STM what advice do you give? What do we need to know?

mrsredmond2011 · March 2014

What are the important things that first time moms should know? What advice would you give? Is there anything specific we should know or anything you wish you would have known starting out?

smashton14th · March 2014

I wish i would've know how many people would give me their opinions on how i should be raising my child. You know your baby the best. One things that works for their baby might not work for yours. So graciously accept their advice but it doesn't mean you have to use it. Always do your own research and ask your doctor.

KatieKim0815 · March 2014

I will respond because you are asking!

which is nice! When I was a FtM I got a lot of unsolicited advice! Haha!

My biggest thing is to go with the flow. I had opinions on pacifiers and cosleeping and all that went out the window when the baby arrived. Follow your gut as much a your heart and for let anyone bully you into parenting a different way that what feels right to you and your SO.

Also soak it in!

Keep luxuries for yourself. Don't deprive yourself of that daily cup of coffee or mums day out f that is what you need to feel human!

Asljoc · March 2014

Trust your gut! You know more than you think. It's so easy to let yourself get overwhelmed, so focus on small daily victories. It's perfectly ok to hand the baby off to someone else so you can get a nap or take a shower, or have a cup of coffee... Moms are allowed to ask for help.

homediva · March 2014

Remember that everything is a phase!! Whether they are waking up every hour, refusing a bottle or hating the car....just remember that it will pass!

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

Try to relax, be flexible, and follow your instincts.

misskristina21 · March 2014

I have to agree with going with the flow. I swore that I wouldn't give my kid a paci, or let her get attached to anything, yeah, that went out the window so fast.

Also, when you get comfortable at home, and people offer to help, take it. I was so thankful that I had offers to help clean, or fold laundry or make dinner.

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

homediva said:

Remember that everything is a phase!! Whether they are waking up every hour, refusing a bottle or hating the car....just remember that it will pass!

OMG yes, "this too shall pass" was like my mantra the first year!!

Abcollins57 · March 2014

I'll agree with the majority, try to relax and not stress over small stuff. Babies are so much more resilient than we realize, and chances are, nothing you do is gonna harm the baby. Just breath and go with the flow!

ksulli · March 2014

Some babies are easier than others. Just because yours doesn't like to sleep, and cries for 2 hours straight while your bff's only fusses over a poopy diaper and sleeps 6 hour stretches at 3w does not mean she's doing something better than you are. It means she won the lottery.

MapleLeafMama · March 2014

Note: This is based on MY experience with DS. Learning to breastfeed is really.effing.HARD. For me, it felt the complete opposite of natural, like everyone told me it was. And it's ok to give formula if breastfeeding isn't working for you. Happy mom, happy family. Switching to formula does not make you a bad mother and it will not hurt your baby.

That being said, I'm going to be trying BFing again with DD, but I've got a back up plan if it goes south the same way it did with DS. And I refuse to feel guilty again if it doesn't work after I've given it my best shot.

Smores730 · March 2014

In trying to find a few things that haven't been mentioned...
1. I wish someone would have told me that bf-ing isn't as easy as it looks. It was a struggle for me and many of my friends and I wish I had gotten more help with it the first time around.
2. If you feel your pediatrician isn't listening to you enough or being thorough enough, change who you see and don't feel guilty about it. Don't be embarrassed to voice all of your concerns regardless of how minor out of fear of looking like the dumb 1st time mom.
3. Your body will most likely not go back to how it looked pre-baby even if and when you shrink down to pre-baby weight.. especially your boobs.
4. Lube. It's your new BF
5. If you plan to SAH, find a mom's group. It's the only way to stay sane. Try facebook and meetup.com to find them.
6. Facebook baby item swap groups, consignment sales, and consignment shops are awesome for finding play clothes
7. Try your hardest not to get wrapped up in baby comparisons. They will all eventually walk and talk and no one will give a @#$% who did what and when!!!

LBStewart · March 2014

1. You're the boss

2. Trust your gut

3. This too shall pass (you'll remember that in the middle of the night or when you have a baby crying for what seems like forever)

LBStewart · March 2014

1. You're the boss

2. Trust your gut

3. This too shall pass (you'll remember that in the middle of the night or when you have a baby crying for what seems like forever)

Bees Everywhere · March 2014

I'd just want you to know that I am not a "baby" person and I had never changed a diaper or watched a little baby by myself until DS was born but you really do learn and pretty soon you know your LO better than anyone. Which is why advice from people can be helpful but don't feel like you need to follow anything 100% to be doing a good job. You'll figure out what works for you.

