-worker in a different way. I would perhaps even express your concern over the situation to him/her directly.

    ((hugs)) My heart goes out to that family.
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  • 2redtulips2redtulips member
    Because you don't know the parents personally, I am inclined to agree with PinkCamino. I think sending a card to your co-worker would be a nice way to show your support to him. 

    I am so sorry for your co-worker and his family. That's very sad. 

    _______________________________________________________________________
    First-time mom, 35+, parenting after a loss (mmc Oct. 2012 @ 8 wks), ttc for a year after loss

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  • kimmyberly26kimmyberly26 member
    Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm still up in the air but leaning towards not going. I did not know the parents and a few of my coworkers are going to the calling hours tonight. I may eer on the side of caution.

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    Our 3 Precious Angels That Left Us Too Soon
    BFP #2-EDD 07/05/13 - Tater and Tot passed at 12w3d. D&C 1/17/13
    BFP #3-EDD 12/19/13 - Peanut passed at 9w1d. D&C 05/31/13

    Diagnosed with Hypothyroid 05/20/13 

    BFP #4 - 09/22/13 - DD#2 born 05/27/14

    All Alers Welcome!

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  • jess123456jess123456 member
    2redtulips said:

    Because you don't know the parents personally, I am inclined to agree with PinkCamino. I think sending a card to your co-worker would be a nice way to show your support to him. 


    I am so sorry for your co-worker and his family. That's very sad. 
    I agree with this too and I'm so sorry for their loss. I think I would feel differently if you worked with the parents. However, since they don't know you they might be set off emotionally by seeing you pregnant and especially in that setting that might be too hard for them. I think waiting outside and having your coworker come out could be really awkward.

    You mentioned that the child was born at 24 weeks which is also why I think seeing someone pregnant could be hard for them even though their child lived to be 2. As you know, it's not personal but it could definitely be a trigger for them.

    I'm so sorry.

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  • voplovoplo member
    If I were in your place and I am close with this co-worker I would explain the situation and personally give him my condolences. If you explain him that you are scare to cause more grieve and pain than actually being supportive during the service/funeral he will totally understand (and even be glad or/and thankful for your consideration). But that is my opinion, there is many factors I don't know.

    Just plain, things like this shouldn't happen and I feel so very sorry for the family. I can't think in anything worse. It is horrible. 



    Mummy to 2 wonderful children
    Noah (2011) & Lily (2014)
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