Our sitter - just a vent

virginiagirl11 · March 2014

Hi, ladies. Just needed to vent about our sitter.

As of last July, we had a verbal agreement that she would work for us until the beginning of this June, at which point DS2 would start at daycare (he would be 1). Well, I got an email from her in late January saying that she had some trips coming up and would only be able to work for us until late April. Suck.

But fine, we'll deal with it.

Except she seems to have checked out. DH works from home upstairs while she's with DS2 and pretty much ever since we got the email, her care has gone downhill. DS2 is bored as hell and yelling half the time and his number of bumps and bruises has gone up. The injuries aren't serious; it's just the kind of thing where you know she was probably sitting there on her phone and not paying attention to DS2 even though that's literally the only thing we're paying her to do. Watch him. No chores, etc. She's not mean or terrible. She's a nice enough person. She just never formed a true bond with DS2 where she loves him like her own (DS1 had that with his sitter and we were hoping for the same for DS2) and now she cares even less.

We have told her tens of times how to entertain DS2, what he likes, etc.... But it doesn't really sink in or she just doesn't care. So DS2 has a shitty time for hours and hours and hours. He cries out desperately for DH when DH passes by the door. DH, already incredibly stressed about work and a hundred other things, tries to break away from work to go in and help and tell her what she can do to make DS2 happy. Sometimes that fixes the problem for a while and sometimes it doesn't. And then it repeats. Every day.

Ugh. Poor little DS2.

He just has to make it yet one more month and then things will change.

virginiagirl11 · March 2014

That was whiny, wasn't it.

PW - We're still looking for the replacement sitter. This sitter and her husband depend on her income and there are some overlapping personal/business acquaintances with others that would become strained if we were to fire her for something in the gray area like this. And we unfortunately can't cover the care gap alone.

Momtobe - That is an excellent point. Yes, this is really the age for that type of behavior, isn't it? Unfortunately, it seems magnified any time he's with this particular person.

bcnoelle · March 2014

The sitter either seems to know you are stuck in a position where you won't replace her now or she is hoping you let her go early. Either way, I'd try to look for another temporary option if you don't feel comfortable talking to her about it. Maybe tell her you may be cutting some days with working interviews for the next candidate. I might even let her know you're setting up a nanny cam so you can test it out for the next sitter and explain that you're looking to see how involved the candidates are and the type of care they're giving to your kids. Ask her if she's ok with you putting it on now so you can test it from your work place. Good luck!

VOR · March 2014

First, ditto estwd - do you KNOW that she's slacking?

If she truly is slacking:

Second, their relying on her income really isn't YOUR problem. And if it were really that important to her, then she'd be making sure she does a good job to make sure she keeps her job!

Third, find a new sitter ASAP and just phrase it in a "we found a great sitter but to secure her employment, she has to start on ___ date" way.

I understand you don't want to fire her in a blaze of glory, but you need to get her out of there. Your kid needs to be more important than some overlapping acquaintances. Again- her income/money issues are NOT your problem.

outnumbered · March 2014

DS2 might be crying more because he knows that your DH is in the house. Babies go through a clingy phase. All my children did. If I was in the house when the babysitter was present they would cry for me. It had nothing to do with the care they received. If you are truly unhappy with her work find another caregiver.

jf198400 · March 2014

If possible I would try to start daycare sooner instead of waiting until he is one (unless daycare has a wait list). You need to do what is best for your child. Babysitters money problems are not your problems.

djm31012 · March 2014

does your DC not start til 1 or is that just an age you guys feel comfortable starting. Maybe you can start a little early....there isnt much difference btwn 10.5 mos and 12 mos in regards to immune system/social interaction, etc. This age is defintiely the start of separation anxiety...so I would not be surprised if his crankiness coincides with knowing DH is in the house and just wants to be with him. I would try to have DH pop down randomly at different points and see what she is doing, if shes on the floor playing or if, like you said, shes sitting on her phone. If he catches her, its an easy conversation to have....these are your expectations for the next 1-2 mos that she is with you.

good luck...i know its the worst feeling to be uncomfortable with your childcare provider and feel like your LO is not being engaged/cared for/loved.

laurakaz13 · March 2014

I also think you should start him in daycare now. Why is this not an option? Otherwise, DH needs to seriously oversee things.

cecilyandgautam · March 2014

Do you have any room in the budget for baby classes that the sitter can take your son to? Sometimes getting out of the house - changing up the scenery - can really squelch the fussiness.

If you don't think there's anything you can do to improve the situation with this sitter - it sounds like you've only got a few more weeks with her anyway, right? She's leaving in April? So go ahead and start your search for the replacement sitter and when you find one you like, prioritize getting the new sitter on board over keeping the old sitter. She's the one who's end her contract early so I don't think any reasonable person, even if a mutual friend, would fault you for ending things a week or two earlier than your current sitter wants - you had offered to keep her til June and she turned that down, leaving you in need of a replacement.

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