I'd say too, never hesitate to call your pedi in the beginning if nothing else than for peace of mind.

The newborn stage lasted so much shorter than I realized it would. Also, when they eat baby food is a really short time, I had no idea.

Nursing, personally, was really hard for the first month or so then it just sort of became easy so, if it's something you really want to do, don't give up- it gets so much better and even enjoyable!

I thought having a bassinet right by the bed for the first few months was a sanity saver. I could hear DS stirring, I'd wake up to nurse and change him and he'd go right back to sleep. I'd barely have to leave bed.

Rrrrrachel · March 2014

LBStewart said:

1. You're the boss
2. Trust your gut
3. This too shall pass (you'll remember that in the middle of the night or when you have a baby crying for what seems like forever)

I . . . don't know what to say to that.

misskristina21 · March 2014

MrsEll said:
@smores730 has great advice. I'll add:

1. Formula is not the devil. What's important is getting the baby fed.
2. No baby ever died of crying. It's ok to put the crying baby down so you can go to the bathroom, take a shower, or just get a couple minutes to breathe and pull yourself together.

So agree with these also. I was made to feel so bad about having to feed DD formula. I had days where I would cry because of how guilty some people made me feel. Formula feeding is not the bad, awful thing people make it out to be. Plus it made sure my kid didn't starve to death.

MamaFantastic · March 2014

Take videos... not just photos! (It goes without saying photos are also important, of course.) Videos are so precious to look back on because you get so much more from them. I tried to do a 3-5 minute talking video every few months, almost like a Getting To Know You for that particular age/stage.

I second the suggestion to find a local mommy group. Just be prepared for potential drama at some point.

Don't be a hero. Admit when things suck and reach out for help. Reverse the roles... would you jump at the chance to provide relief/assistance to an overwhelmed new mom friend? Of course you would. And so will your friends.

PPD/PPA is real and it can happen to you too, no matter how prepared or put together you feel now.

Blaurier09 · March 2014

Calm parents = calm baby. These little things feel our stress and they don't need that in their life! So try to smile, laugh and be happy as much as possible around them, even if you slept 2 hours the night before (been there, done that).

Also, it's sound sooo cliché, but sleep when the baby sleeps. The world - and the cleaning - can wait

Teresa1896 · March 2014

The best advice I received was from a friend who said, "nobody's going to do things just like you do, and that's ok." It's become my mantra. DH, in laws, daycare providers all do things differently from how I do, but that doesn't mean they're wrong. I'm super controlling and have really had to learn to let go and let other people find their own way to care for and love my kid.
There are always those things I won't compromise on (BF, carseat safety, back sleeping, etc), but I've learned to relax a lot about the rest.

Ashleypixie · March 2014

You will forever feel like you are doing everything wrong, but you aren't. And people will give opinions and say really stupid things like, "maybe he's a people person and doesn't like to be alone," when your baby can't sleep longer than 30 minutes at a time. Try not to murder them for just being really fucking stupid. And prepare to be terrified of everything for the rest of your life, rational or not. You will always be tormented by thoughts of bad things happening to your child and it never gets better even when they are older. Also, you might end up giving up on stuff you feel like you really really need to do like cloth diapering or breast feeding or sleep training and that's going to be ok. Disposable diapers, formula, and a crazy sleep schedule is not only ok, but is the norm for many.

LittleLady77 · March 2014

This is all very helpful. Thanks ladies.

macynsnoop · March 2014

Bees Everywhere said:
I'd just want you to know that I am not a "baby" person and I had never changed a diaper or watched a little baby by myself until DS was born but you really do learn and pretty soon you know your LO better than anyone. Which is why advice from people can be helpful but don't feel like you need to follow anything 100% to be doing a good job. You'll figure out what works for you.

Thank you so much for saying this! I thought maybe I was the only FTM who had never held a baby or changed a diaper! So reassuring to hear someone else to admit to not being a "baby person"! Hope I got the quote right from @beeseverywhere, on the mobile right now

Want a personalized experience?

STM what advice do you give? What do we need to know?

Re: STM what advice do you give? What do we need to know?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards