NOT baby related, just emotional, needing opinions

meaghanjohnson34 · March 2014

I probably shouldn't even write this but Its the only way I could think to get unbiased opinions from other ladies out there. I don't want to go into tons of details about the situation, i'm just wondering who out there would think its inappropriate or would be upset if their husband or SO was texting another women from work, like HER calling him hun all the time and HER sending winks and saying they miss each other if the other isn't there. I KNOW things like this can be completely innocent and men and women can be friends all the time with nothing more going on, but my freaking hormones won't let me forget about it and it's stressing me out and making me feel super insecure when I've never had a reason to feel like this in my marriage before. Now I just can't stop thinking about how much they interact at work and if she has feelings for him. I've never had to deal with anything like this before and I just wondered how common it is? if lots of husbands have friends that are women at work and text like that and if most women just really wouldn't care or read anything into it. And please don't just say talk to your husband about it cause I have and I probably will more, I just want other women's opinions if it would bother them or not or if I'm just overreacting.

Can husbands have girls that are friends? I almost just don't want him to be friends with her at all now.

Thanks..

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

If it bothers you, it bothers you. Glad you're talking to him about it.

spartybride3 · March 2014

No, my husband doesn't do that and no, it is not ok.

MaybeKatie10 · March 2014

If my husband did crap like that, he wouldn't be my husband. Sounds like your husband needs to learn about "boundaries" stat.

kmdendy · March 2014

No. My husband has girl friends at work but they never text or hangout outside of work. And if they do hangout outside of work, it is in a group setting I am always invited. The only texts he will ever get from them would be them asking him to cover his shift.

Mizoo · March 2014

It's okay for men to have women friends that they flirt with like that - ya know, when they're single!

A married man has no business acting like that in my opinion. I agree with the PP that it sounds like he needs to learn about boundaries! I don't blame you for being upset one bit. I would be too!

CurlieWhirlie · March 2014

It sounds like you're saying *she* is the one sending flirty texts — how does he respond? Because I can understand a guy feeling too awkward to tell a female friend to stop behaving that way. You know? Like if they're friends at work and then she starts coming on a little stronger, he might feel like "well, I can't call her on it, because then it looks like I think she's into me, and then it seems like I'm conceited," etc.

I think it matters a lot how he is responding to her when she texts him or flirts with him inappropriately. And it would bother me, too — maybe just try to be sensitive to how embarrassed or awkward he might feel about confronting her and telling her to cut it out. He does need to do that, though!

Ashleypixie · March 2014

It is not ok, and it's inappropriate. Don't blame your hormones for thinking it's kind of weird, it's weird as hell! Its definitely something that needs to be discussed.

meaghanjohnson34 · March 2014

CurlieWhirlie said: It sounds like you're saying *she* is the one sending flirty texts — how does he respond? Because I can understand a guy feeling too awkward to tell a female friend to stop behaving that way. You know? Like if they're friends at work and then she starts coming on a little stronger, he might feel like "well, I can't call her on it, because then it looks like I think she's into me, and then it seems like I'm conceited," etc.
I think it matters a lot how he is responding to her when she texts him or flirts with him inappropriately. And it would bother me, too — maybe just try to be sensitive to how embarrassed or awkward he might feel about confronting her and telling her to cut it out. He does need to do that, though!

Yeah I was thinking that too because, when I confronted him about it he said that they are just friends and that I was probably mis-interpreting the texts because texts can be read lots of ways. But i still feel like she was flirting with him and he may not realize it or feel like he's just being a friend back but I think the way he responds to her she could def take it as flirting too. And thats what bugs me. I don't want her to think he's flirting with her, and the #1 thing that bugged me is he said he missed her at work and then another time that he wished they had the same breaks together. Which he says is just a friendly thing he would say to anyone. most of the other texts I can see as just friend texts except those. But I still don't think there's ANY reason for a married man to be texting another women about anything other than work, even if they are just friends. Idk I guess mainly I just wanted to know if I was over reacting.

Thanks to all that have responded, it helps to know I'm not the only one that thinks its inappropriate. now I feel better about bringing it up to him again.

divinemsbee · March 2014

Kimbus22 said:

Yes, husbands can have female friends. My H does. He texts some. But none of them are sending him "Miss you" with winky faces. That's not okay.

This. My H works with several women whom he is friendly/friends with. Some married, some single. I'm friendly with them as well. He's gone to lunch with at least one of them alone on a few occasions, sometimes to talk about work stuff, sometimes because he doesn't want to eat alone and I/other people am/aren't available. We hang out with them pretty often (brunch!). That's totally cool to me. And I'm fine with some texting or Facebook tagging about things that are of mutual interest to them. It doesn't have to be just about work. I do think it's overreacting to say that a married man can't text a women who he both works with and is friends with about anything but work.

I think this sentence "But I still don't think there's ANY reason for a married man to be texting another women about anything other than work, even if they are just friends." Is a major overreaction and I think if the sexes were switched and a husband said that about his wife and her platonic male friends/co-workers, pretty much everyone would call that controlling behavior.

