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Advice Needed: ASD Daughter talking about mean girls in her class (long)

coffee beancoffee bean member
edited March 2014 in Special Needs

My daughter is in kindergarten (will be 6 next month).  She is high functioning, but on the social side of things she can be a bit much for kids to handle.  I know a lot of you know all about that.  The normal ASD stuff - not great at personal space, very repetitive in asking others to play with her / sit with her (after they’ve already said no), just generally more in people's faces than they would like.

For the last week, she's mentioned to me that "mean girls make her sad" and that there are "bullies".  I'm not even sure where she learned that word.  There are three specific girls she seems to always want the attention of, that happen to be the girls that aren’t very nice to her.  I’ve told her that she should try to be friends with kids that are nice to her (and there are a few), but she just seems obsessed with trying to get these specific girls to like / pay attention / play / sit with her.

Any tips or advice for dealing with this situation?  I’ve reached out to the teacher to make sure there isn’t anything else going on, but it seems limited to them just telling her they don’t want to play or sit with her.  The teacher mentioned possibly organizing a lunch bunch for kindergarten girls on how to be nicer to each other, which I think is a great idea.  Aside from telling my daughter to focus more on the kids who are nicer, arranging playdates with them, and trying to get her to act more “socially correct” – is there anything else you’ve done or would do?

PS – It’s also tough because she has an ID twin sister (not on the spectrum), who is in another class.  She has lots of friends, gets invited on playdates and to birthday parties all the time.  I want them each to have their own identity and friends, but I also think it’s good for her to go on playdates with her sister’s friends since they seem more tolerant.

 

Mom to Abigail & Liliana -- Identical Twin Girls -- April 2008
Baby #3 due September 12, 2014!
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Re: Advice Needed: ASD Daughter talking about mean girls in her class (long)

  • MirandaHobbesMirandaHobbes member

    My son (pdd-nos, kindy) is like this. He sometimes laments his "againsters", i.e. someone who doesn't agree with him or someone whom he believes is trying to get him in trouble. I try to focus on my own son's behaviors and remind him how to be a good friend, how people have different opinions.. basically all the things he's hardwired NOT to understand! DS attracts unwanted attention from other kids when he argues with them, and he argues with everyone so I focus on teaching him that arguing won't make you any friends. If we're playing a game and he starts arguing with me I'll end the game, etc. He's not quite mature enough to really "get" this, but we're laying the groundwork.

    Have you observed these girls in person? I realized that for DS, he hasn't really experienced what I'd call a bully, it's just a kid annoyed with him, because, well, DS was being annoying. Sorry, I don't know if I can relate, girls are so much more complex than boys at this age! DS looks at other boys and says "is he fun or not" and that's about it. 

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  • coffee beancoffee bean member
    Auntie, thank you for recommending Michelle Garcia Winner's SuperFlex!  I've never heard of it.  Something like this is exactly what I was looking for.  It says that Superflex is better for grades 3 - 5.  Do you think it's appropriate for a kindergartner or should I start with something like this for ages 4 - 7?

    https://www.socialthinking.com/books-products/the-incredible-flexible-you-curriculum-book-v-1-detail

    Miranda, I have watched my daughter's class a few times.  I truly don't think it's bullying.  More like they are annoyed at her behavior and that's how they are reacting.
    Mom to Abigail & Liliana -- Identical Twin Girls -- April 2008
    Baby #3 due September 12, 2014!
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • lite-brightlite-bright member
    I just wanted to say that my kindergartener is already using SuperFlex in a social skills group at school with the school psychologist. Definitely not too young. 

    And I can actually tell she's absorbing it. We were out at dinner this weekend and I beat her in a series of round of tic-tac-toe. She brought up one of the "unthinkables" in SuperFlex and the desire to want to always win and how she was feeling that way, and so we worked through the moment instead of her getting upset or frustrated. I was super impressed that it worked so well and she was able to access that in the moment. 
    image

    DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
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  • lite-brightlite-bright member
    edited March 2014
    .
    image

    DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
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  • funchickenfunchicken member
    This thread is so helpful!  Thanks everyone!
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