MIL & FIL vent.

SuperTinkerham · March 2014

Let me preface this with they are just clueless. They aren't mean, just clueless. So MIL keeps saying she wants the baby to get here early. "Just a month or so". This is absolutely pushing my buttons. BIL &SIL had their baby a month early and it meant a 10 day NICU stay. He's fine, just small for his age but they got off very easy. I've had many other friends that have had to face such terrible challenges w their preemies I can't imagine wishing that on anyone. To me I hear "I don't care about you or the baby's health". It might be my PGAL brain, but to me it is a shitty thing to say. I told her she need to quit saying that. It upsets me very very much. Then we told them SharkBaby is a boy. FIL expressed disappointment it isn't a girl. Well, sir, fuck you very much. My kid is going to be awesome no matter what he's got going on in between his legs. Ugh.

SuperTinkerham · March 2014

And I'm sorry, I can't figure out paragraph breaks on the ipad!!!!

SuperTinkerham · March 2014

MSUDucks said:

Hugs! I'm sorry they are being so inconsiderate. Has your DH said anything to them?

Nope. Mister just let's everything roll off his back while I go home and stew about it. I'm very good at clearly outlingin what's ok and what isn't, but I've told MIL she needs to not say that to me again. Last time it was "maybe the baby will be here by your shower?" The fuck? I think my shower is at 31 weeks. Shut up talking to me.

SuperTinkerham · March 2014

bunny0711 said:

What's her reason for wanting the baby to be early?

She's so excited. She just wants it here already. She's just clueless.

Pinksundrops · March 2014

Ugh. Sorry you're dealing with that. Have you mentioned that preemie's require NICU stays and that you'd rather wait longer and have a healthy baby? Doesn't sound like she's putting two and two together.

My MIL expressed disappointment ours wasn't a girl either. This was my exact text reply to her:

***********oops better add LOSS MENTIONED (not of mine)*************

"Yeah I had to get over everyone wanting me to have a girl. Made me feel people aren't as excited for a girl. But a healthy ALIVE baby was what I wanted. So many stories of babies dying in utero at this stage - finding out at the scan where you usually find out the sex. I was relieved to see a kicking squirming cutie and upset others didn't feel that way and appreciate the beauty of life - girl or boy! So happy to add to my army of men! I would've been just as excited for a girl!"

brooklynesque · March 2014

I'd be pissed too. Such an inappropriate thing for your MIL to say. It's good you told her to stop.

SuperTinkerham · March 2014

The first question they asked mister after I miscarried last year was did we know the sex of the baby. I found it to be really offensive.

ariel8200 · March 2014

If this were me, I'd hope that the baby stayed an extra week just to spite MIL. Even though I'm sure I'd hate that week haha. Sorry that they are acting like morons.

TugboatSheila · March 2014

SuperTinkerham said:

The first question they asked mister after I miscarried last year was did we know the sex of the baby. I found it to be really offensive.

Ugh. Sorry they are saying these kinds of things, I would be upset by that too.

dobbyisfree · March 2014

Uggghhhh i hate comments like this. Weve had a few Id prefer boy or girl comments but nobody has said anything this ridiculous.

marathonmom823 · March 2014

Wow, that's really idiotic of her to say that. And WTF about the mc comment?!

When we told the IL's that this baby is a girl (we have one DS), my MIL responded with "I thought Papa and I had all of our girls already." Um, what?! Yes, you have 3 (whiny, annoying, dirty) granddaughters from DH's oldest sister already, I'm pretty sure this one will be totally different and you will love her too.

fmb2011 · March 2014

I'm sorry you're dealing with idiotic in laws! I can't believe her comment after your mc...definitely very insensitive!

hope1017 · March 2014

I would totally act the same way as you or worse. You should make her watch a video of premature babies so she can know that having the baby too early is something scary and not exciting. I would also slap your husband for not sticking up for you and telling your in laws to stop saying such idiotic things.

EllaSmella · March 2014

They sound terribly inconsiderate and just downright rude. I would really enlist your DH to help you with them. I can understand that they are his parents so he's probably a lot more used to their antics, but the things they are saying deserve a response not just from you, but from him as well. Could you talk to him a bit and ask him to please chime in next time either of them touches on one of these topics? He doesn't have to be aggressive about it, but just say something that makes it clear that he's in your camp and that these topics have already been discussed and need no further conversation?

LuluPMW · March 2014

You know what? At least you understand they are just dumb comments with no real ill intent, and you made it clear that you didn't want her repeating her comments. It could be so much worse and hopefully one day you'll laugh about the dumb stuff they said.

And by all means, this is the place to vent!

I may join you after I visit my inlaws next weekend for the first time this pregnancy.

Edit words

July15Mama · March 2014

Ugh especially after you've experienced a miscarriage. The ONLY thing that should/does matter is a healthy baby.

Ylvelill · March 2014

Deep breaths! It is hard dealing with people who are careless

good job on setting limits, that's really all you can do. Try getting your husband involved in letting them know the limits are his too.

TurtleMonsters · March 2014

DH needs to step in and back you up. You're smart to say something now. My MIL, just kept pushing buttons, and we don't speak to her now. She wasn't clueless, and her comments were not so outright and obvious- I felt kind of blindsided, so it was a little different. My point is, I regret trying to be polite, and passive, at the risk of giving myself more anxiety and stress for holding things in. I believe mine has a serious psychological issue to work through, so it may be a little different.