At first description, I was like Shut. It. Down. I thought it was random winkies and straight up 'miss you's and I would not be okay with it. But after OP clarified, it doesn't seem as bad. Except the winking smileys. That's weird and would make me uncomfortable. I'd probably tell H to nip that in the bud.

I also think there's a big difference between "I miss you" in a text and "I missed you at work because I wanted to tell you about hilarious/ridiculous thing that happened' or "I wish we had the same breaks because I always have breaks with that total jerk dude." The first one is inappropriate. The second two I'd be pretty okay with, I think because they are situational to work, like saying 'You should've been there.'

meaghanjohnson34 · March 2014

@divinemsbee

i actually think you are right. what you said makes sense. I talked to my husband more about it all last night and re read the text conversations and I feel fine about it all now, he cleared up everything and I feel a lot better about it now.

Thanks for the advice and opinions ladies!

veetveet · March 2014

I had a first husband that pulled this stuff. It ended up ruining our marriage. It wasn't just innocent texting... long story, lots of lying on his part, multiple women..... needless to say I left him after giving him multiple chances to stop.

Men and women can be friends - but there is a line. As long as your husband knows where you stand and how you feel and no lines are being crossed I don't think it's a big deal.

PrimRoseMama · March 2014

If there is smoke there is fire. Go with your gut. This does not sound appropriate to me.

KayCee85 · March 2014

Hell to the no. My H manages a department and mostly all of his employees are women, right around his age. Sometimes they text or call him, but only about work related things. They don't have lunch and if they were sending eachother winkies, "huns", and "miss you's" I'd have a HUGE problem with it!

tnd1218 · March 2014

PrimRoseMama said:
If there is smoke there is fire. Go with your gut. This does not sound appropriate to me.

Agree! My husband use to work at a hospital PRN as his side job and worked with lots
Female nurses. He started getting text messages middle of the night sometimes 1/2 am from one saying she was bored, what was he doing, he showed me the messages and asked how he should handle it because he thought it was a bit weird for her to text him in the middle of the night and nothing to do with work. I agreed, I told him there is nothing he needs to be discussing with her in the middle of the night that can't be discussed at a decent hour and if it's not work related there's no need for it. He totally agreed and told her it was inappropriate and she stopped. He should let her know Hun and I miss you is not appropriate language for a married man.

Christal161 · March 2014

Nope, a married man should not be texting a female coworker other then work related subject. I've had that problem with SO once, we simply talked about it and both agreed that it was inappropriate. Another one was he kept pushing me to meet this coworker of his, but he couldn't understand how uncomfortable I was with the idea. My past relation I was cheated on and it all started the same way. Me getting uncomfortable, ex-SO wanting me to meet this girl and after our meeting he goes and cheats. Not saying it'll always happen, only that I'll be on my guard. As long as you talk to SO about your feelings toward what's going on, things shouldn't be bad.

sweetn123 · March 2014

Its not OK...period.

They are crossing the boundaries...He is even more so, since he has a commitment to you.

Being blunt, I would start making sure I start building a base where I can have total independence if necessary. For your husband to even need being told this is inappropriate, I'm sure this is not the first time or the last.

I have firm belief that a man (or a woman), can tear down the spirit of their mate...what type of life to be living like that when the person you are with is supposed to be your "rock".

You know ultimately already deep down, how you feel about this situation, and I know you know you are being reasonable.

With whatever you do, don't compare yourself with someone else in a similar situation; everyone has their own way and own time span on what they need to do in their life, in order to regain some basic peace and happiness. You deserve that.

momthatlifts · March 2014

No my husband does not tell other women he misses them. He does not text other women from work. What you explained is not OK and probably not very innocent

fearnoevil · March 2014

I would not be okay with my boyfriend telling other women or vice versa that info. However, you have to go by the boundries you set. All of our significant others are different.

RebeccaY1 · March 2014

My DH does have friends that are girls. All of these friends are mutual friends for both of us. I wouldn't have a problem with him talking to them or hanging out with them without me. If that were to happen (which is really hasn't in many, many years) it would be discussed. I have spent time with them without him because he's at work or we want to get pedicures together.

That being said, I wouldn't be comfortable with them texting winks at each other or calling each other pet names like hun. I realize that sometimes waitresses call customers hun, so it's not really a pet name, but still kind of weird.

I would just be honest with him and say what you are feeling.

Qualera · March 2014

My husband went back to school after being in the workforce for years. And a single mother from one of his classes started emailing him about assignments, which I was fine with. But after the class was over he's telling me what this woman plans to do over the weekend, TV shows she likes, and difficulties she's having managing a child on her own and the big red flag for me "what a great guy he (my husband) is" and how she wanted a father for her daughter like him.

My husband shared all this, completely openly seeing no issues with it at all. This is all to say that sometimes men don't see the same things we do. After I expressed some concern about her intentions, he thought I was mistaken, but responded to her plans for the weekend with ours (and we do everything together), and suddenly she disappeared, never contacting him again. Was I right? Maybe. But he took my concerns seriously even if he didn't agree. You should come before any "work friends" your husband has even if he thinks you're wrong.

Want a personalized experience?

NOT baby related, just emotional, needing opinions

Re: NOT baby related, just emotional, needing opinions

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards