WWS12D?

kelbel527 · March 2014

Looking back, I'm not sure I would have done anything differently, but I'm curious what other bumpies would have done...

During a meeting in my boss' office yesterday we were talking about kids and she mentioned that her son is happier now that they took out his car seat. So, I asked if he was in any type of car seat and she said, no. I said, "he's 4?!?!" and her response was, well almost 5. Another team member asked if it was more about the weight than the age (she doesn't have kids) and I said, yes. And then I said, and age is usually something closer to 8 to be without any seat. My boss proceeded to talk about how sometimes there are things that aren't worth fighting about with your kids. And the 4th person in the meeting jumped in with the typical, "when we were kids we didn't even have seatbelts...blah blah."

I basically bit my tongue at that point, because, well, she is my boss. And my new boss at that. I've only reported to her for about 3 months and didn't feel like my mom-lecture was going to go over well.

But...it still irks me (and scares me) that her 4 year old doesn't use a car seat or a booster. And for the record, she has tiny children, so there is no way he's within the weight requirements to be without a booster.

So...WWS12D? Lecture your boss, or bite your tongue.

MarisaKathleen · March 2014

I think it depends on the relationship. Even if she doesn't think he needs a car seat, I would mention a booster seat. If she's really adamant about picking her battles, I guess i'd let it go.

It sure sends a message to me though if at 4 you're willing to not fight with your kid about something that could literally kill him. I just feel like at 4 you should still be the boss about big things. Don't want to fight with a kid over having an extra cookie? Fine, I get that. This is a different level. On the plus side, you could probably badger your way into extra raises or something if she's such a pushover.

Also, isn't it a law here that they have to be in something? Or am I making that up?

kelbel527 · March 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

I think it depends on the relationship. Even if she doesn't think he needs a car seat, I would mention a booster seat. If she's really adamant about picking her battles, I guess i'd let it go.

It sure sends a message to me though if at 4 you're willing to not fight with your kid about something that could literally kill him. I just feel like at 4 you should still be the boss about big things. Don't want to fight with a kid over having an extra cookie? Fine, I get that. This is a different level. On the plus side, you could probably badger your way into extra raises or something if she's such a pushover.

Also, isn't it a law here that they have to be in something? Or am I making that up?

**STUCK**

Yes, I'm pretty sure it's the law he has to have him in something. I'll have to look that up.

Apparently you have to be one of her kids to get what you want, because as a boss, she's not a pushover at all!! Ha! And I agree, I will give up fights with my 4 year old over food, or toys or something small if I'm too tired to argue, but I would never give up on safety.

AKB090609 · March 2014

I would say somthing although probably in private after the meeting. I would let her know the law, because she might not know it and let her know I'm not trying to overstep, but recently learned it or some story.

MomtobeNJ · March 2014

Your boss? Bite your tongue.

With a coworker, I would probably be willing to push the issue a little more by sending an article or whatever.

willy_gert · March 2014

I'm in agreement with PP's it sucks because a child is involved but I would bite my tongue. My boss has his DD who is 2 weeks older than Luci FF in a non convertible carseat. She isn't much bigger than Luci, and Luci has yet to meet RF weight or height for our carseat. But, he and his wife are intelligent people so it is a choice they have to make. He sees my car everyday and knows Luci is still RFing, but has never said anything.

MommaP12 · March 2014

I'd bite my tongue. It's your new boss. You're not in a position do anything that could be perceived as judging/lecturing. I hope that little boy isn't in a car very often.

Pokedot · March 2014

I can see biting your tongue. She's your boss and unless the relationship is close I think you did the right thing. I'd be terrified for her child however. Arguing with a 4 year old over a carseat is much different than an extra 5 minutes of playing outside etc. One can be life threatening.

I'm the kind of person who might be passive agressive about it. I realize this is your boss so you need to be careful. Is there a way to call about it anonymously? Or bring up a booster in a conversation and say you were suprised to know about this requirement or that. Talk about how its a law etc.

MRoxy0628 · March 2014

I would bite my tongue.

melody921 · March 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

I think it depends on the relationship. Even if she doesn't think he needs a car seat, I would mention a booster seat. If she's really adamant about picking her battles, I guess i'd let it go.

It sure sends a message to me though if at 4 you're willing to not fight with your kid about something that could literally kill him. I just feel like at 4 you should still be the boss about big things. Don't want to fight with a kid over having an extra cookie? Fine, I get that. This is a different level. On the plus side, you could probably badger your way into extra raises or something if she's such a pushover.

Also, isn't it a law here that they have to be in something? Or am I making that up?

I would have mentioned a booster too, as a "Hey, maybe this could be a compromise." In PA, it's law that kids are in boosters until a certain height/weight is reached.

kelbel527 · March 2014

@Melody921 & @MarisaKathleen - it is the law here too. (I just double checked). Booster up until 80lbs. You can't even go in a booster until 40lbs, and Brody isn't even at that weight yet.

I'm thinking about bringing up a booster. Maybe asking for a recommendation for Brody or something. See if I can slide it in w/ the weight/law...

Ugh, I know she's a great mom, so I don't get why parents aren't more diligent about this stuff!

Kissty · March 2014

Bite your tongue! She is your boss. Also, as a parent she should know the risks she is taking. I honestly can not believe her to be unaware (or anyone for that matter). She is the parent and it is her choice how she does things. I know this to be a big and hot topic for everyone but you can not go around lecturing everyone you come in to contact with about car seat safety. I'll probally be flamed for this opinion but so be it. ETA: "you" in general terms not specifically you

Cheenomae · March 2014

I'd probably do exactly what you did. It was good that you asked a question or two to maybe get her thinking, but then drop it when you did.

hmp1 · March 2014

I would have mentioned it is the law. I know here it is 9 that they have to stay some type of seat. No cop is going to confuse a 4 year old for a 9 year old. I think that is the only thing that you can bring up now, after the fact. If it wasn't the law, I would let it drop. Maybe you can mention the character seats to see if that is something he will tolerate. Bonus, it is a harness seat.

https://www.toysrus.com/buy/booster-car-seats/batman-deluxe-combination-booster-car-seat-71900bat-19586766

melody921 · March 2014

hmp1 said:

I would have mentioned it is the law. I know here it is 9 that they have to stay some type of seat. No cop is going to confuse a 4 year old for a 9 year old. I think that is the only thing that you can bring up now, after the fact. If it wasn't the law, I would let it drop. Maybe you can mention the character seats to see if that is something he will tolerate. Bonus, it is a harness seat.

https://www.toysrus.com/buy/booster-car-seats/batman-deluxe-combination-booster-car-seat-71900bat-19586766

Whoa, I had never seen these before. DS would flip.

hmp1 · March 2014

melody921 said:

hmp1 said:

I would have mentioned it is the law. I know here it is 9 that they have to stay some type of seat. No cop is going to confuse a 4 year old for a 9 year old. I think that is the only thing that you can bring up now, after the fact. If it wasn't the law, I would let it drop. Maybe you can mention the character seats to see if that is something he will tolerate. Bonus, it is a harness seat.

https://www.toysrus.com/buy/booster-car-seats/batman-deluxe-combination-booster-car-seat-71900bat-19586766

Whoa, I had never seen these before. DS would flip.

It isn't a top rated seat and isn't great for tall kids, but a cool seat if you are having car seat drama with your child.

opaque1997 · March 2014

I have direct expereince with this and my boss - I'd drop it.. It breaks my heart daily as I'm a carseat FREAK but I drop it.. it creates too much tension otherwise..

kelbel527 · March 2014

hmp1 said:

I would have mentioned it is the law. I know here it is 9 that they have to stay some type of seat. No cop is going to confuse a 4 year old for a 9 year old. I think that is the only thing that you can bring up now, after the fact. If it wasn't the law, I would let it drop. Maybe you can mention the character seats to see if that is something he will tolerate. Bonus, it is a harness seat.

https://www.toysrus.com/buy/booster-car-seats/batman-deluxe-combination-booster-car-seat-71900bat-19586766

Wow, I have never seen this either! I hope Brody never sees one of these, or else I'll here about it for weeks. He'd LOVE that.

jenndub · March 2014

Emma is 8 and still in a booster. She's very short and only weighs 50 pounds. I might let her give it up once she graduates from high school.

Hyaline · March 2014

I would not lecture my boss, especially in a public setting. You were right to drop it in the meeting If I felt that we had a decent relationship, however, I might pop her an email with a quick "I'm sorry if things got a little uncomfortable in the conversation about not using a carseat, but I wasn't sure you knew about the laws regarding carseats" message, links provided. But I wouldn't even go there unless I had a very good rapport with this woman.

eshee8198 · March 2014

So my opinion might be a little dissenting, but I tend to be a pain in the ass at work anyway, so be it.

Honestly, I'm a proponent of, "if it bothers you, say something." That being said, I tend to phrase my concerns in a way that is less confrontational. If it was me, I would pop in and say:

"I know it's none of my business, and I apologize if I'm overstepping my bounds. It's just that I'm super paranoid about being in the car with [your kid's name], so I'm sure I'm crazier about it than most people. Have you thought about a booster for [her kid's name]? It's totally not my business, but I know my [fake relative] had luck putting her kid in a booster when he was complaining about the car seat, but to small to safely/legally sit without one. Again, not my business, but I would feel wrong about not at least mentioning it. Okay, goodbye." Then beat a hasty retreat.

After that, never say a word about it again, and let her make her own decisions.

Only you know your boss, and how she would react. And PPs are probably right - she probably does know it's unsafe, and doesn't care. But if you did want to broach the topic with her, that's what I'd do.

AKB090609 · March 2014

kelbel527 said:

@Melody921 & @MarisaKathleen - it is the law here too. (I just double checked). Booster up until 80lbs. You can't even go in a booster until 40lbs, and Brody isn't even at that weight yet.

I'm thinking about bringing up a booster. Maybe asking for a recommendation for Brody or something. See if I can slide it in w/ the weight/law...

Ugh, I know she's a great mom, so I don't get why parents aren't more diligent about this stuff!

I think that is a great way to go about it! Is she new to the state? She might not know the laws there and I would feel better knowing that I had tried. We have to remember that not all parents know about car seat stuff like people on the bump.

A perfect example of this is my SIL. BIL is driving and bringing all the stuff, she is flying with her LO, she knew that checking the car seat was bad so her plan was to use the seat belt and sit in the back with the kid on the ride from the airport. She thought it would be fine because "he's almost one and at one they don't need to use a car seat any more". Needless to say they were informed otherwise and now have a better plan in place.

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