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choices? reasons sound solid possibly :-(

AdrionsMomAdrionsMom member
in Single Parents
Ive posted once before on here and got great response. Im divorced and had a bf also 3 children by him. Ages 6,3, and 18 months. The boyfriend does NOT want kids of his own. Were actually breaking up. Im moving out as we speak :-( ... but im pregnant and its his. Hes said his peace he wants us to get an abortion. I work full time, and barely get by with my 3 kids and myself. Its against my spirituality to abort but he says reasonable cause. Financially itd be extremely hard. On me. Physically me being pregnant, working and with 3 kids would be difficult as well. I love my kids I cant imagine if I didn't have them. But I dont want to do this alone really. It seems greedy to me to have an abortion bc money and I just dont want to be alone but then it makes sense too some. SOME. I could focus on my kids and they're schooling, my job, our house, maybe actually save money somewhere. I really love this man. I thought it was my forever But its ended and now im here feeling alone and just have no idea what is right thing to do. I dont want criticism really guys please. Ill hear it from my family soon enough.

Even if I abort this pregnancy it doesn't all go away. Id know it. Id know what happened.
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Re: choices? reasons sound solid possibly :-(

  • jesuisfatigueejesuisfatiguee member
    Have you considered adoption? That could potentially help your financial situation as well. Yes, giving a child to another family would be heartbreaking, but consider how you would feel after aborting. Unfortunately, both have lifelong consequences.

    Whatever you do, don't do it simply to appease a man. He is clearly not a very good person, IMO.



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  • AdrionsMomAdrionsMom member
    I have browsed adoption pages but never read in depth. I feel like I not exactly wanted this pregnancy but now its happened that I should suck it up even do it alone I had too :-/
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    Have you considered talking to a counselor? An unbiased third party face to face conversation could help you in the decision making process. I agree that both adoption and abortion (or keeping the child) are hard decisions and you shouldn't listen to someone who is trying to force you into a decision that would appease them and not you. A counselor could help you work through your feelings and even give you resources to aid you in your decision.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    there is no reason you should feel you have to such it up and do it alone. I know abortion isnt right for me. but I'd never judge someone who got an abortion. 

    Dont think of it as giving your child up for adoption, think of it as making an adoption plan. It's a more positive way of thinking about it. You'd be giving another couple a wonderful gift. If that is something you think you could do there is different kids of adoptions the first two that come to mind are open and closed adoptions. There are levels of open in the open adoptions if you choose to go that route.

    And finally on the break up, it gets better. I'm sorry it didnt end the way you thought it would. But at least you found out now not years down the road.
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    That is such a tough situation and decision to make. I agree with pp about talking to a counselor or even your ob. When I was 16 I was faced with making a decision like this and I do not regret my choice. PM me and I would discuss this with you if you'd like.
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  • tig594tig594 member
    If you choose to keep this child there are also support groups out there.  Please look into that.  I'm sure you'd make some new friends locally that are in your same boat.  Also, the group on this board is very supportive.  I also think you're doing the right thing with your bf.  It's sad he sees abortion as "reasonable cause."  What's that mean, anyway?  That's it's reasonable in his eyes to kill a child because he was irresponsible and doesn't want to raise it or pay child support for 18 years?  Not trying to bust your chops here...I just don't understand that phrase.
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  • AdrionsMomAdrionsMom member
    I think its killing him to see me so torn up about this decision. He just wants me to choose already. But when I'm home alone or at work thinking about my life I feel like the strong, independent mother I am. But when I get home and my boyfriend hasn't left for work yet, we'll talk and I just seem to cry. He thinks we're totally fu*@#d if we have this baby. He'd move to his dads. Id be on my own. We were planning the move anyways but my heighten emotional state is killing me. He talks to me and I feel like he's right. Id have more time for my other kids, who are still young. Id have me time every other week end bc they go to their dads then...id be open to find a man who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him, years down the rd of course. Bc this is definitely me time in the relationship phase.
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  • tig594tig594 member
    Um no offense but sounds like your relationship is already fucked. Also sounds like he's manipulating you and you both are making excuses why it would be ok to terminate a child's life.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Yeah, your relationship is fucked. Either stay with him or dont. But make up your damn mind. Either way figure it out.
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