Nichole8787 · March 2014

First congratulations on your little boy!!! ( you may have mentioned it was a boy before but I haven't seen it until now) Second good job for you advocating for yourself! I never advocate for myself with my mil and fil and one day I swear I'm just going to be all...

abkkhill · March 2014

I feel your pain...we are expecting our 3rd girl and even had a little scare in regards to the health of #3 and all my FIL had to say was "leave it in there till it grows a stub". Um, ok, cause that's never gonna happen! Obviously a joke but this hormonal pregnant momma didn't find it funny! I've learned after a few kids to just not take their comments to heart...which can be hard to do! Hang in there and speak up if you need to!

hcsmiley417 · March 2014

I know how it feels but at least it's your in laws and not your actual parents. I have 3 DD and my parents never showed up at the hospital for their births or for a visit, or my sister, or brother. I'm my parents oldest and the only one having kids. Yup. No parents. My DHs doesn't know who his family is, he was abandoned after he was born so this is a family he has never had and super excited and it hurts him a little more every time. They got disappointed every time we found out it was a girl and they never even congratulated us. We found out that #4 is a boy and now everyone wants to be hands on this time. My mom calls DS her baby and when is my baby boy going to get here. She's gone shopping for outfits. Her words were "I can't wait to dress my baby boy in these when he gets here." My DH thought she meant like as her her grandson but my mother proceeded to say she wanted 4 kids (she had 3, 2DD, 1DS) and now HER last son is finally here. Wtf? She even told my DH that she will be in the delivery room(c section) and not him. Every one wants to be there. I won't let anyone be there.

Ylvelill · March 2014

@hcsmiley417 - wow, that's horrible. Hugs to your husband, being abandoned sucks

glad to hear that the two of you are making your own family, stay strong and don't let your mom ruin anything for you.

Dream123456778 · March 2014

I'd be very tempted to find a really scary article on the risks of having a preemie and print it out for her. Of course I'd traumatize myself in the process so that wouldn't be worth it.

My sister was born 2 months early 20 years ago and after a few days in the NICU she came home and we had to hold her wearing gloves and masks. She was always small for her age, a little behind academically, but has grown up to be brilliant (seriously the kid is scary smart), beautiful and you would never know she is a preemie. Even so I'm sure my parents hadn't gone through the fears they experienced.

Your MIL is likely only thinking about stories like your nephew and my sister. Time to give her a reality check!

Skeemer · March 2014

Ylvelill said:

@hcsmiley417 - wow, that's horrible. Hugs to your husband, being abandoned sucks glad to hear that the two of you are making your own family, stay strong and don't let your mom ruin anything for you.

^ This.

Wishing you all the best. All of your children are special & I know you already know that. It's wonderful that you've been blessed with awesome daughters & a son. We also hope to have 3 or 4 children. Congrats to you guys. ((hugs))

cuntasaurusrex · March 2014

How can anyone that's had kids be that idiotic?

Skeemer · March 2014

**Grey box fail for some reason? ***

I have never laughed about the ridiculous idiotic stuff my ex MIL said to me. She was a moron, inconsiderate, hateful & refused to mind her own business. Yes, OP's situation could be worse...but to her in this moment what her in-laws have said is as bad as it gets & I know it has to hurt.

hcsmiley417 · March 2014

Thanks to everyone for your kind words. We are very thankful for what we have but because of other medical issues before pregnancy and now during DH is the only working one and he works 2 jobs. He is only allowed to take 2 days off. I have had complications after my previous 2 emergency c sections and with this one I'm having a tubal ligation. So 1 day off will be the day DS is born, after that he will be working, kids in daycare and me by myself in the hospital. The other day off is discharge days to get things put together. That's it. We can't afford daycare for the other 3 kids or a babysitter and who wants some person after 2 surgeries in there house. My mom offered to help but she said she would take DS to her house to watch him and that I should be fine with 3 kids and she won't watch the younger 2 at least. Are you kidding me? I will still have to feed them, diapers to change, etc....i have friends that will try and help but they have their own families, full time jobs, etc..i cry frequently because I don't have my family but DH does as much as he can even though he's tired. Let's just say I'm petrified to deal with all this at home by myself. Here's to hoping I heal fast. Really fast.

Ylvelill · March 2014

Would your husband be able to take sick days at the start if you have complications? My husbands work offer that option if I have a c-section. Up to 2 weeks for my healing.

SuperTinkerham · March 2014

I absolutely know my ILs could be way worse. Please don't think I'm minimizing the jerkiness of other ILs. They just both kinda hit sore spots this weekend.

CONativeGal · March 2014

My in laws are the exact same! 2 examples -

The DAY after I had a D&C after an 11 week miscarriage, my MIL was telling me how they were tracking whether or not my sister in law was drinking, and they knew there was another grandchild around the corner.

My husband received his own letter, and I received a letter from my MIL expressing excitement about the baby, but that we needed to join a church because we were missing that element in our life and they were concerned.

So, needless to say, I know what you are going through. Well - intentioned, but WTF. My husband is my best friend, but also really lets everything roll off with them, which always makes me feel like the bad guy.

Skeemer · March 2014

@conativeGal - I'm so sorry for your loss & experience with your in laws. You may want to edit your post to say "Trigger" or "Loss mentioned" for those that may not be able to handle or read about a loss right now. Thanks

CONativeGal · March 2014

@Skeemer - Oops! Thank you for the reminder, I completely spaced that one

Skeemer · March 2014

@CONativeGal - I've done it before too & always appreciated a friendly reminder.

Want a personalized experience?

MIL & FIL vent.

Re: MIL & FIL vent.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

MIL & FIL vent.

Re: MIL &amp; FIL vent.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: MIL & FIL vent.